You know when you wake up in your hippo bed and you roll over and move a few of the hippo pillows out of the way so you can get out and put on your hippo slippers and walk to the hippo shower, because even though you’ve tried in the past, you just CANNOT feel fully woken up without taking a hippo shower? Yeah. We’ve all had days before. We’re all alive, and I have to assume that most of us aren’t homeless. So I’m not sure what this news report’s angle is, singling this woman out just because, in addition to having a normal home life, she happens to drive a hippo car. (And it just happens to be her second hippo car.) Uhh, yeah. And? So yeah she has a hippo car and her home is full of hippos because she saw Fantasia a while ago and since then she’s just loved hippos, and all of her millions of hippo things have names, and, you know, whatever, but where’s the story here? Listen, ANY of us could have a hippo car if we wanted one. We’ve all thought about it and weighed the pros and cons and, to be sure, the pros outweigh the cons every single time but that’s when you realize that there are more things to consider then just pros and cons. Like the fact that you’d have to buy a car first and maybe some of us don’t have the funds or even the need for a car? We just shouldn’t have to compete like this, is all I’m saying. We all appreciate hippos the exact right amount, which is obsessively.

Ah, a simple portrait of American life. The thing that is most upsetting about this news report, though, is that it is NEVER pointed out that this woman’s name is Sue Chefman, AKA: SOUS CHEF-MAN. Hahahahaha. Sous Chef-man. Why aren’t you a sous chef, Sue Chefman? You’ve made a tremendous mistake. One of the largest mistakes I’ve come across in a long time. Maybe you can think about becoming a sous chef? It’s never too late! I know you were probably only expecting feedback about the hippo thing but, as we’ve already pointed out, that is normal and boring and what is most important is how your name is Sous Chef-man. Please make a career switch! You say you’re not a doctor and that you help people with your hippo car, which, ugh, let’s not even get into it, but maybe you can help people by being a sous chef? PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT, THAT’S ALL I ASK! (Via UniqueDaily.)

Comments (9)
  1. The hippos are no longer so hungry hungry because of all the barf

  2. Her family is lucky. Christmas shopping for her must be so easy. I wish people in my family had such cool obsessions.

  3. she has more than one option: she could change her name to sue hippoman, hippo sueman, head chefman (and become a head chef) or, maybe, just ‘driver’. (because she drives a hippo car.)

  4. How is it possible that she does not work for Disney by now? She should be a sous chef at Disneyworld.

  5. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • I totally desrve all the downvotes for this, so thanks. I just have an extreme dislike of knicknacks, and I always think about better uses for the money that’s spent nationally on “collectibles.” (Just to put it in perspective, spending on NASCAR memoribilia alone is between $1.5 – $2 billion per year. That’s a lot of money!) And yes, I understand how the free market works, and that people are entitled to buy stuff in their personal persuit of happiness, but I still feel like: “Ugh. That’s what we as a country spend our money on?” And by saying I’m not especially broke, I didn’t mean to sound braggy. I’m broke, just not more broke than lots of other folks these days.

      Also when the lady commented on somenone’s reaction to her car, saying that’s the reaction she’s looking for, it just pissed me off. I drive to get somewhere, not hoping people notice me. I feel like everyone’s trying to be the star of their own reality show, begging to be noticed. It makes me angry (hence my avatar). Anyway, back to downvoting me, pls.

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