Back in May, there were reports going around that MGM was planning a remake of the movie Carrie that would stick closer to Stephen King’s novel. AKA the thing that the public has been DEMANDING since the 1976 release of the original. “We’d love a Carrie remake for sure, but can you please make sure it doesn’t stray so much from the novel this time? That was very frustrating for us.” – The public. Now I guess things are moving ahead with the plan, as Boys Don’t Cry director Kimberly Peirce is in Hollywood showbiz talks to direct. And also this other guy! From Deadline:
The script has been written by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, whose rewrite work helped save Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark on Broadway. Aguirre-Sacasa set out to write a version of Carrie that is more faithful to the King book, and more grounded than the Brian De Palma-directed film.
To be honest, Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark aside (because what?) (is that musical saved?) a Carrie remake is probably one of the less frustrating remakes we’ve been getting news of lately. Certainly less frustrating than this and this and this and this and this. Mostly because it came out over 30 years ago and it’s a horror movie and a remake is better than, like, The Rager: Carrie 3 and, I don’t know, clearly Hollywood has to remake EVERYTHING all the time so when your number is up you just have to deal with it. But as far as I can remember, Carrie is OOOOLLLLLLLDDDDDD. Ugh, gross, so boring and old. So before we all get our tents and line up outside of MGM to see if we can catch any fallen screener copies, let’s figure out how to UPDATE IT! “3 tha kidz” – Gabe Delahaye.
I’ll throw some ideas out first:
- Carrie constantly makes references to the movie Juno.
- Carrie’s mom is “Michele Bachmann” like how Johnny Depp was “Keith Richards” in the Pirates movies.
- Carrie’s prom is High School Musical themed and there is an elaborate tongue-in-cheek dance sequence and Carrie makes a joke like, “You ever wonder how they all know the dance?” And her friend (her friend is pretty but “above” high school so that’s how she relates to Carrie) says, “Well…I’m pretty sure that was the dance team, soooo…” Clever.
- Carrie’s phone is super old and instead of the tampon scene it’s a thing where she pulls out her phone and all the girls notice how old it is and they shout “UP-DATE IT, UP-DATE IT” and throw their iPhones at her.
- And she brings home an old iPhone that one of the girls gave her and her mom is like, “How dare yoooouuuuuu!!!!”
- Kreayshawn and Drake are in it.
- Kelly from Videogum plays Carrie.
VERY GOOD! I can’t wait to see this movie. Now it’s your turn! You do it now!