On Sunday, December 4, TLC is going to be airing a special titled Virgin Diaries, which will follow the lives of six adult virgins. Now please be quiet and tell me nothing more about it because I’m ALREADY VERY MUCH SOLD! That simple premise is certainly good enough to sell an entire series, I’m not sure why it’s just a one-off special. Virgins? Dealing with not ever having had sex in their entire lives? Please round up the robots to deliver me my meals for the entire next week, I’ll be on the couch waiting, just like the virgins are waiting to have sex: impatiently. (Honestly I am probably at least going to DVR this special.) If this premise is somehow not enough to draw you in, maybe you’d like to take a look at the promo, featuring two adult virgins getting married and kissing each other for the first time? Just to whet your appetite? What if I promised you that it was the best thing you’d ever see in your entire life? And that it was less kissing and, I don’t want to ruin it for you, but something more like what it looks like when a baby bird is getting fed except with a bald guy and a too-cute girl? Yes! Great! I’M SO EXCITED FOR YOU TO WATCH THIS!

Ahahahahahahhahahahahahahhhahhaha. I almost feel foolish for thinking that this is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen because how can it even be real?! THE SECOND KISS? At least that second kiss has to be a prank. Like the time that couple pranked Jerry Springer on MTV’s Spring Break, I bet. Or maybe the producers showed them a video of “how to kiss” beforehand and then had them practice for hours on a really out of control robot and now it’s just muscle memory? Listen, we can debunk this clip for as long as we like, but the fact remains that it’s the best kiss any of us will see in our entire lives. Even better than this one. Congratulations to the happy couple. I love you both. “Mazel.” – Andy Cohen (Thanks for the tip, Nick!)

Comments (35)
  1. the poor bride didnt even make it through the honeymoon…

  2. This HAS to be fake. I’ve seen that Kim Kardashian wedding special hunderds of times on E, and she didn’t kiss anything like this, despite being a virgin when she got married.

  3. I seem to recall this is how I kissed during a wicked game of “Truth or Dare” in the 9th grade.

  4. I’m 12 years old and I don’t know how to kiss, is this how you do it correctly?

  5. Weird, I thought that “virgin” just meant that you’ve never gotten squishy with someone. I didn’t realize it involved getting married with absolutely NO form of physical contact, except perhaps a little hand-holding. Come on, reality TV, you’re not even trying anymore!

  6. Good kissing guys!

  7. I don’t get it. It looks normal.

  8. Someone should warn her that something bad is about to happen “downtown.”

  9. I NOM pronounce you man and wife.

  10. Oh. My. Goodness. Can you imagine how effed up the first *everything else* is going to be?

  11. I didn’t have my first kiss until I was in college (hey fellas) and afterwards, the asshole who I attempted it with went around telling everyone that I was unbelievably bad at kissing. Watching this- I think that the happy couple’s technique is exactly the one I chose. I had never been able to visualize exactly WHAT I could have done to deserve being outed as the shittiest kisser, but my stomach sank the second their lips touched. And I knew.

  12. I can’t wait until TLC shows us the video of them having sex for the first time. That’s going to be in the full special, right? It’s going to be so hilarious. I think she’s going to thrash around everywhere (maybe break a lamp?) and he is definitely going to cry.

  13. My favourite guy is the father, shown doubled over laughing at this son/daughter’s terrible kissing technique. He is invited to my wedding, as he seems cool.

  14. Even the Duggar child did a better job than that.

    Dammit, now I just admitted to watching The Duggars.

    • My favorite part of their courtship was that they ALWAYS held hands when they were together. When they went out to eat, they would still hold hands. They just used their free hand to shovel the food in (they had to shovel, because you can’t use a fork and a knife if you only have one free hand).

  15. Wow. TV must now be officially out of ideas. This has to be the last, bottom of the barrel, desperate attempt at entertainment.

  16. Remember when the eldest Duggar got married? And Jim Bob gave the son The Talk? “It’s kinda like legos,” remember that line? NO? Because i think this is exactly what the show will be like:
    Anyway I’m happy that another show has come out to make the rest of us feel normal.

  17. We watch other networks because we see ourselves in their characters.

    We watch TLC because we’re totally not this awkward, right? Right? Like, look at these losers over here, am I right?

  18. How did these people even meet? Is there a match.com for people who’ve never kissed? If not, how did this come up during dating?

    GUY: So I’m 27 and I’ve never kissed anyone, and I have no intention of breaking that streak.
    GIRL: Perfect. Let’s get married. Then it won’t count.

  19. I think what happened here is that they kissed and she was going for a standard kiss, but the dude was going full on french, but as soon as they started they both realized what the other was doing and tried to switch, but after they had both switched to the opposite kiss technique they realized that the other person was doing what they had really wanted to do in the first place, so they got really excited and switched back quick, and then they switched again and got trapped in a never ending loop, like coworkers trying to pass each other in a narrow hallway.

  20. Obligatory “God, even THESE PEOPLE are getting married :( ” comment.


    • But wouldn’t you rather be single than marry one of them? I mean that’s basically who is left. At least until the divorces start…


  21. The parents really have the gall to look embarrassed at the end??? As if they didn’t raise these kids to be sex-fearing, face-gnawing, kiss demons?

    This should be shown to all conservative parents. There’s nothing pure or beautiful about this. It’s actually more off putting than (what I hear it’s like to watch) really niche porn.

  22. For a second, I thought that was Julie Taylor.

  23. When I was three and all I ever watched was Sesame Street (my choice) and soap operas (mom’s choice), this is EXACTLY what I thought kissing was like.

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