Oh my god. There are so many other things you could be doing right now. Maybe you should watch this “I Don’t Want My Pizza Burning” video for a bit. It’s as good as it sounds! There are infinite other things you could be doing than watching this video of a spider getting squished and then a million tiny spiders pouring out of it DON’T EVEN READ THOSE WORDS. Have you had lunch yet? Maybe you should go out to get lunch today. “Treat yourself.” – Parks and Recreation. And while you’re out for lunch, maybe circle the block a few times? Get some fresh air in your lungs. Try not to think about spiders while you’re doing it. Or how many of them are in your apartment right now. Or how you do know that that thing about how you eat 100 spiders or whatever in your sleep over the course of a year isn’t true, but if someone made that up then you must eat at least a few of them, right? Ahhhh sooo are you going to watch Parenthood tonight? Did you watch Gossip Girl last night? What do you want to talk about? The spider video, still? You seriously want to watch it. Well, fine. It’s your funeral. Literally. This video is not literally your funeral, but you are literally going to die when you watch it. RIP you. See you in hell.

I would say something, but if you’ve gotten this far I can only imagine that you watched that spider video and, even though you couldn’t totally make out what was going on, you definitely got the point of it and you are now deceased. I hope you had a good life, because I’m sure you had a terrible death. What size clothes did you wear? Can I have your clothes? (Via VVV.)

Comments (71)
  1. “Yes, Kelly. You can have my clothes.” – Ghost R2D2, Esq.

  2. the spider is the GOP and the spatula is 2008 Obama. this is brilliant political commentary.

  3. they are never going to use that spatula again, right? that is a trash spatula now? yes? yes.

  4. Prometheus looks like the scariest one yet!

  5. Also: why did they stop spraying? there was still movement. if you leave any alive they will one day grow up to avenge their mother/thousands of siblings. #spiderfacts

  6. I can feel things crawling on me now. I think that is the worst part about the horror of watching or thinking about spiders and the like– your mind tricking your body into thinking things are climbing all over you.

    • My friend was talking about having scabies once years ago (contracted via innocent means… he says…), and I itched for weeks. WEEKS.

  7. At least now I don’t have to worry. I can finally live my life without fear. I can truly, wholly live. In the moment and in myself. Because I’ve seen the worst thing. And there’s no going back.

  8. Hey guys, I just want to point out that I have pretty bad Arachnophobia, (I’m being very serious), so naturally this is a video I ha ha enjoyed watching and I’m definitely not ha ha sweating or crying right now and shaking and maybe frantically sweeping my body to ensure that no spider babies from hell have landed on me in the last 5 minutes ha ha anyways, if someone could call 911 for my complete breakdown that’d be great ha ha I can’t even kill a spider now knowing that that sort of thing is a possibility, in fact I’m not even sure I can live in a house anymore, are there spiders in the ocean? I’m going to go live in the ocean. Ha ha, Sharks? Don’t care, do they have 8 legs and are they furry with hundreds of eyes and PURE EVIL don’t care I will swim and pet and hug and kiss some sharks.

  9. Oh!! I know a fun fact! If you put fresh lavender on windowsills and near your door, spiders will not go inside. Plus, then your place smells like lavender!

    And ants HATE cinnamon.

  10. This update of Charlotte’s Web is really brutal.

  11. Oh my god why did I watch the related “female wolf spider with babies on her back”

  12. Nope, no, just a thousand times no.

  13. WHY DID THEY HAVE TO GET UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL AT THE END?

  14. I did not even watch this video and I still think there are a million spiders crawling all over me. And I haven’t even done any meth for a good hour or so.

  15. I watched it over again. I love bug videos. And bug shows. Am I the only one?

    • I didn’t watch it because I don’t like things being squished for no good reason, but I like regular bug videos. I think bugs are fascinating, as long as they aren’t crawling on me in large numbers or in my food.

  16. Is this a new promo for MDNA with the spider being a figurative Lady Gaga?

  17. Little known fact: The sand in the “more sand” video is actually millions of spider eggs.

  18. Just FYI Arachnophobes: I am not afraid of spiders and it makes me feel like a tough, brute man to rescue people (especially the mister) from spiders. I don’t usually kill them, BUT if you want someone to speak down to you while he caries the poor thing outside in a plastic cup well, I am your guy.

    • I have glue traps to immobilize other creepy crawlies and was freaked out by the size and quantity of scary black spiders in my place.

  19. It’s the Cloverfield monster of spiders. I did feel a little sad for all those poor baby spiders, but then I watched the pizza burning thing and that picked me right up. And, I highly recommend the other videos by the artist who made that one. Especially Mustache Sally. Thank me later.

  20. hey those are poisonous spiders or normal one? Awkward video… Devil spiders….

  21. I followed a link here from Buzzfeed, but I had a feeling I knew what it was before I even read your description. This has happened to me, and it wasn’t even anywhere exotic; it was in Illinois. Here is a dramatic reenactment for your pleasure:

    I arrive home at dusk and the evening newspaper is waiting in front of my door, as usual. (Yes, Champaign-Urbana has one of the rare evening papers left in the U.S.)

    There is a dark shape on the rolled-up paper. As I approach I determine that it is a spider. The abdomen does appear rather larger than your standard Illinois spider, but as it’s close to dark out I still don’t notice anything else unusual.

    I pick up the paper and attempt to shake the spider off outside at the same time I unlock and open the door. The spider lands just *inside* the door instead, so I take a swat at it with the newspaper.

    *BABIES EVERYWHERE*

    Me: AHHHH. *smack* AHHHH. *SMACK* AHHHHHHHHHHHH.

    Babies still swarming, and many have now retreated deep into the carpet.

    Me: *calm down, breathe, think….* VACUUM CLEANER!!!!!!!!

    (And yes, I took the bag out right away. I usually don’t mind spiders at all, but this one got the adrenaline going for sure.)

  22. There is no God that would allow this horror

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