Kelly: Hello Gabe
Gabe: Kelly
Kelly: What
Gabe: No, just like, formal. “Kelly.”
Kelly: Ohhh you didn’t use any punctuation so I had no idea’
Gabe: Kelly.
Kelly: Gabriel.
Kelly: How are you today what’s up
Gabe: not bad and nothing!
Gabe: how about you?
Kelly: I’m fine, I just heard some pretty good news, you wanna hear it?
Gabe: always
Gabe: i love pretty good news
Kelly: Great! Courtney Love has announced, in an interview with Details magazine, that she is going to be Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety sponsor.
Gabe: oh thank God

Gabe: good work everyone
Gabe: goodnight
Gabe: reset the work place accidents sign to zero
Gabe: and let’s go home
Kelly: All of what you’re saying is exactly right
Kelly: Courtney Love explains that she has gone through the same thing
Kelly: And that is why she will be/is a good coach.
Gabe: it’s weird that she even bothers explaining it
Gabe: i feel like you just hear
Gabe: “Courtney Love, sobriety coach”
Gabe: and you’re like, got it! stop talking!
Gabe: don’t wast my time with a bunch of stuff i already know
Kelly: Yeah well I think it’s like they had a full article to fill up with unnecessary explanations
Kelly: “Courtney Love, murderer of Kurt Cobain, is going to be the sobriety coach, coach of sobriety, to Lindsay Lohan, woman of interest, because she has been there in her life and that’s why she’ll be good at it.”
Kelly: Save and Print
Gabe: what is courtney love’s story about watching someone’s boobs on TV and that’s how she proved to Lindsay Lohan that drugs were bad?
Gabe: you’re a woman, can you explain that story to me?
Kelly: Well that seems kind of like a private thing and I can’t believe you would ask me on national internet
Kelly: But I think it was they were watching like the top 40 dumbest moments and half of them were courtney love showing her boobs and falling off of chairs

Kelly: And she said to Lindsay Lohan, as I remember it
Kelly: “Don’t do drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Gabe: oh ok
Kelly: And that’s what finally made Lindsay Lohan stop doing drugs
Gabe: i’ve heard she’s super against drugs now
Kelly: Oh yeah
Gabe: because of the countdown
Gabe: you would think that a hollywood celebrity
Gabe: caught up in the inner circle
Gabe: of hollywood celebrities who do drugs
Gabe: would have probably seen some kind of intense things
Kelly: You would think.
Gabe: but apparently a VH1 countdown of drunken fall downs
Gabe: is all the proof lindsay needed
Kelly: You would think that since she’s even already lived through some intense things herself
Kelly: That courtney love accidentally showing all the bruises on her legs wouldn’t have done it
Kelly: but that’s why you’re NOT a sobriety coach
Gabe: why does courtney STILL have bruises on her legs?
Gabe: from being TOO sober?
Kelly: Maybe that’s just what sobriety does to you? Once you’ve been sober for a long time you get your old bruises back?
Kelly: I’m not a doctor.

Gabe: wait, if we can go back to the tv story
Gabe: when courtney love says that she ‘went up to lindsay’s room’?
Kelly: hahaha
Gabe: what is THAT about?
Gabe: her room WHERE?
Kelly: UP.
Gabe: they live together?!
Kelly: Maybe Courtney Love moved into her home as part of the sobriety sponsorship
Kelly: the downstairs part
Kelly: Or maybe
Kelly: Courtney Love just has a room for Lindsay Lohan in her own house
Kelly: Just in case she ever needs to move in
Kelly: Clearly there is a lot more to this story
Gabe: courtney love probably just couch surfs
Gabe: because she’s a piece of shit
Gabe: hahahaahahah
Kelly: GOTCHA COURTNEY. You thought you were safe but he’s gotcha.
Gabe: this is one of those stories
Gabe: like most stories
Gabe: that raises so many more questions than it answers
Kelly: You’re exactly right
Kelly: I can’t even imagine how Courtney Love knows Lindsay Lohan unless it’s because they do drugs together
Kelly: In which case this is the perfect cover

Gabe: oh, i don’t have a problem with that part
Gabe: i feel like the first day you are famous
Gabe: you just go down a welcoming line
Gabe: shaking hands with courtney love and moby
Gabe: or whatever
Kelly: Yeah I guess you’re right
Gabe: i do feel like
Gabe: most stories involving courtney love
Gabe: are reported by courtney love
Gabe: with courtney love doing the fact-checking
Kelly: Yes
Kelly: This story does only state that Courtney Love claims to be Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety sponsor
Gabe: yes
Kelly: We don’t know for sure how the newly sober Lindsay Lohan has managed to get her life back on track
Kelly: Whether it be with the help of Courtney Love or not
Kelly: But
Kelly: I don’t know about you
Kelly: But the world where Courtney Love is Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety sponsor is the exact world that I want to live in
Gabe: good news
Gabe: YOU DO
Kelly: hahah
Gabe: i think the important thing to take away from all of this
Gabe: is just to say that we all genuinely hope
Gabe: that one day
Gabe: lindsay lohan can be more like courtney love?
Kelly: Yes. I do think we give Lindsay Lohan a pretty hard time
Kelly: But if anyone can follow Courtney Love’s path it is certainly her.
Gabe: it’s not going to be easy
Gabe: but i also have a feeling it wouldn’t be that hard

Comments (32)
  1. I say this as someone who, as an angsty teenage girl in the 90s, was a huge Hole fan, but oh brother.

  2. maybe it’s just that she really wants to, she really wants to….and we do to.

  3. Herbie the Courtney Love Bug Fully Loaded

  4. Have we confirmed it’s actually Courtney Love and not one of her power of attorney types that is speaking on her behalf?

  5. Did anyone hear about Lindsay and Courtney’s upcoming movie project together? It’s called “Clean Girls”.

  6. This just seems like a good premise for a madcap comedy caper film.

  7. I was looking for the most recent version of this (as I remember her granting people power of attorney over her many, many times) and came across this treasure trove of insane Courtney Love stories just from the past year.

    Note: may not be safe for work as the woman is insane and filthy and may be naked after the landing page… I did not look for myself.

  8. Great job kids. Really.

    As a recovering booze hound and drug addict (6 years clean and sober in a few weeks!), I can possibly see how being on a fucking VH1 countdown show would be a motivating factor to get sober.

    Extreme self-centeredness is one of the defining characteristics of all addicts. All of the collateral damage of destroyed careers, relationships, lost money, etc. isn’t enough to get people clean and sober.

    But do I believe that Courtney and Lindsay are clean and sober? Fuck no.

  9. Courtney: So do you want to do drugs now?
    Lindsay: Sorta. Yeah.
    Courtney: Ok, well then here’s another story about how Dave Grohl’s an asshole.
    Lindsay: I meant no! No, I don’t want to do drugs anymore.

  10. I don’t mean to be rude. Serious question here, I mean it is really serious, life or death situation like…not really but still Who uses AIM any more? is it cool to use a product that Facebook has deemed obsolete? Or do you just really like the color red kelly and blue gabe? I don’t mean to make such a fuss but really why don’t you just use Morse code.

  11. A slow clap for describing that scum as the killer of Kurt Cobain, because that is one of those things that would be completely unsurprising if it’s true. Terrible human being.

  12. Courtney’s sobriety advice to Lindsay: ‘Go on, take everything. Take everything that you wanna.”

  13. This Gabe and Kelly conversation is actually a Lindsay and Courtney conversation about Gabe and Kelly.

  14. This is like when my dad coached me in baseball.

  15. How funny conversation.this is like a dramatically film.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.