Certainly you didn’t think the Twilight franchise would die after Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part 2, the final movie based on the final novel, comes out in November, right? That is what you expected? Because they’ve drawn this out so far already? And it is actually done now, so what more could they possibly do? Ugh, youuu guuuuysssss. Why are you always so dumb about everything? On Friday, the chief executive of Lions Gate Entertainment (Jon Feltheimer) (you knew that at least, right?) (GUYS.) acquired the Twilight film studio, Summit Entertainment, for $412.5 million dollars because he thinks this old garbage machine still has some miles on it. From The LA Times:

Asked whether the franchise would continue in some form for Lions Gate, he added, “It’s hard for me to imagine a movie that does $700 million-plus doesn’t have ongoing value. It’s an amazing franchise that they have done a great job of maintaining with absolutely no deterioration. So the simple answer is ‘Boy I hope so.’”

One person close to the acquisition deal but not authorized to speak publicly suggested that because Lions Gate, unlike Summit, has a television production unit, it could adapt “Twilight” for the small screen.

Asked whether there was a possibility of bringing “Twilight” to television, Feltheimer answered, “I would certainly hope so.”

We would ALL certainly hope so, Feltheimer, because we ALL understand how empty money ideas work. But a Twilight television series featuring the same plot lines fans have seen twice before and none of the actors that made the movies so attractive to them certainly can’t be the last wring for this slightly damp vampire blood towel. (HIRE ME TO WRITE THE TV SHOW.) This things got legs! There are endless possibilities for continuing the franchise, for instance: 

  • Twilight: The Animated Series
  • Twilight: The Animated Series The Movie
  • Twilight: The Animated Series The Movie 3D
  • Twilight: The Theme Park
  • Twilight: The Theme Park The Movie
  • Twilight: The Theme Park The Movie 3D
  • “Bella’s Secrets”: Twilight-themed lingerie line, “not for kids.”
  • A movie about a girl reading Twilight and then she gets sucked (LOL) into the book, like Neverending Story except with Twilight.
  • Reality show where people get to compete to see who gets to play the characters in a Twilight web series that will never actually get filmed.
  • Reality show where people get to compete to date the people who won the last reality show.
  • The same Twilight movies all over again but from the perspective of not a main character.

I think at least 85% of these ideas will come to life. Congratulations to us! #moretwilight #worldisavampire #fromtwilight #iwish #lol (Via AV Club.)

Comments (36)
  1. Bella’s Kids: They Don’t Die, They Multiply

  2. Edward and Bella decide to move to the Upper East Side and join forces with the Gossip Girl crew.

  3. The same Twilight movies all over again but from the perspective of not a main character.

    Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Undead?

  4. Today I learned that vampires can suck the blood out of a dead horse.

  5. MTV’s The Challenge: Werewolves vs Vampires: Fresh Meat 2: The Duel 6: The Gauntlet 4

    Hosted by TJ Lavin, obvs.

  6. Forks, the Twilight restaurant, featuring Bella burgers on toasted Breadward, Jacob Juice and a large Fry-light.

  7. 2Twilight: 2Mormoner

  8. Oh waitaminute. The Twilight series isn’t the prequel to the Underworld films? I thought Beckinsale’s character was the Bella of the future.

    Boy, is my face not on the vampire pop culture pulse.

    • And red and thumb, for that matter. Boy is my face red, and my thumb is not on the vampire pop culture pulse. Not that vampires have pulses.

      Oh, what a mess I’ve gotten myself into.

  9. They could do one where the Jacob and Edward characters are replaced by Natalie Portman and Jessica Alba, neither of whom are vampire or werewolf, they just star as themselves. At first they fight over Kristen Stuart but then at the halfway point of the movie Bella is all like “Woah woah woah, hold on guys: You’re BOTH right!” And then they do some three way action for the second half of the movie.

  10. Twilight Babies — An animated series where all your favorite Twilight characters are babies together in a nursery.

  11. Wolf Gang: basically a bunch of shirtless dudes running in the forest with the occasional Very Special Episode about domestic abuse.

  12. Keeping Up with the Cullens

    #barf

  13. Twilight Meets the Jetsons #DONDA

  14. Abbott and Costello should be able to fix this dying franchise right up.

  15. Unexpected Twin Peaks/Twilight crossover?

  16. The return of Celebrity Deathmatch with Buffy vs Bella? Spoiler: Buffy wins

  17. “James Franco Presents: James Franco in Frilight.” Starring James Franco as Bella, Edward, Jacob, werewolf #2 & 3, Dakota Fanning and Bella’s placenta.

  18. Can the “My Life Is Twilight” website be licensed as a reality/re-enactment series?

    • This was supposed to be an image of the title card from Joanie Loves Chachi, but both of the names crossed out and filled with Bella and Edward. Unfortunately, I have failed yet again to post a picture here. Whoops.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.