There is currently a very low-budget documentary on Netflix Instant titled Alive! Is Michael Jackson Really Dead?, and — as you can tell from the title — is is incredible. A conspiracy theory documentary that you put on because you think, “Haha, oh this is crazy, this is going to be fun.” And then you think, “Oh my goodness, look at the poor quality! I can’t believe they’re using comic sans. Where did they even get their information? This is such funny nonsense.” And then you think, “Haha, sooo, wait a second, did Michael Jackson really have a bunch of body doubles?” And then you think, “So really, I mean, there is all this evidence that it could have been one of his body doubles who died. It seems possible. I’m not saying I believe it, but just–” and then you think, “HE’S ALIVE!!!!” In that way, this video of a Canadian Christian panel discussing the demonic threats of children’s pop culture of the early ’90s, compiled by Rich FourFour, is a lot like that Michael Jackson documentary. I CAN’T BELIEVE WE ALLOWED CHILDREN (US) TO MAKE THEIR (OUR) OWN NUNCHUCKS!

If nothing else, this certainly explains a lot of the personality flaws we see in each other. Like why our generation REFUSES to say grace properly. GOD DAMNIT, BART! (Via FourFour.)

Comments (26)
  1. If anybody is doubting that the Ninja Turtles are sent by Satan, then they’ve never played the dam level in the NES game.

    • I would be sad that beating that level still rates in the top 5 accomplishments of my life, but fuck it. That was a bitch to beat. It’s getting the first mention in my obituary.

  2. For a guy who likes to talk about the TMNT, he sure doesn’t know much about how that show works.

  3. They may have a point there. In 1989 I would have committed murder to get my hands on a Pizza Thrower.

    • I had the Pizza Thrower and the Turtle Van. I’d detach the roof off the Turtle Van and detach the Pizza Thrower from its chassis, and place it inside/on top of the Turtle Van, for the ULTIMATE WEAPON.

      It had all the speed of the Turtle Van, as well as the ability to hold occupants (turtles), and then up top, a tank-like gun turret that hurled pizza discs (20 total, and I NEVER lost ONE, LADIES).

  4. And they didn’t even bother to mention us children who sought out radioactive waste in hopes of becoming turtles. Truly, we are the forgotten generation.

  5. I can never get over grown men and women talking about stuff like magic and witchcraft with an air of Grave Concern. It’s like having a meeting to discuss what to do about the Boogie Man threat or how best to limit the damage caused by the monsters living in our closets.

  6. I can’t believe how misguided and, utterly delusional all these gentleman are. It’s just a kids show designed to push product.

    By the way, Gargamel was a freemason.

  7. True story: my parents begrudgingly let me watch the show occasionally, but were still uncomfortable enough with the Eastern mysticism and violence that they wouldn’t buy me any of the awesome action figures my best friend collected.

    Then, a TMNT miracle. While we were on vacation in the mountains, I stumbled upon a half-buried, dirt-covered Michelangelo figure. It instantly became my favorite toy and, to their great embarrassment, I carried that filthy, broken toy everywhere.

    Needless to say, keeping up appearances won out over potential occult influences and I soon had a full set of brand new Turtle toys. Krang w/ Android Body was the best, obviously:

  8. Also, the theme song for TMNT was composed by Chuck Lorre, who is the antichrist.

  9. This has the awkward vibe of a porn with all the sex cut out.

  10. I can see what he’s saying about the white & black magic. It’s a difficult dangerous idea. What we really need is a mixture. A holy combination that says: Business in the front, party in the back

  11. “Vanilla Ice, I was about to say talented, but let’s say talented at making money” Religious BURN even at the height of Vanilla Ice’c most Vanilla Ices

  12. Oh no! Two kids tore (?!) through a school one time?! That sounds very serious. Let’s see what happens with religion instead:

  13. 1) i had those tmnt slippers!! aw. where are those slippers i want them back!

    2) my brother and i used to love tmnt so much, and we always reenacted their fights with some orange plastic nunchucks we had, but my mom finally decided it was getting TOO REAL (maybe she knows these guys?!) and from then until i was 12 years old i was not allowed to watch anything else on TV except for PBS.

    3) lol at the poor guy who so obviously just loves vanilla ice and michael jackson chocolate, but wants so bad to fit in with his cool christian friends.

  14. You guys know who hates propaganda? Jesus.

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