I know that in the past we’ve got a little upset with ice cream vendors who are too overzealous with the “show” aspect of their jobs. Not that we don’t appreciate odd talent, and not that we don’t love a good show, but most of the time when we order an ice cream — or ANY food, really — we don’t want it pretend thrown at us or fake-y given to us in a way that will definitely make us very embarrassed. It is mostly our own problem, not yours. I guess there must be SOME people out there who enjoy that. But for you guys in this video who are working at what looks like some sort of Coldstone Creamery-type restaurant, except the video says it’s in Dubai and I don’t know if they have those there: Do what you want! It’s fine. We’re all enjoying it, and it certainly looks like you’re both enjoying it enough. So, for you guys only, please disregard what I said about the just giving people their ice cream. You’re a delight.

Of course there are some things you can improve upon, like when you throw the ice cream at the girl for some reason and she almost doesn’t catch it and I don’t even understand what the thought process was there AT ALL, but for the most part you should just keep doing what you’re doing. But please stop doing that part. She even told you no! Maybe we should rethink all of this, actually. (Via VVV.)

Comments (14)
  1. Ice cream acrobatics? These guys are the 1%.

  2. I went to a place, recently, that I think was one of the most fucked up places I’ve ever been to. I’m convinced this place is the epitome of American excess, of American greed. I’m talking about a place called Cold Stone Creamery. Whoa. If you have not been there, the basic gist of Cold Stone is that they take ice cream and they just go apeshit with it. There’s like slamming brownies and gummi bears and just hammering it in there. Whatever fat people want in there: Snickers bar, cheeseburger, let me fuck a Butterfinger into it for you! It’s like, whoa, whoa, whoa! Jesus! This is way too intense, for me! Is that guy’s dick a Butterfinger? What just happened? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I think I’ll just have a small vanilla, if that’s okay. This is just too intense, for me. Lady behind the counter is like, “No, no, no! You should try one of our creations like Birthday Cake Remix, where we take cake batter ice cream, yellow cake, fudge chunks, sprinkles-” and I was like, “You know, that just sounds too intense, for me. I’ll just have a small cup of vanilla.” She goes, “Quit being a bitch!” Whoa! And then, I couldn’t even get a small, because there sizes are actually Like It, Love It, and Gotta Have It! What kind of crack-head terminology is that? “Hey, what size you want, man?” “I don’t know, man. I just gotta have it. Put some ice cream in a cup. I’m tweaking, I’m tweaking, I’m tweaking!” And, you know, I felt bad for the people that had to work there. So I was like, “Aw, I’m going to drop a couple of dollars into the tip jar, on my way out.” Whoa! That’s when all hell broke loose! Because apparently, whenever they get even a dollar, in the tip jar, all five employees are required to bump out into a song and dance number where they take current popular music and shove Cold Stone lingo into it as if they’re some retarded second cousin to Weird Al that’s obsessed with ice cream and it’s ridiculous! Five people are singing and dancing for a dollar! That’s twenty cents a person! If you saw a homeless person outside of Cold Stone and were like, “Hey, man. I’ll give you twenty cents to sing some songs about Cold Stone.” He’d go, “Hey, man. GO FUCK YOURSELF. That’s degrading!”

    • I still have yet to go to a Coldstone where the employees actually sing when they receive a tip. Do they actually do that? Or is that just some false advertising?

      • Stop lying to Lil Sebastian Tom Haverford, I thought you loved him *

        * they used to like 5-10 years ago, I have not seen it recently though

      • They did it for me and my boyfriend when we went to one in Arizona. I thought it was just a local yokel thing. But now that it’s apparently company policy – well that’s fucking weird.

    • I wish I forgot what Coldstone Creamery was everyday so that I could read this comment to remind myself over and over again….

      I loved about 8 years ago when Coldstone opened about 300 stores a day. There was like 6 near my apartment. It was like the Golden Age of Coldstone. The employees were all overweight girls who lacked self confidence and LOVED Clay Aiken (or someone like that). They were happy to do their job and sing for tips. Peopl would talk about how great the ice cream was because of all the butter fat that was in it.

      Over those 8 years you could see the slow decline in Coldstone. The employees got more and more miserable. Their not giving a fuck started to be the best part of going there. Everyone realized how disgusting the ice cream was and the fact that there was a ton of butter fat in the ice cream was a horrible terrible thing. Eventually all those stores closed… and the world of cold stone became covered in a thick layer of ice rivers and darkness. One day aliens will find those stores and learn horrific things of our people.

  3. I’d like two scoops of the Meadowlark Lemon, please.

  4. we are most certainly all screaming for our ice cream.

    “YEESH! Don’t drop it! That’s the LAST SCOOP of double chocolate FUDGE!”

  5. What you don’t understand, Kelly, is that this is from Dubai, where it’s very hot. They react to very cold things by tossing them around the way we toss around hot things. See, in Dubai, “Hot Potato” is just called Potato.

  6. I am so glad this was not How they Go to the Bathroom in Dubai.

  7. Is there anything more terrifying than having to catch something in front of a group of people? Seriously I get nightmares about this shit.

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