I don’t have ANY proof of this, but I feel like I’ve been reading about these people with this GD Up house in every article I’ve ever read anywhere for the past one hundred years. I’ll admit that it’s possible that I’ve just read about it once or twice before and that those two times have only FELT like every single time for the past one hundred years, because SHUT UP ABOUT IT WHO CARES, but I’m leaning towards the original thing that I said. GET A REAL HOUSE! Anyway, something’s rotten in the state of Upmark, everybody. Get ready to get PISSED. From The Huffington Post:

Recently bought by a Bay Area couple for $400,000, the house was given a temporary permit to be built and painted. Now that it’s there, it’s bothering some neighbors.

“When we originally bought here, we were told that all the houses had to abide by certain paint colors on the outside,” Josh Bohrn, who lives behind the “Up” house, told the Deseret News. “We expect it to be painted an earth-tone color similar to the other houses in the neighborhood. That’s kind of the way we hope it turns out.”

So basically Josh Bohrn wants to keep colors out of his neighborhood? KEEP YOUR LAWS OFF OUR PIXAR-THEMED HUGE DECISIONS, JOSH BOHRN! As much as the Up house fills me with a misplaced rage that I haven’t fully unpacked yet for myself, the neighborhood forcing the owners of the Up house to repaint it in earth-tones fills me with an EVEN GREATER MISPLACED RAGE!  How dare you!!!!! Some of us prefer happiness and delight in the face of a bunch of EARTH-TONES. So please, if you feel how I feel (confused about everything except for the fact that you are upset) please sign the petition that I’ve drafted and placed after the jump. I’m don’t actually know how petitions work but I think you just have to comment on them and then your vote counts. Vote or die!

UP HOUSE PETITION

Dear Neighborhood/Government/Josh Bohrn,

Please let these people keep their house painted the way they want it to be painted. It’s their house, after all, and why don’t you just shut up about it? I understand that buying a house — the biggest thing that you will ever buy in your life, probably — that is little more than a prop from an animated movie is weird and misguided and creepy, but what’s it to you? Would you really rather look at earth-tones? Earth-tones are gross. You need to relax about them. Do you think that people will come to your neighborhood just to take pictures of the stupid Up house? If so, that’s a valid concern and I hadn’t thought about it until now. Maybe you have a point about that. If that is your argument, you should make it and then rest your case. If it is not, and you’ve already rested your case and settled on the earth-tones argument, then give me a break.

Signed,

Kelly

Ok, that should do it! So again, please sign and then I’ll send this off to Mr. Pixar and we can all move on with our lives. FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!

Comments (40)
  1. Someone bought a house in the Bay Area for $400,000? FAKE AND WAY (TOO CHEAP)!!!!

  2. Someone should get those people a copy of Pleasantville.

  3. where are the balloons? they were the best part!

  4. You have my paintbrush.

  5. This is some bullshit. Paint your house whatever color you damn well please. Stop harassing your neighbors because you don’t like the colors they used on their house! It is their house! I’m sure a homeowner’s association is behind this. Goddamn HOAs. They’re the WORST.

    • Oh, goddamnit. Now I’m all irrationally angry about HOAs again. I wish this office allowed potted plants, so I could kick one over right now.

    • I agree. But as a home owner, I have always felt that homes should be painted by the next door neighbors. I have to look out my window every day and look at my neighbors house that looks like a melting pile of Wendy’s frosty, but I often forget what color my house is, because I live in it and mostly just look away from it.

      I would be fine with my neighbors coming over and being like, “Hey, would you mind if I painted the west side of your house my favorite color, since I look at it every morning when I wake up?” and I could go, “Sure, let me just paint the east side of your house to look like a mural of 100 Acre Wood.” and we would both be happy.

    • Very true, BUT I will say that I leased a place on a beautiful, historic little street for a few years, where all of the houses were 100+ years old with red brick and gorgeous stained glass and wrap around porches. Some asshole bought a house right in the middle (it was only about 20 houses), took off the porch, took out the stained glass, and painted the brick cappucino brown. It was a fucking affront. I would have been solidly behind a HOA that refused to let him do that, it was like taking a cappucino shit in the middle of my heart.

      • I don’t understand people do things like that. Why would you by a historic home if you don’t actually like the historic elements of it? I get it when the place has fallen into disrepair, but it doesn’t sound like the case.

  6. Sometimes it’s fun to interject yourself into scenarios such as this.

    NEIGHBORS: We don’t like the color of your house. Paint it a color we like.
    ME: HAHAHAHAHAHA, what?! Go fuck yourself.

    • Now let me elaborate how that would REALLY play out:

      NEIGHBORS: We don’t like the color of your house. Paint it a color we like.
      YOU: HAHAHAHAHAHA, what?! Go fuck yourself.
      HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION: Here’s a $25 fine for having your house painted the way you want it.
      YOU: I’m not paying that, that’s stupid! I have to pay yearly dues to the HOA, just so you guys can tell me what I can and cannot do with my own property?
      HOA: Okay, now it’s $50.

  7. If they don’t like the neighborhood, why don’t they take like 10,000 balloons… and give them to their neighbors? Everyone likes balloons.

  8. “I wish there weren’t so many Colors in this neighbourhood!” Something Rick Perry probably thinks often.

  9. I wonder if the One Tree Hill House is jealous of all this coverage. “We depended on the internet and it’s letting us down!”

  10. I would refuse to live in a neighbourhood that dictated what colour your house had to be. Disgusting. I bet they are the type of people who send nasty letters if you don’t water your lawn in a drought, too.
    Has anyone else read the outstanding childrens’ book The Big Orange Splot? “My house is me and I am it. My house is where I like to be and it looks like all my dreams.”
    Fight the power, Up house owners!

    • The bad thing is, you’re probably not going to know until it’s too late. When you buy a house, there are HUNDREDS of papers to sign. Unless you read through every one, you’re not going to know all the HOA rules. The solution, of course, is to not buy a house that is governed by an HOA, which is my strategy going forward. But that severely limits your options.

      • I thought those were only in gated communities? Are they really common in the US? Are they legally binding? Hideous.

        • Yes and yes. And one of the first pieces of advice my realtor gave me was not to fight the HOA, because you can’t win. Not only that, you have to actually pay them yearly dues.

        • My parents ended up in an HOA neighborhood. You may choose any one of four regulation mailboxes. Your house must be earthtone but you can paint your front door almost ANY color! (Just one color, no stripes, smartass.) And you are not allowed to have a boat visible. People across the street parked a boat on its trailer in their driveway and it was going to be there for 12 days — that was the time between when their dock closed for the winter and their winter storage rental opened — and the HOA, which knew this, fined them and had it towed.

          It makes me want to stand in the street and yell about the End Times.

    • I know I’m late for the reply train to this comment, but I just read this and have to tell you that I have loved The Big Orange Splot since childhood and it has made me dislike planned communities that all look the same ever since!

  11. This house needs to find a place where it will be accepted for what it is, and that neighborhood is the one in Edward Scissorhands. AND BY THE WAY, No one in Edward Scissorhands ever sicked the HOA on Vincent Price’s crazy-ass, black gothic cathedral house and said, “EXcuse me, HMMM. YOUR house isn’t a color we all agreed upon. SNOOT. SNOOT. SNOOT. We’re SNOOTY.”

    In conclusion: Edward Scissorhands.

  12. What are people’s thoughts on HOAs?

    • THE WORST. And should probably be illegal, or at the very least have significant restraints imposed. I once got a fine for $25 from my HOA because my trashcan was visible from the street. I called the HOA, and told them that I was looking out the window, and every single house had their trashcans visible from the street. Their reply was that they sent out fines to over 150 houses. I asked if someone was going on vacation and needed some quick cash, because that is fucking stupid. HOAs are supposed to protect the interest of the homeowners, and if more than half the houses have trashcans visible from the street, then obviously that is how we prefer it. They didn’t make me pay, which is lucky, because I was all ready to take a picture of my trashcans, blow it up, and hang it in front of the trashcans, so that they wouldn’t be visible.

    • Ask facetaco.

    • Wow facetaco. Your anger is justified.

      Fun fact, my apartment building set up a HOA for a nominal, but complicated, purpose. We never meet and it doesn’t do anything. We drew straws because no one wanted to sit on the board, and guess who was ‘selected’ to be the president? (I’ll give you a hint: has two thumbs). Now that I understand that HOAs have actual power, as president, I declare that you, facetaco, can live in my building for free anytime you want and do whatever you please with your trash as long as you make one 90s rock-group-related pun every day for the duration of your stay.

  13. Too bad it isn’t a “Grow Up” house, amirite? Amirite?

    (Because the adults that bought it want to live in a fucking cartoon.)

  14. could we get a petition going to force them to adopt a little chubby boy scout? that way, we’re only a terminal illness and a talking dog away from making UP a reality.

  15. I agree that it’s pretty odd to want to design your house to match a movie for children, but it is really beautiful. It would fit right into my neighbourhood, actually; my neighbourhood is the shit.

  16. Paint the names of the original colors of the house, on the house, in brown. The way to win at life is to make people horribly regret ever asking you to do things.

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