Since 2004, a Hollywood executive named Franklin Leonard has compiled a list of the “hottest” up-and-coming but unproduced screenplays in town as voted on by a secret elite squad of more than 300 fellow executives and fat cats. The list has helped to launch the careers of people like Diablo Cody, and whoever wrote (500) Days of Summer. Today, the list for 2011 came out, and you can read it here. Congratulations to everyone who made this year’s list. Especially a promising young man named Quentin Tarantino?! (Some people complain that the list has become a publicity tool of the studios, and that rather than highlighting unknown writers as it was originally intended to do, the list is now a collection of relatively high-profile and pre-vetted projects written by established showbiz insiders. I have no idea what half of the words in that sentence even mean, so I do not know if this is true or not, but I will say that Quentin Tarantino getting a script on The Black List definitely suggests that something might be up. Congratulations to him, though. Fingers crossed for all of his hopes and dreams.) Of course, as is Hollywood Tradition, another Black List was released today. Gabe Delahaye’s Black List Of Make Believe Movie Titles He Just Made Up Two Seconds Ago 2011. It’s a real treat every year. People love it. (Previously: My The Black List, 2010, My The Black List, 2009, and My The Black List, 2008.)

As always, I am proud to present first and exclusively the My The Black List in its entirety:

Doctor’s Orders
Welcome To Dream Town, Population: Orphans
Waiter, There’s A Zombie In My Soup!
11 Coats
A Young Girl Does Something That Surprises Her Close Minded Native Town Of Male Elders
Major Claybourne’s Sonnet
Heaviness
What I Learned From Some Elephants
Yo, Mrs. Kafka!
You And Me And Him And Her And Us And Them And This And That And Huh?

Congratulations to all of the made up titles that are so stupid.

Comments (67)
  1. Is 11 Coats the sequel to 1,111 Dalmatians?

  2. I notice you didn’t include any made-up titles written by FEMAILE made-up writers. Care to comment?

  3. That one where you buy an overpriced ticket

  4. Waiter, There’s A Zombie In My Soup! = Automatic Oscar. Move over Clint Eastwood, we got a new Gabe in town for the Oscars

  5. Is “What I Learned From Some Elephants” the long-awaited sequel to Operation: Dumbo Drop? I hope it is. I’VE BEEN WAAAAAAAAITING………

  6. Riffin’ With Gabe

  7. “Yo, Mrs. Kafka!” made me chortle. Chortles are good. We like chortles.

  8. Poor Kids In Africa Are Smart
    Like Water For Elephants II
    Slow Motion Memories
    Strangerz On A Trizzain
    My Wife And Children Are Dead
    Sympathetic Attractive People
    Connect Four: The Movie
    Cheese And Whine
    Everyone I Know Has A Beard
    My Dreams Are Better Than Yours
    Scrappy Kid From The Streets
    Drug Habits Make You Stronger

  9. “Major Claybourne’s Sonnet” just made me choke on my Coke Zero!

  10. Gabriel’s List

  11. Still waiting for the M*A*S*H* re-re-reboot set in present day Afghanistan, and starring a bunch of young Hollywood hunks. C’mon Tinseltown, this stuff’s not gonna write itself!

  12. Really?? REALLY?!?!

    “MAGGIE by John Scott 3
    As a “walking dead” virus spreads across the country, a farm family helps their eldest daughter come to terms with her infection as she slowly becomes a flesh-eating zombie.”

    Come to terms with her infection?? OMG COME ON!

  13. You forgot these gems:

    Cretin
    Answer
    Slide
    The Cabinet
    Jigging
    Grabbed
    Movie

    and
    A Coat: The True Story of a Coat

  14. How To Make A Foreign Film Into A Gorgeous but Pointless Hollywood Blockbuster (first in a trilogy)

  15. Not Another Remake Movie

  16. JURASSIC PARK by Imran Zaidi
    A high school couple and two of their friends ditch school to catch a special preview screening of JURASSIC PARK.

    Uhhh.. WHAT?

    • I hope it’s better than Imran’s last movie, Schindler’s List

      • Seriously, that movie was terrible. I mean, first of all it was unrealistic. Would a high school couple and their friends ditch class to see a movie about Oscar Schindler? C’mon that would never happen.

        • And the ordering popcorn scene…my god. SO boring. Just order your popcorn and pick a soft drink already. Jeez. So much time wasted developing characters. I get it, Imran, your characters like Fanta and extra butter.

          • And talk about confusing! Who was the guy sitting behind them in the theatre? Why did he look so sad the whole time? That guy didn’t make any sense. He never even said anything and who goes to see a movie by themselves?!

          • And the ending. THE ENDING! They just leave the cinema and go home? Ugh. Credits. In the time I watched Imran’s Schindler’s List, I could have just watched Schindler’s List.

          • yeah, but for all the film’s problems, you’ve gotta admit that the highlight was when they initially sat down but then decided to move a couple rows up after they discovered the floor was all sticky with soda. The acting was spot on. I was like, “Wow, they really want to move so their shoes won’t get any more sticky.”

          • Oh PLEASE that was so anti-feminist, I mean first of all its just so stereotypical that the female character would want to move ‘ohhh my shoes are soooo sticky’ and then it’s the big strong male lead that has to save her butt and help her up the aisle. What a load of baloney. ‘Hello box office? I’d like my money back. And don’t you go and Jew me on it.’ – me, after seeing Schindler’s List

  17. Ryan Gosling: The Movie

    Someone Died And We’re Sad
    Men Still Don’t Know What Women Want
    Stella Gets ReGrooved
    Man vs. Nature vs. Boredom
    Hot Chicks and Dumpy Comedians

  18. 3-D Men and A Baby

  19. Crinkly Cranks: 2 Old 2 Cranky

  20. I’m Pooping: The Movie

  21. What about…

    Horse Riot 3D
    This Desk, Now
    Roofus en Vivo
    The Volvo Hammock

  22. Alien vs. A lien. (Topical mortgage crisis drama).

  23. I Melt With You

    oh wait. and also WMOAT.

  24. I’m sure the Black List has most definitely become a publicity tool for industry insiders, but a friend of mine’s script ended up on this year’s list, and he is a wildly unknown writer, so at least in one case I can tell you it is fulfilling its supposed purpose.

  25. “Sing Monkey Sing”

    Got this title from the megaplex marquee in the background of a Simpsons episode once.

  26. “Here Come the Quakers”

    I think that was on the same Simpsons marquee. Quite a double bill.

  27. What’s Up With Ladies?!

    Affluenza, or The Unbearable Whiteness of Being

    Klondike! (It’s about gold mining AND solitaire)

    Tamagotchi: The Motion Picture

  28. Damnable Punchbowl

  29. Donut School
    Mrs. Winterberg’s Good Idea
    Car Fight: High Stakes
    The President of Brazil Gets Down to It
    Swords on a Bike
    The Torture Experiment: R+D Phase
    Jaws

  30. The Thickest Pudding
    Ointment, Tincture, Lotion, Salve
    Once Upon a Time at Fuddrucker’s
    The Spy Wore Corduroy
    The Ukuleleist
    Bark Goes the Werewolf
    The Bourne Sudoku

  31. Fart: The Musical

    P.S. I’m posting two days after everyone is done with this thread, just to setup a pretty stupid joke for next year’s Black List. See you then.

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