Back in 2001, right at the turn of the new Willennium, Mark Wahlberg played the lead in a Tim Burton remake of Planet of the Apes that nobody really liked. I guess. I don’t remember the movie or anyone’s reaction because that was, like, A LOT of years ago and I’m not aware of every movie that has ever existed, but based on some research I just did, AKA reading the interview that I’m about to quote in which Mark Wahlberg states that he played the lead and that the movie “wasn’t good,” I’ve established that he was the lead and that it was not a good movie. Are we all clear on this? UGH, YOU GUYS. You always make everything so roundabout. Anyway, during the filming of the movie, Mark Wahlberg went clubbing with Tim Burton in Paris, which sounds normal enough already, and has absolutely nailed how to describe the experience in a very clear and direct way that makes the most sense. From MTV:

I had the most amazing time with Tim. I run to be on the set with him. We were doing reshoots, and he came out with me to Paris. We’re in the club. Tim was in the club, man. Tim was in the club. Then he’d be drawing people, and all of his caricatures looked the same. He’d be drawing people in the club.

Hahah oooooook, got it. I think I have it. It’s difficult sometimes to wrap one’s mind about a situation that one would never be in, like being with Tim Burton at a club in Paris (I guess? Or is it a club CALLED Paris?) (I have to imagine that they wouldn’t be going to a club called “Paris,” but if you’re going to try to make your anecdote SUPER CLEAR, maybe you should also try to make where you’re going in your anecdote super clear.), but I think I get what’s going on in this one. Short explanatory rundown for those of you who haven’t really gotten it yet after the jump.

  1. They were both in the club.
  2. Tim was in the club.
  3. Tim was in the club.
  4. Tim would be drawing people in the club and the caricatures all looked the same.
  5. Tim would be drawing people in the club.

Get it yet? THEY WAS IN THE CLUB, MAN! (Via Vulture.)

Comments (20)
  1. Mark, that isn’t a story, that’s just a funky bunch of sentences.

  2. He switches tenses too much. I can’t follow.

  3. He just produced Entourage, right? Are we sure he didn’t write every episode himself?

  4. I went to a bar in Spain once, where a very shady guy was giving people tattoos in the corner in exchange for drinks. Like, actual tattoos. I didn’t get one, because I don’t like infections, but I probably would have if I’d realized it was Tim Burton!

  5. Mark, we all have these type of stories. You’re supposed to end it with a sheepish, “Well, I guess you had to be there.” not keep repeating yourself until people get how cool the story is.

  6. “Tim, I want you to draw me like one of your French girls.” — Mark Wahlberg.

  7. It is about to pop off. Pop. Off.

  8. This entry isn’t fair taken out context, nor that funny taken in context. Watch the video on MTV. He’s not just rambling about Tim being in the club. The interviewer was taken aback by that fact, so Wahlberg felt the need to repeat himself.

  9. Kelly, you’re laughing, but that quote reads just like Farewell to Arms-era Hemingway. Try reading it in a Hemingway in Midnight in Paris voice:

    I had the most amazing time with Tim. I run to be on the set with him. We were doing reshoots, and he came out with me to Paris. We’re in the club. Tim was in the club, man. Tim was in the club. Then he’d be drawing people, and all of his caricatures looked the same. He’d be drawing people in the club.

  10. Are we sure they weren’t at a club in PAH!-ris?

  11. It is about to pop off. Pop. Off.Maybe you want to check out wWw==richsingleclub.COM==. It’s the largest and best club for seeking CEOs, athletes, doctors, lawyers, investors, entrepreneurs, beauty queens, fitness models, and Hollywood celebrities. It also features certified m illionaire and verified beautiful women. What’s the most important is: you dont have to be a m illionaire, but you can meet one. I believe you will success there since I found my true love there.

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