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Oh my god. There are so many other things you could be doing right now. Maybe you should watch this “I Don’t Want My Pizza Burning” video for a bit. It’s as good as it sounds! There are infinite other things you could be doing than watching this video of a spider getting squished and then a million tiny spiders pouring out of it DON’T EVEN READ THOSE WORDS. Have you had lunch yet? Maybe you should go out to get lunch today. “Treat yourself.” – Parks and Recreation. And while you’re out for lunch, maybe circle the block a few times? Get some fresh air in your lungs. Try not to think about spiders while you’re doing it. Or how many of them are in your apartment right now. Or how you do know that that thing about how you eat 100 spiders or whatever in your sleep over the course of a year isn’t true, but if someone made that up then you must eat at least a few of them, right? Ahhhh sooo are you going to watch Parenthood tonight? Did you watch Gossip Girl last night? What do you want to talk about? The spider video, still? You seriously want to watch it. Well, fine. It’s your funeral. Literally. This video is not literally your funeral, but you are literally going to die when you watch it. RIP you. See you in hell.
I would say something, but if you’ve gotten this far I can only imagine that you watched that spider video and, even though you couldn’t totally make out what was going on, you definitely got the point of it and you are now deceased. I hope you had a good life, because I’m sure you had a terrible death. What size clothes did you wear? Can I have your clothes? (Via VVV.)
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“Yes, Kelly. You can have my clothes.” – Ghost R2D2, Esq.
the spider is the GOP and the spatula is 2008 Obama. this is brilliant political commentary.
I literally got a Videogum account just after waking from my coma (from watching this video, duh) just so I could up vote this gif comment. You’re welcome.
they are never going to use that spatula again, right? that is a trash spatula now? yes? yes.
They should probably just move.
Prometheus looks like the scariest one yet!
Also: why did they stop spraying? there was still movement. if you leave any alive they will one day grow up to avenge their mother/thousands of siblings. #spiderfacts
I can feel things crawling on me now. I think that is the worst part about the horror of watching or thinking about spiders and the like– your mind tricking your body into thinking things are climbing all over you.
My friend was talking about having scabies once years ago (contracted via innocent means… he says…), and I itched for weeks. WEEKS.
At least now I don’t have to worry. I can finally live my life without fear. I can truly, wholly live. In the moment and in myself. Because I’ve seen the worst thing. And there’s no going back.
Hey guys, I just want to point out that I have pretty bad Arachnophobia, (I’m being very serious), so naturally this is a video I ha ha enjoyed watching and I’m definitely not ha ha sweating or crying right now and shaking and maybe frantically sweeping my body to ensure that no spider babies from hell have landed on me in the last 5 minutes ha ha anyways, if someone could call 911 for my complete breakdown that’d be great ha ha I can’t even kill a spider now knowing that that sort of thing is a possibility, in fact I’m not even sure I can live in a house anymore, are there spiders in the ocean? I’m going to go live in the ocean. Ha ha, Sharks? Don’t care, do they have 8 legs and are they furry with hundreds of eyes and PURE EVIL don’t care I will swim and pet and hug and kiss some sharks.
So… I guess no one has ever told you about sea spiders then?
Sea spider boner?
FUCK SHIT
Oh, dear god you’ve asked for it:
Ok, that’s horrifying.
“HAHAHA stupid land monsters. You can’t kill me with fire.”
Sorry, djfreshie. Sea spiders are very real, and very creepy.
And what of their fur? are they furry? Because I’m not scared of Octopi or Crabs so much. Certainly I can handle their business because I know that they are delicious.
Yeah, Sea Spiders aren’t REAL spiders. However, there are actual spiders who use their webs to make little air sacs so they can breathe/hunt underwater. …but usually in ponds..So, the ocean should be fine.
Thank you I’ve already booked space in the ocean it’s not cheap, but it’s a buyer’s market whaddyagonnado
Don’t google Japanese Spider crab.
Don’t google Coconut Crab.
Don’t google anything that lives in the deep, deep sea.
Go buy some saptulas. I’m sorry, djfreshie.
Also, nice new avatar!
Also, you should invest in some spatulas too. Saptulas may not get the job done.
May I suggest Spatula City?
They have a great, easy-to-use website too! http://pixelscapes.com/spatulacity/
Coconut Crab:
Never mind forgot what I said above about crabs.
Although surely those big ones are still very delicious.
Holy though that Spider Crab…oh man. That is an HP Lovecraft monster, surely.
And thanks, there seems to be an endless supply of different Trogdor images out there. I wonder if there’s a fanfic page somewhere…
I TOLD YOU NOT TO WATCH IT
Right, but the last Spider video where the spider is seemingly on a blanket, and it turns out to be sand, that one I could totally handle! And that spider, mind you, was (seemingly) HUGE. But I made it through, and I even thought for a second that “maybe I can shake this thing! Maybe someday I actually can travel to Australia! Cute!”
But nope. I will never go to Australia. Never anymore. Or Japan. Or South America. Or a lot of the Southern US. Actually, most of the world is off limits due to Spiders, and now my understanding that some of them, when killed, clone themselves by the hundreds and immediately latch onto your face and kill your family and erase your hard drive and lay eggs in your skull and finish the crossword puzzle you were working on and spill coffee on your brand new couch and eat your brain and sing “Cotton Eyed Joe” over and over again inside your head for all of eternity, never letting you die….never giving you the peaceful sleep of death.
My favorite part of this amazing diatribe is where “erase your hard drive” falls between “kill your family” and “lay eggs in your skull.”
Don’t forget “finish my crossword puzzle” that’s the worst when people do that I would have figured out eventually that “Palindromic Beetle Baily Pooch:” _T_O was OTTO eventually you freaking hundreds of spider babies.
Don’t think about the color blue.
You’re thinking about the color blue, aren’t you?
Nope, still thinking about Spider babies.
NO
Guys, I’m terrified of Alison Brie gifs.
Dr. Feelgood: DO NOT WATCH!
Not cool, Mr. Hausfrau. What if someone were to compile all of them in a compressed folder and sent them to my personal email (drfeelgood@videogum.com)? It’d be horrible.
Oh!! I know a fun fact! If you put fresh lavender on windowsills and near your door, spiders will not go inside. Plus, then your place smells like lavender!
And ants HATE cinnamon.
Those are both things that smell so nice! I welcome the spiders because they eat all the other bugs, but I will cinnamon the fuck out of my kitchen come spring.
YES. We have the worst ants because our apartment is full of holes and it’s about to start raining and they’re gonna try to come back inside and I’m gonna cinnamon those motherfuckers like they’ve never been cinnamoned before. Thanks for the tip!
Where do they sell Lavender Necklaces hats and socks?
Lavender Soap? Then you’d smell like my GRANDMA! Yay! Can I have a stale hard candy from your purse? Red please! ♥
This update of Charlotte’s Web is really brutal.
Oh my god why did I watch the related “female wolf spider with babies on her back”
WHY WAS IT PART OF GOD’S CUTE CREATURES? I FEEL SICK.
Nope, no, just a thousand times no.
WHY DID THEY HAVE TO GET UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL AT THE END?
I did not even watch this video and I still think there are a million spiders crawling all over me. And I haven’t even done any meth for a good hour or so.
I watched it over again. I love bug videos. And bug shows. Am I the only one?
I didn’t watch it because I don’t like things being squished for no good reason, but I like regular bug videos. I think bugs are fascinating, as long as they aren’t crawling on me in large numbers or in my food.
Agreed. I like them only digitally. If they are in my house, I call for help.
Once, someone directed me to a collection of vids on youtube of different terrifying insects that were put into a terrarium together and basically forced to fight. Awful, awful stuff. Does anyone here remember Clock Spider?
Sorry, “being a spider” is absolutely a reason.
Is this a new promo for MDNA with the spider being a figurative Lady Gaga?
Little known fact: The sand in the “more sand” video is actually millions of spider eggs.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Just FYI Arachnophobes: I am not afraid of spiders and it makes me feel like a tough, brute man to rescue people (especially the mister) from spiders. I don’t usually kill them, BUT if you want someone to speak down to you while he caries the poor thing outside in a plastic cup well, I am your guy.
I have glue traps to immobilize other creepy crawlies and was freaked out by the size and quantity of scary black spiders in my place.
It’s the Cloverfield monster of spiders. I did feel a little sad for all those poor baby spiders, but then I watched the pizza burning thing and that picked me right up. And, I highly recommend the other videos by the artist who made that one. Especially Mustache Sally. Thank me later.
hey those are poisonous spiders or normal one? Awkward video… Devil spiders….
I followed a link here from Buzzfeed, but I had a feeling I knew what it was before I even read your description. This has happened to me, and it wasn’t even anywhere exotic; it was in Illinois. Here is a dramatic reenactment for your pleasure:
I arrive home at dusk and the evening newspaper is waiting in front of my door, as usual. (Yes, Champaign-Urbana has one of the rare evening papers left in the U.S.)
There is a dark shape on the rolled-up paper. As I approach I determine that it is a spider. The abdomen does appear rather larger than your standard Illinois spider, but as it’s close to dark out I still don’t notice anything else unusual.
I pick up the paper and attempt to shake the spider off outside at the same time I unlock and open the door. The spider lands just *inside* the door instead, so I take a swat at it with the newspaper.
*BABIES EVERYWHERE*
Me: AHHHH. *smack* AHHHH. *SMACK* AHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Babies still swarming, and many have now retreated deep into the carpet.
Me: *calm down, breathe, think….* VACUUM CLEANER!!!!!!!!
(And yes, I took the bag out right away. I usually don’t mind spiders at all, but this one got the adrenaline going for sure.)
In the campfire that is this post you, finette, have the scariest spider ghost story.
Now I have to move.
There is no God that would allow this horror