As we all know, public marriage proposals are terrible and we all hate them and no one feels any differently about it. But if you go about as far as you can on the “most terrible” side of the public marriage proposal scale, that is where you will find televised public marriage proposals. UGH, BARF. Gross gross gross. They are always disgusting and the worst and never sweet or heartwarming like they’re supposed to be. I GET IT, you’re in love and getting married. Lots of people are! I don’t know you, you stupid stranger! So I don’t care about your particular situation! GET OFF OF THE TV! That’s what everyone thinks in their heads when they see them on TV. But, uhhhh, so, this guy proposed to his girlfriend on Ellen and it’s one of the better things I’ve seen in my life? She says no, which is obviously best case scenario when we’re talking about televised marriage proposals, but uhhhh, then Ellen rings a bell? And everything gets really weird? It’s the best. You don’t even have to just believe me about it, you can watch it yourself!

So, ok, yes, that is the best. But. First of all, I’m going to assume that it wasn’t a joke? Ellen is kind of laughing at the end as if it was a joke, but, how? And why? And what? And GOOOOOOOOD JOKE! So, based on that reasoning, I don’t think it’s a joke. Second of all, that guy — what a doofus. Third of all, aww. Poor guy. Fourth of all, do you think the woman has been cheating on him for a while? That’s what I think. Fifth of all, THE BELL? I’m sure there is a explanation for the bell that I would know if I watched Ellen, but I am more than happy to not know what it is. Finally, hahahahahahahaha. The audience! From watching this guy’s life dissolve right in front of their eyes, STRAIGHT to on their feet cheering. Perfect. Great job, Ellen show audience. I love you. Will you marry me? (Via BuzzFeed.)

Comments (18)
  1. Not getting married seems like a pretty good gift.

    • Not getting married to the wrong person would be a pretty good gift. But being married to the right person is pretty fucking great, if you don’t mind my saying so.

  2. Well um will you marry me Ellen?
    I’m already married
    What’s his name?
    Her name is Portia, how did you not know that I’m a lesbian, I came out publicly 14 years ago, it was on the cover of People

  3. “this just proves that trivializing marriage is party of the hollywood gay agenda.” – Fox News weekend programming callsheet

    • “this just proves that trivializing marriage is part of the hollywood gay agenda to destroy christmas and denigrate good old fashioned american values until our colors DO run, run us right into the ground, if obamacare doesn’t first, so get out there and vote if you are 21 and love married christmas freedom.” – Fox News weekend programming callsheet

      fixed it.

  4. Ellen was laughing because she’s already had her own experiences with Mr. Wrong…

  5. I’m a little confused here. Was she saying sorry as in she’s sorry to say she won’t marry him? Was she saying she’s sorry to be a crying mess? Dis she turn him down? If she turned him down, why did everyone act like he was the millionth customer at the supermarket and he got a year’s supply of ham? What happened?!?!?

  6. Kelly.

    *checks to see if anyone is looking*

    Will you marry me?

  7. I think public divorces should be the next big fad.

    “Your husband flew all the way out here to surprise you!”

    *crowd cheers*

    “Honey, we’ve been together for 7 years now and there’s only one thing I could think of that would enrich my life and that would be not spending the rest of my life with you, you cheating whore.”


    *crowd goes bananas*

    • maybe the next reality show can combine republican debate audiences with people wanting to divorce publicly, to ensure the worst parts of an uncomfortable-to-witness-situation that everyone else is hoping will end soon will get the most claps/laffs/thumbs ups/mission accomplished signs.

  8. This is a tradition that goes back to Ancient Greece, when the Amazons used to require their menfolk to propose during stagings of Lysistrata.

    I don’t think this joke works.

  9. Well, the bells are what happen when she gets ready to bring out a Christmas present for the audience.

    As for the proposal…the hell?

    That man may be scarred for life, but at least the audience gets a new TV!

  10. So, (And Don’t Judge me Videogum peers) I work for the Ellen show. In a nutshell. I’ve pretty much seen every episode of this show this season. Quote the Flintstones, “It’s a living”…. Not really.

    Anyways, This is 100% fake. Ellen does 12 days where she gives away gifts, and instead of announcing each one she starts up a segment where something goes really wrong, then they play this loud music and Ellen screams “Its the 12 Days of Giveaways!”. Not really funny. Ever. Often predictable if you watch it enough. I think its kind of funny this has gone viral like it was real. She did one where a woman went into labor, another where someone got in a fight on stage, another one where someone was just breaking stuff on set. Always fake.

    This is fake.


  11. The thing I like most about Ellen Degeneres is her wife.

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