Gabe: Kelly, you OK?
Kelly: I’m fine, why do you ask?
Gabe: oh, so you haven’t heard the news?
Kelly: Oh no, I guess not.
Gabe: that Hollywood is considering making a sequel to Bridesmaids
Kelly: Oh that sounds great! Great news.
Gabe: but WITHOUT kristen wiig?
Kelly: WHAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!
Gabe: there we are

Gabe: i just hope
Gabe: that your parents
Gabe: have set aside a little money
Gabe: for your funeral
Gabe: there is nothing worse than having to bury a child
Gabe: except when you have to but can’t afford to
Kelly: You’re right. If they haven’t
Kelly: can you let them know that I’d like to be buried at sea?
Gabe: sure
Gabe: what is your mom’s email?
Gabe: kellysmom@hotmail.ca?
Kelly: Yeah
Kelly: Thank you
Gabe: “Hey, Kelly’s dead. Take care of it.”
Gabe: i’ll probably just poke her on Facebook
Gabe: she’ll know
Kelly: Poke her and then can you post a link to the Bridesmaids article on her wall?
Gabe: “She died doing what she loved. Being told she was fired.”
Gabe: what’s the most upsetting part to you, as a woman, about this Bridesmaidz news?
Kelly: As a woman the most upsetting part is being asked how it makes me feel as a woman, GABE
Kelly: Second most is
Kelly: HOW COULD THEY DO THAT TO MY FRIEND!!!!!!!!
Gabe: it’s called showbusiness, not crybabybusiness, ladies
Gabe: you are the ones who wanted to have your own movie
Gabe: and now you’ve got it
Gabe: and you’re not happy
Kelly: This is worse than when they went ahead with a Bring It On sequel without Kirsten Dunst
Kelly: Or when they went ahead with a Clueless TV show without Alicia Silverstone
Gabe: NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU WILL WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND CUDDLE AND READ BOOKS
Kelly: NO WE WON’T
Kelly: NOT THE LAST PART

Gabe: i saw someone write something like
Gabe: “why can’t a good movie stand alone, why does everything have to be a sequel?”
Gabe: which is a perfectly reasonable and correct thing to think
Gabe: but also has that person never heard of Hollywood before?
Kelly: haha
Kelly: Right, yes
Gabe: like, this story is so predictable as to be boring and i’ll tell you something else
Gabe: i honestly do not understand why it bothers anyone!
Gabe: just don’t go see the sequel
Kelly: Yeah
Kelly: Let it go
Gabe: it doesn’t make the first movie WORSE somehow
Kelly: Let Bridesmaids go
Gabe: i promise you this
Gabe: the day after the Bridesmaid sequel comes out
Gabe: good or bad
Gabe: everyone who is bitching about it on Tumblr will still be alive
Gabe: i mean, most of them
Gabe: and anyway, those who die
Gabe: it will not be from this
Gabe: but, like, LIVE TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY, BOYS!
Kelly: Yeah. Pick your Hollywood battles. Like hearing Bane’s voice clearly.
Kelly: Not this
Kelly: The only unfortunate thing that I can see
Kelly: Is that the first movie was not titled Bridesmaid
Kelly: So the second could be Bridesmaids
Gabe: hahah
Gabe: good point
Kelly: They really missed that one
Gabe: i think everyone will probably relax
Gabe: about this whole thing
Gabe: when the sequel is called
Gabe: Bride2maids Too: Look Who’s Bridesmaid3 Too!
Kelly: hahah
Kelly: “I’m not saying I’m happy about the project or what it says about the industry but at least they got the title right.”
Gabe: also, people are acting like this is just obviously going to be terrible
Gabe: but they don’t know!
Gabe: this could be a Leprechaun 2 without Jennifer Aniston situation

Kelly: True
Gabe: many would argue Leprechaun 2 was SUPERIOR
Gabe: it had a go-kart race
Gabe: and someone was killed with an espresso machine
Kelly: You’re right. I’m sure almost all would argue that it was superior.
Kelly: Maybe everyone just needs to be reminded of Leprechaun 2?
Kelly: Maybe Kristen Wiig just needs to be reminded of Leprechaun 2
Gabe: kristenwigg@askjeeves.fr
Kelly: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110329/
Gabe: on his 1000th birthday
Gabe: is a very good start
Kelly: hahaha
Gabe: to any movie plot synopsis
Kelly: you are
Kelly: exactly correct
Gabe: actually that whole segment fragment
Gabe: is pretty much perfect
Gabe: On his 1000th birthday, a mean Leprechaun gets to choose a bride by making her sneeze three times, then she’s his…
Kelly: Yep.
Kelly: Say no more, plot synopsis.
Kelly: You’ve already done enough.
Kelly: The real question is I guess why is Hollywood making any sequels to any movie
Gabe: yeah
Gabe: it makes no sense
Gabe: what are they going to do with all of that money?
Gabe: ?!
Gabe: come on, guys
Kelly: ??? I’m sure they already have houses
Gabe: do you really need all of that money? what is your motivation here?
Kelly: what do you need?
Kelly: MORE houses?
Kelly: A TV in EVERY room?
Gabe: i thought they were an art museum

Gabe: i also think it’s funny
Kelly: Hahah
Kelly: “I thought they were an art museum.”
Gabe: i mean, look, Bridesmaids was great
Gabe: but the idea that you can’t make a sequel
Gabe: to a movie that featured an extensive
Gabe: diarrhea sequence
Kelly: haha
Gabe: because it’s perfect
Gabe: is a very funny thing to argue
Gabe: especially since Bridesmaids was itself a sequel
Gabe: to The Hangover 3
Kelly: BOOOOO
Gabe: DING DONG
Gabe: I GOT YOU
Gabe: how was your salad today?
Gabe: small?
Kelly: It was fine, small but you know I’m not really that hungry lately in the afternoon?
Gabe: hen party
Kelly: I think it’s because I’m so busy and things have been pretty stressful with one of my best friends and it’s like
Kelly: I’m not super sure of the decisions she’s making but it’s like, I know there should be a boundary there?
Gabe: mancession
Kelly: I shouldn’t be making her decisions for her but it’s hard to bite my tongue because I care about her a lot
Kelly: It’s just hard.
Gabe: no, it sounds hard
Kelly: How does it feel for you
Kelly: to be dressed as a woman at your computer all day?
Gabe: i’m just lucky to have a job at all in this woman-based economy

Comments (46)
  1. FFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTT!!!!!!!

  2. Bridesmaids 2 without Kristen Wiig would be tragic, but not nearly as tragic as the Buffy reboot without Joss Whedon. So there.

  3. Bridesmaids 2 without Kristen Wiig sounds better than Bridesmaids 2 with Kristen Wiig, as long as the rest of the cast is there.

    I know, I know. Bring on the downvotes :(

    • I’m with you. Downvote away, I do not think that woman is funny.

      And I’d like the arbitrary foreign cop to be played by Moss this time.

      • I thought I was the only one! I don’t think Kristen Wiig is funny either.

        In all fairness, I haven’t seen Bridesmaids yet, and I look forward to watching it. But, yeah, not a big fan of Kristen Wiig.

        • I don’t mind her as much when she plays it straight, but that shaky-voiced character that is all her characters shows up enough that it ruined enough of that movie that I now describe it as highly overrated with a few good moments. But Paul Feig added (directed as they could easily have been in the script… but he NAILED IT in a way that was classic Feig) excellent scenes and struggles that are very much a part of any bridesmaid experience. It almost made up for her unwatchable 6-7 minutes of overacting. The cast is very good, and Sookie killed it. And, really, the 6-7 unwatchable minutes is out of a whole movie, so it’s much more palatable than a Wiig-dominated SNL sketch. But I did wish I had seen it at home if only so I could fast-forward through her overt mugging.

          • I think you hit the nail on the head. Whenever she’s behaving in a way that you could imagine a human person behaving, she’s fine and even good/funny sometimes, but every time she strays from that it’s like nails on a chalkboard to me.

      • I’m pretty sure you mean Saboo.

  4. Great; now I can’t stop thinking about the limitless potential of “Bridesmaids In Da Hood”.

  5. “The Leprechaun then creates an illusion that fools Ian into believing that Bridget is asking him to kiss her breasts, while in actuality, they are a pair of lawnmower blades that start up after Ian shoves his face into them, ripping his face to shreds.”

    Because, of course.

  6. On the one hand, I agree. On the other hand, I don’t think the world is ready for another Batman & Robin. Bridesmaids II: Electric Bridaloo producers, remember – with great power comes great responsibility.

    • if i give you producer credits, can i use Electric Bridaloo for the name of my retrospective covers / tokyo-issued only b-sides album? maybe with ambiguous punctuation that in fact has no purpose but will provide additional fodder for speculation on the meaning of the album and it’s title: Elec(!)tric: Bridaloo

      • I have been hunting you for so long.

        So long.

        The day you escaped the clonewomb, the carnage you left in your wake, these are not images I will easily erase from my mind.

        There’s nothing I can do, nothing I could ever do, to balance the scales of justice. The universe is awry. I cannot correct it.

        But I can at least bathe in your blood, evil clone of Yamataka Eye!

        I see you. You are in my sights. There will be a reckoning!

  7. this is nuts. i’m totally wiiging out!

  8. I don’t know, Bridesmaids 2 without Wiig is like The Hangover 2 without racism.

  9. I actually watched the Clueless TV show maybe for its entire run? At the time I thought it was pretty good, but I was also really into Stroke 9 around that time, so who knows.

    • I have seen way too many episodes of the Clueless TV show. There was a period in time where I wouldn’t go to sleep until 3 or 4 in the morning, and the only channel that didn’t have infomercials on was The N.

      This is where I watched Degrassi the Next Generation, Moesha, Radio Free Roscoe, Clueless, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and some show about a “rebel” girl who is mad that she has to move in with her extended family on a farm, but she really connects with horses?

    • If nothing else, Rachel Blanchard should be recognized for her efforts with the Sarah Michelle Gellar prize, for Excellence in Surpassing the Career Of The Actress Who Did Not Reprise Her Starring Role In The TV Incarnation Of A Major Motion Picture, Blonde And Pretty Division.

  10. Bridesmaids 2: Back in the Habit

    “Getting married to God has never gone SO wrong!”

  11. Well at least a burial at sea is pretty cheap.

  12. I thought I was the only one! I don’t think Kristen Wiig is funny either. Life is so lonely .I am a sexy and single model at present .I need a man who can love me back . I also uploaded my hot photos on w W w.richsingleclub.C//o//m under the name of single, CERTIFIED INCOME)..Every single is welcome .If u are sincerely ,please contact me there.

  13. I don’t know why we’re sad that the creators of this film won’t be finding outlandish and aggravating methods of contriving Kristen to be involved in another wedding full of bridal mishaps. I mean, she only had one good friend who is now married, so whose wedding is it in which she would be a bridesmaid? If Maya Rudolph got divorced, then Kristen might want to be a little skeptical about jumping into maid of honor duties too hard, because Maya clearly sucks at getting married and the wedding photos will be burned within hours of the second divorce, so no one will ever remember what Kristen did in that wedding. If she is suddenly best woman in Rose Byrne’s wedding or Sookie’s or one of the other background types, then Kristen should have learned from the events of the first movie what she should have done to defuse all the bridal party tension, and if she doesn’t learn such an obvious lesson, then she is not a character we should be interested in seeing anymore. Why not have the exact same situation as the first movie with a new cast of characters who react and interact differently? Would the hangover 2 have been received better if there was an all new cast and they stayed in vegas? Let’s see

    New Stu: I cant find New Doug!!!
    New Phil: He’s right there in bed where we left him after we got back from seeing Gloria Estefan and going to bed at 9:30 sharp. You can’t see him because you’re not wearing your super thick prescription glasses.
    New Stu: Oh no, my glasses! My wife to whom I’ve been married happily for 27 years might frown slightly when I ask to borrow the family checkbook to buy a new pair.
    New Alan: I’m sorry, dear friend, but I accidentally sat on them while finding a comfortable position to catch up on last month’s Reader’s Digest. You see, like Old Alan, I’m still quite fat.
    New Whatever Senor Chang’s Character Was Named: While you may be fat, I respect your differences and will refrain from any hurtful or underhanded remarks directed at you.
    New Alan: Well, thanks, friend! (New Stu, New Phil, New Doug, New Black Doug, New Heather Graham, and Old Mike Tyson all laugh good naturedly but a little too loudly as New Alan and New Chang warmly embrace. Exeunt all as they then head to the airport to go back to Fort Lauderdale, where they spend the rest of their days without incident)

    You see, Hollywood may have been pumping out sequels, but you couldn’t accuse them of wholly caving to economic considerations over any semblance of creativity with this strategy

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