On the one hand, this game looks great. It’s got everything. Pizza. Puzzles. Bonus points. Manager reviews? And it’s not without precedent. I remember quite clearly that when I was a child in the late 1930s, Toys R Us sold a rubber disk that was supposed to be a make believe pizza dough that you could toss up into the air just like a real Papa John. So, this is basically just human nature, these pizza games. But also there IS something weird about a game that simulates a grueling, dehumanizing, Henry Ford-influenced assembly line minimum wage job. Right? That’s weird? We can all agree that it’s weird to try and beat the clock on the iPad while simultaneously watching the clock for your actual pizza to be made and getting so mad that it isn’t made already. And, like, how many hours would you have to work at a Domino’s making pizzas to earn enough money to buy an iPad? A million? A million hours before taxes? It’s literally one well known company logo away from an iPad app called Migrant Farmworker where you have to pick all the apples from the tree before INS comes over and asks to see your residency papers. I’m pretty sure this iPad app was the focus of the entire second volume of Karl Marx’s Das Kapital. “The worker is alienated from the product of his labor when it is turned into an iPad app for the exploiting class.” DOWNLOAD IT FROM ITUNES. (Via LaughingSquid.)

Comments (38)
  1. Why do you get points for popping the bubbles?!?!? Bubbles are an integral part of the pizza! Heathens! Swine!

  2. Don’t download it! You’ll get a Trojan Noid!

  3. Something tells me this digital pizza would actually taste better than a real Domino’s pizza.

  4. This is the most old man idea of “what the kids are into” ever.

    “Our brand needs an app.” – 1979 business school grads

  5. ordering by phone is for 20th century LOSERS!!!

  6. this app is about investing in the future. we should all buy this for our children to make sure that they have a competitive edge in pizzanomics 101 for their freshman year of college in 2030.

  7. all the fun of actually working at domino’s, none of the wages or employment! – domino’s solution to the economic crisis

  8. Don’t tell Gabe about Paperboy or Burgertime… He’ll lose his fucking mind.

  9. You know, this makes me think: Why have I never searched for “pizza app” before? A rare miss, me.

  10. Briadru4 and I have been known to occasionally order pizza from domino’s despite the presence of clearly superior pizza places just because they allow us to order the pizza with zero human contact.

    i have absolutely no shame in this.

    • Big Domino’s supporter myself…. #thereisaidit. The new bold robust sauce is awesome on the thin crust. Also, those lava cakes… THOSE LAVA CAKES! (My opinion is 100% based on ordering and eating said domino’s at 3:00 am on a Saturday morning Hasselhoff style).

    • hahahahaha. my favourite videogum comment OF THE YEAR. I’m not entirely sure why, but that was bloody hilarious.

  11. your dad who loves Domino’s loves it. he thinks it’s the coolest thing that he can order it from his iPad and watch it as it progresses through the line. “My pizza is baking” he says. 10 minutes later he follows up with “Hey! It’s ‘En Route’ I better get my wallet ready.” Then he tells you all of the other things he can do with the app, like “give words of encouragement to the people making it, while they’re making it.” He smiles the whole time. Then for the 12 minutes between when you start eating it and when painful cramps commence, he talks about how great technology is, asks if you have tried out the Kindle Fire and how it compares to his iPad while you wonder why you even bother coming home for the entire thanksgiving weekend. TRUST ME.

    • dad seems pretty cool.

    • I came home one night to find that my husband and son using this app to offer “words of encouragement” to the Dominos workers (“stay in school”). They had ordered some pizza that included every kind of meat offered. Able to eat only one piece, they spent the rest of the night fighting over the heating pad. The pizza was revolting.

  12. Oh Karl Marx. Please don’t ever stop being the butt of jokes.

  13. What’s Karl Marx’s favourite pick up line? “You’re giving me an uprising in my lower class.”

      • I like that you even thought of this, and then put in the effort to execute this.

        • Ha, I made it and waited for some comment that it would make sense to respond to but none did. Then I went to lunch, got back, and thought “eh, I went through the trouble of making it, I’ll just throw it here.”

          • Boo! I *earned* that manager review!

          • My manager reviews are always really sullen… I come in stoned, I make all the pizza vegetarian and put in propaganda about factory farms to anyone who orders meat, I take extensive bathroom breaks, I refuse to wear a hair net, I spend most of my time posting weird jokes on a blog, I tell the manager to go fuck himself on an hourly basis… and I’m very impressed that it called me out on picking up smoking so I could get the hell out of the kitchen every 15 minutes.

            What I’m saying is, it’s a very realistic app that absolutely simulates what would happen if I worked at Domino’s.

  14. I hope they know I’m not going to tip anyone now that I have to make the pizza myself.

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