As a rule, a children’s movie cannot be the Worst Movie of All Time. Make no mistake, children’s movies are categorically horrible, with very few exceptions, and those exceptions tend to be children’s movies that are mostly for adults, i.e. the only good children’s movies are actually adults’ movies. But even the worst children’s movie has an intended audience of uneducated monsters (children), so you can’t really get mad at it. As someone who once declared the live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie to be “probably the best movie I’ve ever seen. It was incredible,” I feel confident in saying that children’s movies serve their own unique function outside the bounds of mature (mature?) criticism.

So there was some debate about whether or not Kangaroo Jack even belonged in the Hunt. Obviously, it was terrible. That was not up for debate. If absolutely no one on Earth saw this movie (and that is not the case at all, so many people saw this, what?), it would still be generally thought of as horrible. But is it a children’s movie? Because if it is, let’s move on and leave sleeping kangaroos lie (sorry). But Kangaroo Jack is not a children’s movie exactly. For one, it doesn’t have any children in it. As a general pre-requisite a children’s movie has at least one child in it, as a stand in for the young viewer. Or, if not a child, then a CGI creature with childlike qualities. Could that be the titular Kangaroo Jack? Almost, except that he’s not at all childlike, or even remotely funny or interesting or any kind of narrative subject for the theoretical child-viewer’s gaze. He mostly behaves like an actual kangaroo (with the exception of one miserable dream sequence), and he’s CGI because it’s impossible to get a kangaroo to do what you want on a movie. So, the final conclusion is that this is a family movie (wikipedia describes it as a “buddy-action movie” which seems stupidly generous) and is thereby a valid entry in the Hunt. PHEW.

Kangaroo Jack stars Jerry O’Connell as Charlie Carbone, a hairdresser whose stepfather is a notorious mob boss, Salvatore Maggio, and whose best friend is a total klutz. Charlie and his best friend, Anthony Anderson, end up drawing the police to one of Salvatore’s illegal crime mafia warehouses (long story), so to make it up to him, they agree to transport an envelope (which turns out to have $50,000 in it) for him to a Mr. Smith in Australia. On the way to meet Mr. Smith, they accidentally hit a kangaroo, and do what any sensible pair of friends stuck in the middle of a desert in the midst of perpetrating what is obviously a serious crime (a favor for a mob boss involving large sums of cash across international lines) would do: they dress the dead kangaroo up in their clothes and take pictures with it. Except the kangaroo is not dead, and it kicks Jerry O’Connell in the face (good job), and runs away. Except that it’s still wearing Anthony Anderson’s “lucky coat” which has the envelope full of money in it, and the rest of the movie, duh, is them trying to get the envelope back, only to discover that the $50,000 was actually a payment to Mr. Smith from Salvatore to kill Jerry O’Connell (his stepson remember) and Anthony Anderson, so eventually all the bad guys go to jail and also Jerry O’Connell falls in love with a wildlife preservationist.

Not to get too deep back into the children’s vs. family movie debate, but this movie is so stupid that it’s definitely tempting to pass it off as “for kids.” It even has the requisite makeshift WATERSLIDE scene that is the hallmark of the child’s adventure.

Not to mention what passes for comedy around here:

But what’s sad is that based on the plot alone, this obviously is not for children. You could probably get away with taking your children to see it, but we’re dealing with mob bosses and hired assassins. Even with its ham-handed slapstick comedy and non-lethal cartoon violence, I think the line for where a children’s movie ends and an adult’s movie begins is drawn at the explanation of “well, you see, honey, the silly man is working as a cash mule for his mafia don stepfather, who has actually tricked him into transporting the payment for his own assassination. It’s the kind of sadistically ironic ploy we associate with people who’ve made a career for themselves through a carefully organized and ruthlessly managed crime syndicate.”

NOT that everything isn’t created with a child-like brain in mind. Even the “adult” content is impossibly retarded.

So, if it’s not for children, then what does that say about us as adults?

Kangaroo Jack was the number one movie in the country when it came out, which is something too baffling and upsetting to really spend any time thinking about. It’s like they say, a lot of good Germans were Nazis, too. Or something. You never know what you’ll do when pushed. Etc. Watching it now, it seems clear that Jerry Bruckheimer had never been to Australia and just wanted a reason to go, and if the piece of shit that made his vacation tax deductible happened to break even, all the better.

The real nightmare in Kangaroo Jack though is not the CGI kangaroo or the fart jokes or the keystone chase through the Outback or the emotionally vacuous love affair or the fact that the only reason anyone even got into this mess in the first place is because Anthony Anderson is actually a CRIMINAL involved in CRIMINAL ACTIVITY (the initial botched caper involved unloading a truck full of stolen televisions) and yet he is depicted throughout as the bumbling fun-loving friend and no one ever spends any time dealing in any serious way with his criminal past and if anything the movie is a confirmation of him as a good guy. No, the real nightmare in Kangaroo Jack is Jerry “Small Wonder” O’Connell.

He is absolutely the worst ever. He’s like a fake-tanned “acting” robot who’s switch has been turned to “on/annoying” and then snapped off. Except that he can’t act (his being annoying range is impressive, though). And you start to get the sense while watching this movie that this is just actually the way that he is, all the time. A cipher. A monster. Good luck, babies. Daddy is a nightmare.

Next week: Havoc. As always, please leave your suggestions in the comments or in an email. And if you haven’t done so already, please consult the Official Rules.

Comments (101)
  1. Natasha  |   Posted on Jan 5th, 2009 0

    When Will I Be Loved. Game over – there is no way there is a movie worse than this. The movie opens with a dude getting a blow job from two women on a weird little cliff in what appears to be a public park. for no reason. This is never explained. Intrigued? ugh.

  2. Chadams  |   Posted on Jan 5th, 2009 0

    Estella Warren is the hardest actress to watch make complete sentences in the universe. Just statin’ a fact.

    If you can find it, I’d recommend taking “Zyzzyx Rd.” for a spin. I say this having never seen the lowest grossing movie of all time. That, and “Delgo” when it hits DVD shelves in half an hour. I know it’s a kids’ movie, but your sense of schadenfruede should overpower you, nonetheless.

  3. aw, I loved the O’Connell brothers in Sliders. But not that much, jokes on you Jerry!

    Also, can I recommend Wing Commander? Terrible. So bad, even Freddy Prinze Jr was embarrassed of it.

    • HA HA! Oh man, Wing Commander is the worst. Let me just say that as a 9 year old child watching this in the theaters with all the big sound effects and the giant screen, I could still pick up the awfulness that I was watching. I vaguely remember shooting Freddie Prinze Jr. in the head several times with my hands made of guns. :)

      Also, I have a theory Freddie Prinze Jr. never wanted to be taken seriously as an actor to begin with as his name is so awful and he never chose to change it.

      • Speaking of when we were nine years old, I nominate Star Wars Episode One. And Two. And Three.

        Episode One for Jar Jar Binks, Episode Two for George Lucas’ inability to write anything relating to romance, and Episode Three for Hayden Christensen.

        • It could be argued that Freddie Prinze jr was on one of the two lists. He was leading a bunch of movies around the time wing commander was released (she’s all that, down to you, etc.), so someone thought he was drawing an audience.

    • Michelle Ebanks  |   Posted on Jan 10th, 2009 0

      Wing commander was so excruciating to watch. I liken it to water torture for the mind.My brain passed out 25 minutes into the abuse.It hasnt been the same since.It wimpers at the mention at the word prince.But I dont think anyone A or B list was in it.

  4. The same people that saw this movie on opening weekend purchased a copy of The California Raisins album without irony. Or they were totally stoned (I’m looking at you, Lindsay).

  5. Yours, Mine and Ours: Dennis Quaid, Rene Russo and 18 CHILDREN. Hilarity ensues.

    Also features Rip Torn and Linda Hunt (!) and Jerry O’Connell.

  6. I was actually 90% sure that Kangaroo Jack starred Robin Williams.

    But this does remind me that the Crocodile Hunter (RIP) movie might be a good one for WMOAT.

  7. Turk 182. Timothy Hutton, Kim Catrall, Peter Boyle and Paul Sorvino should all be ashamed.

  8. Dane  |   Posted on Jan 5th, 2009 +2

    Alright so my fiancee was watching “Mermaids” starring Wynona Rider, Chiristina Ricci, and fucking CHER as their mom, and it seemed all bullshit, and when 4 year old Christina Ricci almost drowns I was reading Patton Oswalt’s myspace entry on Jason Statham and laughing and my fiancee got pissed because I was laughing and ignoring the film, so I nominate it because the bit I overheard seemed pretty shitty.

    • “I want to stay!”
      “And do what?”
      “Finish High School!”
      “Great start! What’s your major? Town tramp?”
      “No, Mom. The town already has one.”
      SLAP

  9. y  |   Posted on Jan 5th, 2009 +3

    UGH I was about 12 when this movie came out and I had enough sense then to absolutely hate it…

    I would suggest Marie Antoinette, just because nothing at all happens….ever

    I’m just happy that Across the Universe is on the list.

  10. JGirl  |   Posted on Jan 5th, 2009 0

    Please please do Undiscovered, that movie is so bad it makes me angry

  11. mmmmmm  |   Posted on Jan 5th, 2009 0

    i know that it probably shouldn’t count but i was just so baffled by seeing “Pinata Survival Island” on AMC (i’ll repeat that; AMC) that I’ve had to tell everyone to check it out and let me know if they also find it to be a classic

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0201844/

    Even though it was made in 2002 it looks like a 90s porn. Maybe it’s supposed to be a period piece…

  12. Okay- this is a worthy choice. It IS horrendous.
    But please allow me to nominate, for your consideration, 2 more:
    Joe vs. The Volcano.
    This comes under the category of WTF was Tom Hanks thinking of?
    One more: Wholly Moses. Dudley Moore admitted he just did it for the $. And that is what you get when you start shooting without a finished script, like they did on this turkey. If you are a masochist and bother watching it to the end, you can tell they had no idea where they were going; no direction- it is painfully clear.

  13. Mark.  |   Posted on Jan 5th, 2009 0

    I love everything about this contest.

    Small thing, though: I think (and lord knows I could be wrong) that you’re saying Jerry O’Connell was in Small Wonder? Because he wasn’t. He was in My Secret Identity, which was equally stupid.

  14. when this came out, it was 2003 and I was fairly certain George W Bush would never get re-elected. Then this movie became #1 in the box office. I lost a lot of my perspective of America that day, and then allowed my self to realize that Bush would be re-elected…. I wish I was joking, too.

  15. tough titties turkleton  |   Posted on Jan 5th, 2009 -1

    oh yes i can’t wait for havoc! that movie is the WORST, i always bring it up when my friends try to tell me anne hathaway is a good actor and i can’t believe it when that doesn’t shut them down immediately.

  16. Leighton  |   Posted on Jan 6th, 2009 0

    I’m actively campaigning for Run, Fatboy, Run. That movie damaged me.

    • tough titties turkleton  |   Posted on Jan 6th, 2009 0

      aw, really?? i thought it was pretty harmless rom-com stuff (thanks to david schwimmer) plus some extra actual funny (thanks to simon pegg and michael ian black). damaged??

  17. west  |   Posted on Jan 6th, 2009 0

    They’re long-shots, but I nominate In the Land of Women and The Last Supper.

  18. Dick!  |   Posted on Jan 6th, 2009 +3

    Can we just declare Paul Blart: Mall Cop the worst movie of all time already. Seriously, I cringe everytime I see an ad for that crap.

  19. Agreed, not a children’s movie. I remember seeing it as a 13 year old with my 9 year old sister and being mildly not okay with the part where Jerry O’Connell grabs the girl’s boobs because she thinks she’s a mirage. Very uncomfortable.

  20. Im sorry but the WORST nationally distributed movie ever is…without question…. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

    This movie is so incoherent its not just funny, its art house.

    Seriously, i dare anyone to watch the first 3 minutes and tell me im wrong. Extra points if you watch it with some one who has never played MK.

    Ermac, you know the red version of scorpion, is a “main” “character”.

    double points for taking a shot of whiskey at every unsupported character entrance or death, unnecessary front or back flip, or take a beer shot at every random special move

    Oh my god the Animality is the WORST CG ever in a movie, seriously

    I think there are over 40 random special moves

  21. My sister was working with a group of mentally-disabled children when this movie came out. The head of the institution rented a bus and took all of the kids to see this movie. Forreal. That’s why this movie was made.

  22. RobinRubbermaid  |   Posted on Jan 6th, 2009 +2

    You will probably not think these are the worst movies of all time, but critics did not savage them to my satisfaction and I want you to do this please, Gabe:
    *Shopgirl. Please discuss in full Steve Martin’s just plain creepiness as a millionare who nails Clare Danes (like one THIRD his age) and the weirdness of him also narrating the movie as some kind of omniscient super-enlightened Tolstoy figure. Oh, and also? Not funny.
    *Marie Antoinette. It’s like if your grandmother’s porcelain figurines played Bow Wow Wow songs. Except not as cool as that would be.
    *Eyes Wide Shut. Overhyped, completely unerotic, and preposterous on so many levels.

  23. Annie  |   Posted on Jan 6th, 2009 0

    The Astronauts Wife or maybe, White Nights? A politically charged dance-thriller?
    Its got Mikhail Baryshnikov and Helen Mirren!

  24. Julie  |   Posted on Jan 6th, 2009 0

    Steve Martin narrates Shopgirl because he wrote the book. der.

    And I totally second White Nights, annie. Seriously, wtf

  25. RobinRubbermaid  |   Posted on Jan 6th, 2009 -1

    See, I know that. So he should have had someone else play “his” cradle-robber character. You know…for dramatic/narrative coherence? Can’t have it both ways.

  26. mike  |   Posted on Jan 6th, 2009 -4

    The worst movie of all time, without a doubt, is THE THIN RED LINE. 3 and a 1/2 unbearable hours of pseudo-philosophical gibberish and not even a pretense of a story. No movie even comes close. I would have rather suffered through WWII than this movie (that claims to be) about it.

    The only other movie in history that comes close is DROP DEAD FRED. Apparently, dropping dead was what the movie wanted you to want to do.

  27. yrboyfriend  |   Posted on Jan 6th, 2009 -1

    I nominate Die Hard 2 to the Hunt! The ridiculous use of profanity should be enough to get it nominated. Cable seems to agree that it is awful and unwatchable – I’ve never seen it broadcast – only 1 and 3 (4 if you have premium).

  28. Jerry O’Connel is the reason I stopped likeing Rebecca Post Stamos

  29. julie  |   Posted on Jan 6th, 2009 +1

    Tom Hanks was going to be the cradle-robber character…. and jimmy fallon was going to be the young guy.
    I’m sorry. I just really liked Shopgirl. I would agree with you thinking it sucked had Jimmy Fallon been in it… but he wasn’t so I don’t.

  30. Steve Sanders  |   Posted on Jan 6th, 2009 0

    Has the Love Guru been done?

    Goldfinger was bad, but this is an abomination. An annoying main character no one could possibly like and the pathetic douchebaggery of JT and Alba.

  31. Robert  |   Posted on Jan 7th, 2009 0

    After stumbling on the horrendous Wing Commander, I feel pretty comfortable saying that Freddie Prince Jr might be the most actor in the last 20 years. Look at some of the resume: Summer’s Catch, Scooby Doo, Wing Commander, and last of all: Delgo. Can someone please watch that and report? The lowest grossing movie of all time?

    I’m still not giving up on The Last Kiss. Damn, it sucked.

  32. I feel like all movies starring Nicholas Cage should be automatically submitted for WMOAT, but I think Wicker Man aside, Bangkok Dangerous might be the worst movie starring Nicholas Cage of all time.

    My sister made a fitting observation: He looks like a Michael Myers mask.

  33. These are noble beasts, my friend!

  34. Gabe, a little history on this movie: it was originally conceived as a buddy action film for adults. They then went back and reshot half the movie and changed a real kangaroo into the CGI thing you see, and recut it for kids. Result: shit sandwich, minus the bread.

  35. racks don't make a movie good  |   Posted on Jan 7th, 2009 0

    For Your Consideration: Chasing Papi

  36. Nos  |   Posted on Jan 7th, 2009 +2

    How about “Life or Something Like It”? That movie made me question everything.

    • sammy  |   Posted on Jan 12th, 2009 0

      Second…Life or Something Like It. Absurd the entire way through. Then the icing is near the end when Ed Burns friend (who may or may not be played by Peter Berg, I cant remember now) tries to convey a deep analogy comparing Angelina to Altoids. Fucking Altoids. Something about how altoids are too powerful at first but then you crave that power after awhile. I think he even reads the “curiously strong” line off the label. If it isnt the worst movie of all time it contains the worst analogy of all time.

  37. *Ghost Rider:A superhero movie starring an aging actor full of cheesy one-liners.
    *Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: An action movie with a much-beloved character starring an aging actor full of cheesy one-liners. And filthy Commies.

  38. Meredith  |   Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 0

    She’s the Man has gotta be the worst movie I’ve seen all the way through. Does Amanda Bynes count as A or B list? If she does you should do it.

    Also, Marie Antoinette was great. People just didn’t like it because it stepped outside of the bounds of regular movie structure.

  39. jimh  |   Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 0

    White Chicks.
    Although since I didn’t watch it all the way through, it might have redeemed itself by the end. But I’m betting against that.

  40. ////  |   Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 0

    anyone remember leonard part six with bill cosby?

  41. I hella liked Death Sentence and thought it was a dope film.

    It is really hard to pick out a worst movie because there are an awful lot to choose from. Just last year we had: Love Guru, Zohan, Drillbit Taylor, Speed Racer, Over Her Dead Body, Witless Protection, Meet the Spartans, The Eye, The Day the Earth Stood Still and awful, awful Eagle Eye. Yes the Hollywood celeb machine is the suxorz.

  42. Kangaroo Jack, reminds me of that kangaroo in Tekken with the boxing gloves. But he’s obviously much cooler than this so called kangaroo.

  43. Alex  |   Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 +3

    The Sweetest Thing. It fits the rules and makes everyone who watches it want to gouge their own eyes out. I’ve seen some others nominate this one. It is without question The Worst.

  44. Sara  |   Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 0

    Hurlyburly!!!!!!!!!!

  45. Sara  |   Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 0

    Again I say :Hurltburly. Worst movie ever!!! Here is the Wikipedia description, so you know it is basically unbiased.

    “More than three hours long, it focuses on the intersecting lives of several low to mid-level Hollywood players in the 1980s. Fueled by massive amounts of drugs, they attempt to find some meaning in their isolated, empty lives by engaging in endless discussions laced with misogyny. The central character Eddie’s oft-repeated apathetic question “How does it pertain to me?”, sums up his spiritual agony as he heads for catharsis.”

    Endless discussions laced with misogyny? Low to mid level Hollywood players in the 80′s?
    If that doesn’t sound like the worst movie of all time than what is?

  46. How in the hell has no one mentioned Transformers? Shia Lebouf + Cliches + Robot Black stereotyoes = Gonorrhea in cinema form. And also, you probably haven’t heard of it, but Revenge of the Red Baron is most definitely the worst movie ever. And it qualifies because it has toby macquire in it.

  47. pay it forward!!!

  48. Anna  |   Posted on Jan 9th, 2009 0

    Actually, many people think “Leonard Part 6″ is the worst movie of all time. I seem to remember Bill Cosby in a tutu riding an ostrich… and it just got stranger from there!

  49. My favorite thing about this review is the phrase “impossibly retarded.” It applies just as easily to that love scene as it does to any expression on Jerry O’Connell’s face. I have to admit that I laughed a couple of times during that camel-farting scene, though. I’m an easy mark for fart-based humor. As for other suggestions: “Cobra,” the 1986 Stallone vehicle. I saw this at the theater (I know) and fell asleep about midway through, and I wasn’t even drunk.

  50. skls  |   Posted on Jan 10th, 2009 0

    Across the Universe: I believe Bono’s the only star in it and when he shows up you want to shoot him, it’s directed by Julie Taymor of Lion King fame, it’s faux-trippy and it will have horrid renditions of the Beatles’ entire repertoire in your head for weeks.

  51. Tomcats may not be the worst movie of all time, but I have to nominate it almost solely because of Jerry O’Connell. I clicked on this category of post just to write his name and lo and behold, he is in the latest entry.

    As for Tomcats: Jerry O’Connell, Jake Busey, Shannon Elizabeth, Las Vegas, and a doctor eats a testicle.

  52. ST. ELMO’S FIRE
    1985

  53. ST. ELMO’S FIRE
    1985

  54. jennybean  |   Posted on Jan 11th, 2009 0

    It’s been said before but “John Tucker Must Die” is a piece of crap.
    Another good one is that Keanu Reeves/Sanda Bullock shitfest “The Lake House.” That’s probably worst than John Tucker. It’s basically a glorified lifetime movie. Except worse and less entertaining than the average lifetime movie.
    And can I nominate Twilight? It’s hilariously bad.
    Thank you for your expose of Elizabethtown. That was truly atrocious
    Also- MINI’S FIRST TIME. Please look it up. It’s the worst movie I have ever seen. EVER

  55. sam waterston  |   Posted on Jan 11th, 2009 +1

    BALLISTIC: ECKS VS SEVER!

  56. I remember watching a piece on Entertainment Tonight about this film, with the lady actress, obviously perturbed to even be involved in the film, that she was disgusted with the kissing scene.
    Jerry O’Connell and Anthony Anderson, who I add were at a different location, made a bunch of dick jokes and high-fived.
    Killer.

  57. alex  |   Posted on Jan 12th, 2009 -2

    has one suggested Sunshine? in the wake of Danny Boyle’s awesome wins at the Golden Globes i think it’d be nice to pay homage to this piece of garbage.

  58. THEODORE REX trumps KANGAROO JACK. Whoopi Goldberg fighting crime with a sassy dinosaur in modified 3-toe converse? Yes please.

  59. Has anyone suggested “Teen Witch”? Then I shall: “Teen Witch” (1989) is very likely the worst movie ever about teenagers, and also the worst movie ever about witches. It is also very likely the worst musical of all time, and we all now that’s saying something. Even if you disagree about how awful it is (and you won’t), it might still be of interest because it stars Blake Lively’s big sister, Robin. (Choose your scripts wisely, Blake.)

  60. Please excuse me if this has been nominated, but 1980 musical The Apple is one of the most inexplicable movies ever made. Nothing can really prepare you for it, but the trailer does give you just a taste of what’s in store:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BY9cvgrP1c

  61. nick  |   Posted on Jan 13th, 2009 0

    The worst movie ever made was Deperate Measure starring Michael Keaton and Andy Garcia. Here is the tagline from IMDB:

    “His son needs a DNA donor to live. The clock is ticking. The only match is a vicious killer. Now all Frank Conner has to do is catch him.”

    Seriously. Horrible plot twist, horrible acting. This is the kind of movie that people get fired for.

  62. cherry  |   Posted on Jan 13th, 2009 -1

    PLEASE JUST WATCH ZARDOZ STARRING SEAN CONNERY. that is it. that is IT.

    runner-up: the next best thing starring madonna and rupert everett. madonna has sex, inexplicably, with her best guy friend, who is gay, and then gets pregnant, and they raise the child together, but then years later it turns out it isn’t even his son, and they get into all sorts of fights and rupert everett makes a moving speech about family and love and blood ties. also notable for madonna’s strange, maybe-british accent.

  63. Alexis  |   Posted on Jan 14th, 2009 0

    Because I Said So. Horrific. Also, Just My Luck.

  64. ak  |   Posted on Jan 14th, 2009 0

    I nominate Sukiyaki Western Django. Though maybe it doesn’t count because it’s foreign and there’s no one famous in it. Either way, it’s a hideously horrible movie. The only worse movie I’ve ever seen is Beowulf (I nominate that too if computer animated movies count).

  65. wc  |   Posted on Jan 14th, 2009 +1

    Eyes Wide Shut is the biggest waste of three hours I can ever remember spending in my whole life – what makes it worse is that it was the last movie Kubrick made before he died. This movie was hyped for the sex scenes (which were few and horribly acted), the Kubrick factor (he must’ve been smoking something better than I ever have), and Cruise/ Kidman (’nuff said!). I’ll never get that time back and it pains me to think about the Soap Operas I could have watched during that excruciating three hours which would have been more worthwhile.

  66. geoff  |   Posted on Jan 14th, 2009 0

    um gigli? j-lo as lesbian body guard turned by ben affleck. turkey time. gobble gobble gobble? oh and a retarded kid hung up on baywatch?

  67. Sully  |   Posted on Jan 14th, 2009 0

    The Floating Godhead? Sean Connery in a bandoliered g-string and stripper boots? Way to go, Cherry, with Zardoz. I’ve been telling people for years that this was indeed the worst movie of all time, even though it starred my personal favorite Mr. Connery.

    Only competition in my experience is Where Angels Go Trouble Follows, the abominable sequel to the endearing Trouble With Angels.

  68. Kat   |   Posted on Jan 14th, 2009 0

    Has anyone suggested ROLLERBALL yet!?!?

  69. CC  |   Posted on Jan 15th, 2009 0

    May I suggest MADE IN AMERICA and GOOD LUCK CHUCK? Both awful.

  70. courtney  |   Posted on Jan 15th, 2009 0

    It’s funny how last night Paul Bettany was on Conan last night telling him he hated Kangaroo Jack so much but because of his kids he had to watch it over and over again wanting to desperately shoot himself in the head. By the way is the next movie coming next week?

  71. mat  |   Posted on Jan 15th, 2009 +1

    I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Not only does it contain terrible actors (Adam Sandler), it’s probably the most offensive movie I’ve ever seen. They’ve managed to reduce gay marriage to anal sex, and still haven’t moved past it by the end. Never have I been more nauseated by the movie.

  72. Armageddon. Armageddon. Armageddon.

  73. Savage Grace. I just got around to watching it last night and I wish I hadn’t. I can’t understand why Julianne Moore wasted her time on that awful, awful movie.

    Also, Love in the Time of Cholera. Has to be the worst, most disappointing movie I’ve ever seen. My boyfriend suggested Batman and Robin. I have been smart enough to avoid that disaster. And speaking of disasters, I second the Armageddon nomination.

  74. P.S. Tiptoes. It has to be the worst movie Gary Oldman (as a “little person,” btw) has ever been in and it’s horribly offensive (even though I think it tries to show “little people” in a sensitive light). Also, it costars Matthew McConaughey as his average-sized brother, Peter Dinklage as his French friend (I love him but his accent in this is terrible). Patricia Arquette and Kate Beckinsale. I still don’t know why I watched this all the way through.

  75. caitlin  |   Posted on Jan 17th, 2009 +1

    please consider will smith and kevin kline in WILD WILD WEST.

    that movie is beyond horrible.

  76. tingting  |   Posted on Jan 18th, 2009 +1

    BECAUSE I SAID SO, starring mandy moore and diane keaton… this movie MUST be considered.

  77. Also: Gangs of New York. Say what you will, but that movie was horribly disappointing. And awful. Just awful.

  78. momorg  |   Posted on Jan 19th, 2009 -1

    May I suggest WORKING GIRL! Extended analogy, the past film reviews have been obs, its like saying Bush is the worst president ever! We know this. Working Girl is like Ronald Reagan. That piece of bland, affectless, humorless, conservative, reactionary, piece of garbage was lauded with awards and success and its seriously disgusting and immoral not to mention the amount of talent wasted in it (Mike Nichols, Sig Weaver) PLUS I’m pretty sure Harrison date rapes Melanie as their “meet cute” . Greed and corporate culture are made cute and it is NOT a female empowerment flick.

  79. Mike  |   Posted on Jan 21st, 2009 0

    This is the first movie you’ve featured that may actually deserve the title of “worst movie of all time.” Congratulations, finally.

  80. ANTHONY ANDERSON IS MY BOYYYYYY!

  81. Exterminans  |   Posted on Mar 18th, 2009 -1

    These shit really sucks.

  82. TK  |   Posted on Jul 18th, 2009 0

    Estella Warren’s complete inability to pull off an Australian accent is pretty painful.

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