Everyone is having a real grumpy breakfast. Seriously, what’s up, guys? Everyone OK? Shane is eating his eggs like they insulted him on his Facebook wall. Andrea’s sharpening a knife. Rick is staring into the middle distance. Only Carl seems like he isn’t about to burst into tears, which would be a first for Carl. Glen sees Maggie standing on the farmhouse porch and she shakes her head. No, Glen! Her head says. Wait, did she really come out on the porch just to shake her head at Glen? From a million miles away? And hope that he is not too distracted by everyone’s pouting to get her message? I also just noticed that no one on this show wears glasses. Congrats on your impeccable eyesight, team! Glen looks at Dale who nods his head. Yes, Glen! His head says. What will Glen do?! Whose silent head messages will he listen to?! Glen stands up and walks 10 feet towards the tent to make his announcement, even though he could easily have made his announcement from where he was sitting. Look, it’s a Zombie Apocalypse. You never know where you’re going to make your announcement until you’re confronted with the real thing. “Listen up, queers!” Glen shouts, which is a weird way to start the announcement but I think he’s just nervous. “So…the barn is full of walkers.” And then for real no joke, THERE IS A DRAMATIC SOUND EFFECT LIKE DUNH-DUNH-DUNH! Oh brother. How exciting is it that the other characters just learned something that we’ve known for two weeks? So exciting? The most exciting? It’s almost crazy how tense and thrilling and exciting it is to see them all find out this thing we’ve known forever. It’s called drama and it’s an Academy Award.

Everyone heads over to the barn where the walkers immediately start pounding and scratching at the door and now everyone is like, “It is admittedly a little weird that we didn’t notice this before! What with the smell and the noise and the multiple padlocks and the secrecy!” Shane and Grimes immediately get into an argument, Shane and Grimes style, over whether or not they are allowed to just shoot all the walkers. Shane says this isn’t safe. Grimes says he’ll talk to Herschel. It is funny knowing that Herschel thinks zombies are just sick people in need of a cure when they show one of the zombies in the barn who has no face to speak of. Like, what is the cure for that? Even if you got their brain working normal again, their face is kind of a rotting open wound. Even your horse scissors and porcupine aspirin won’t fix that, Herschel. It’s also funny considering how secretive everyone in the farmhouse has been about the barn that none of them notice the 10-person screaming match happening at the barn about the barn. Sophia’s mom says they can’t just leave because her daughter is still out there. Shane gets real angry about this and so do I. Then he uses it to make some kind of weird back-handed insult to Daryl about what a piece of white trash he is. Now Daryl is mad. Everyone is mad. The zombies are mad. The zombies start banging on the barn door harder than ever and the camera swoops in on our Superteam of Wonderpals. Uh oh! Are the zombies going to escape right this second and eat everyone’s dicks off? What happens next? Cut to intro theme?! Oh no what next?!

When we come back from the intro theme, everyone has gone about their business and the barn is fine. Oh, OK. False alarm. What with all of the shrieking and the banging and the camera swooping in I thought something was going to actually happen but apparently nothing happened? At all? I would have liked to have seen the scene following the one we just watched where it really seemed like a make-or-break decision moment for the group and then someone, T-Dog probably, was just like “Well, let’s just drop it for now for no reason,” and Shane was like “FUCK ALL OF YOU BUT FINE I’LL DROP IT.” Whatever. Shane looks at the barn by himself. Yup, still full of zombies. And that’s the end of this new scene. Guys, are we all on the same page? Is the barn full of zombies? They’re spending a lot of time on this and it would be a shame if some of us still weren’t clear on whether or not the barn was full of zombies so just to sort of get us all up to speed: the barn is full of zombies. Glen tries to talk to Maggie, but she is pissed. She makes him give her his hat and then she puts an egg in it and slaps it down on his head and throws out some terrible line about rotten eggs. They’re a regular Hepburn and Tracy, these two. So funny. Love their banter and their slapstick routines. Give them a spinoff show, please, just kidding, don’t, Oh god, no.

Lori is homeschooling Carl. Haha. Why? That is literally a waste of a pencil. You could use that pencil to stab a zombie in the face! They’re doing math equations? For what?! She didn’t want him to learn how to shoot a gun, but she definitely thinks he needs to know how to multiply fractions? Get real, Lori. The world is changed, you can feel it in the water. From that one well that has fat zombie guts in it. Carl doesn’t like that Shane wants to leave. “He’s just scared,” Lori says. “Because of the zombies in the barn?” Carl asks. See?! Carl doesn’t need homeschooling, he’s already a GENIUS. Carl says that he’s not leaving until they find Sophia. Lori explains to Carl that this isn’t his decision to make and that he is still just a child, and that things are hard and complicated enough as it is without him making bold and completely unwarranted declarations of intent. Totally JK! Lori accepts his behavior and tells him they aren’t leaving even though as far as everyone knows they are definitely leaving. How is she going to be his teacher when she is not even very good at being his mother?!

Daryl is going to saddle up a horse and go looking for Sophia. Sophia’s mom tells him that he can’t go because he’s still recovering from his gunshot and arrowshot wounds. She says they don’t know if they’re even going to find her, and she can’t lose Daryl too. In response, Daryl…makes an angry face…and then shoves the saddle into the dirt…and then clutches his side…and then yells “Leave me be!” Hahahhaha. Good one, Daryl. Show that saddle who is boss. Hey, speaking of bosses, what ever happened to your fever-dream-brother? He sure seems to have disappeared. Oh well, never mind. I’m sure if the writers don’t think it’s important to be consistent and tie up their loose ends, neither should we.

Outside the RV, Glen asks Dale if he has an extra hat, and Dale says no and throws him his hat. Ew. And Glen puts it on! What?! If Dale threw me his sweat-stained Old Man Zombie Stink Hat I would light it on fire and chop off whichever fingers hand touched it. Inside the RV, Dale confronts Andrea about raw-dogging Shane in the brand new Honda Fit. And also something to do with guns. And the barn. And Grimes talking to Herschel. But mostly Shane. “He’s not a victim,” Andrea says. Well, yes he is. Everyone’s a victim at this point. He just has different coping mechanisms. Mostly scowl-face coping mechanisms. And raw-dogging everyone coping mechanisms. Anyway, Andrea gets annoyed because she is Andrea, and Dale gets an idea. He asks Glen to go get him some water. And Glen agrees! What is even going on here anymore? Get me some water? Fuck you, Dale! GET YOUR OWN WATER, YOU DUMB OLD BITCH! Obviously, this is just a diversion so that Dale can pull off the Heist of the Century with the bag of guns (which, for all of Herschel’s concern about carrying guns around the farm is still just lying out on the dining room table of the RV so I’m not even sure what the distinction is between carrying and not carrying guns since all the guns are right there for the taking whenever anyone wants anyways, so all the fuss is a bit much) which it turns out is just to walk into the woods with the guns and nail them to a tree. Later, when Shane finds out that the guns are missing and that Dale sent Glen to get him some water, he doesn’t even ask Glen why the fuck Dale couldn’t get his own water, he just says that it was a diversion so that Glen wouldn’t see which way he went with the guns so that Shane couldn’t find him, but then two seconds later he does find him? So what even is all of this?

Grimes confronts Herschel, who is in the middle of eating his lunch of stewed peaches and sweet plum wine. Seriously, what is even going on with Herschel’s lunch?

“I find that the peaches and wine help the Bible go down.” Grimes says he knows about the barn and he wants to talk about it. Herschel doesn’t want to talk about it. And now he wants Grimes and his people gone by the end of the week. (Glad to see we are still measuring time out in weeks. Seems important and useful just kidding.) It’s not really clear what Grimes’s play is here. He keeps saying he just wants to talk about it, but it’s like, what’s in it for Herschel? He doesn’t want to talk about it. And now he’s not even hungry for the rest of his peaches. Grimes tells Herschel that if he knew what it was like out there he wouldn’t be doing this to them. Cool. Almost positive that they’ve already had this exact same discussion this season. And by almost I mean completely. The nice part is that no one raises any new points. Good work, guys. You’re definitely going to make it to the regional debate team finals this semester.

Shane and Grimes have another argument. This show should just be called The Walking Argument. Grimes tells Shane that they can’t leave because Lori’s pregnant. Shane makes the “I’m a TV character finding out that I might be having a baby” face.

He tells Lori that he’s very excited about being a father. Now they have an argument. Shane says that Rick isn’t made for Zombie World like Shane is and that Rick is going to get everyone killed while Shane is going to save everyone’s life. What a charmer. Lori tells him that the baby is Grimes’s and even if it is Shane’s it is still Grimes’s. He says it doesn’t matter what she says and walks away. Now THAT is how you win an argument.

Take notes, everyone else on this show who is constantly three seconds away from their next argument. Carl tells Shane that he thinks it’s bullshit that Shane wants to leave before they find Sophia. Will no one spank Carl? Shane says he doesn’t want to hear him talk like that anymore but also agrees that they’ll stay until they find Sophia. Why is everyone indulging Carl’s bossy new attitude? It’s the fucking hat. He’s getting all of his power from the hat! But staying, Shane says, means doing whatever they gotta do to make that happen. “Like helping with the chores?” Carl asks. No, Carl. Not like helping with the chores. I mean, sure, but you were already helping with the chores. At no point has anyone said “I think the problem here is that no one is helping with the chores.”

All of this talk about helping with the chores has reminded Shane that he needs a bag full of guns. He goes to the RV and it’s nowhere to be found because Dale secretly took the bag into the woods to hang it on a nail from a tree. And Dale would have gotten away with it, too, if only Shane didn’t simply walk out into the woods and find him right away. They have a confrontation. Dale points a rifle at Shane and threatens to kill him. Shane don’t care. HE IS A SEX VOLCANO!

Dale gives up the guns but not without telling Shane that he was made for this nightmare world. Easy does it, Dale. For one thing, Shane has a bag of guns now, so maybe we turn it down on the insult-o-meter. Second of all, if Shane IS made for this world, surely someone telling him that he’s made for this world isn’t going to HURT HIS FEELINGS. Dale asks if he really thinks the bag of guns is going to keep them safe, and Shane says yes, because the answer to that question is YES. I mean, look, we can all have different opinions about the barn full of zombies and Herschel and God and the Bible and some of us can raw-dog Andrea in the new Hoda Fit while the rest of us “help with the chores,” but at the end of the day a bag of guns IS useful during a Zombie Apocalypse and Shane recognizing that is not what makes Shane a lunatic.

Meanwhile, in another part of the woods, Herschel has taken Grimes to help him lasso a couple of Swamp Zombies who got stuck in quicksand or something. He tells their life stories. “You see that one? It’s got overalls on, so we have to save it, you see.” Powerful stuff. Herschel explains that if Grimes wants to stay, he is going to need to respect Herschel’s desire to lasso all the Swamp Zombies and turn them into Barn Zombies.

Daryl and Sophia’s mom make up. It’s a total snooze. Glen and Maggie make up. It’s a total snooze.

Shane returns from the woods and starts giving everyone guns like he’s Zombie Oprah. YOU’RE GETTING A GUN! AND YOU’RE GETTING A GUN! EVERYONE GETS A GUUUUUUNNNNNNN! It is impressive, considering how often everyone turns everything into a long-winded debate, how silent everyone goes about getting guns. They don’t even bother saying thank you because it’s implied. Shane gives Carl a gun. Hahahaha. Lori tells Shane that Grimes said no guns and this isn’t his decision to make. Uh, Lori? Everyone’s got a gun now, Lori. And there are no rules. Go upstairs and see if Herschel has a copy of Lord of the Flies that you can read. Shane has the conch. T-Dog goes “oh shit” and everyone sees Grimes and Herschel walking out of the woods with lassoed zombies. T-Dog IS The Noticer.

“I notice stuff. I am The Noticer.”

Shane is so pissed. He starts screaming and stuff. Herschel is like “why does everyone have guns? Does fucking CARL have a gun?!” Keep up, Herschel. The game done changed. Grimes begs Shane not to do this. “This.” Don’t do “this.” Why do people always say that on this show? It’s very confusing. Use your words, guys. This is a meaningless placeholder word. Shane shoots Old Mrs. Peanut in the chest and asks Herschel if a sick person would just keep walking after being shot in the heart and lungs.

Shane makes a pretty good point, doctor. I looked it up on WebMD and it says “good point, Shane.” Then he shoots the lady zombie in the head. Herschel drops to his knees. Uh oh. Shane is on a tear now. He keeps shouting “ENOUGH” and I am out of my seat. Everyone listen to Shane! He’s right! ENOUGH! The show is canceled the end. Oh, Shane is talking about the barn full of zombies. He says that they have to fight to survive, starting right now, and then he hacks open the barn door. Oh brother. There’s got to be an easier way to deal with this situation, Shane. “Occam’s Razor suggests that the easiest way to deal with the tensions on this farm is to hack open the barn doors and have a team of half-trained nincompoops open fire on a mob of zombies including the wife and children of the farm’s owner right in front of everyone’s eyes. Thank you, Occam.” The zombies come pouring out and EVERYONE starts shooting them.

Except Carl. Pussy.

All of the zombies are dead. The barn is safe, or something.

Herschel is crushed. Everyone is sad. Oh wait! There is still a zombie left! You can hear it gurgling and shuffling and doing zombie stuff. It emerges into the light and actually makes a face like the sun is too bright. Ha! Wait, is that a thing? Do zombies’s eyes need to adjust? That doesn’t seem like it should be a thing. But there is no time to consult a Zombie Scientist about this eye thing because we are all so overwhelmed by the fact that the last zombie is SOPHIA!

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA. FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! No one can believe that Sophia is a zombie, which hardly seems like the issue right now. The issue is that Herschel and his family have known that these guys were looking for a missing little girl the entire time that they’ve been on the farm, and not once did any of them say, “Hey, uh, so this is kind of awkward, but we, like, uh, found a little girl zombie two days after you got here looking for a little girl. It’s probably just a coinky-dink, but thought you might want to know. Her name is Zombie Sophia.” Grimes moves through the crowd of not-so-sharp shooters and blasts Sophia in the face.

Thank god. Put this plotline out of its misery. (This moment would be way more tense and dramatic if the very first thing Grimes did after he got out of the hospital in the first five minutes of the very first episode was SHOOT A LITTLE GIRL ZOMBIE IN THE FACE. Been there. Done that. Hate Shophia’s t-shirt.) And that is the end of that. Just to recap what happened on this season of The Walking Dead: A little girl went missing. They found a farm. Glen got it wet. The end. This show is coming back in February? TOO SOON!

Comments (153)
  1. Sorry, but the reveal BLEW MY MIND! Did not see zombie sophia coming, maybe because I’m a little dense, but whatever. The season has been redeemed.

  2. Um, How is a fever dream’s hallucination not happening again not tying up a loose end. What’s Darryl going to say “Oh, hey, remember when I almost died, I saw my brother in a fever dream.” And everyone else would say “Oh, okay, are you better now” and he would say “yes.”

    • I think Daryl’s brother is hanging out with Tall Ghost Walt from LOST an an endless fever dream of season 1 characters.

    • exactly. as lame as this show is, this recap was awfully nit picky.

      says the blog commentator, never mind, I’m the hypocrite now dawg

    • I thought the loose end was that he escaped the rooftop and took their truck, but hasn’t been seen since. Oh well, he probably just went on vacation or something. I hear the beach is nice this time of year…

      • he probably built a time machine, went back to 1960s new orleans and joined the DA’s office so he can grumble at Kevin Costner, “Are you accusing the federal government…. OF MURDAAAAH!?”

  3. I just need a small break from all the faces on this show. Ugly-ass Carl kid, guppy-face Andrea, Daryl always looking like he smelled something that no one else can smell. Too many faces. And terrible plot holes.

    • Yeah, with you there. Shane’s constant head swiveling moves are making my eyes burn. For him, “acting” = shifting your head back and forth while making a point.

    • I keep hoping Andrea will rip her face off and show that she is really a V. Every time I see her I think there is a lizard in that head.

  4. Alex Vermitsky  |   Posted on Nov 28th, 2011 +6

    I would say this show jumped the shark, but the shark died from lack of movement.

  5. it’s weird how i watch this show knowing how absolutely horrible it is but then i get 10 minutes at the end that are so fucking metal i will jump right back in next time around.

    it’s a lot like reality tv except the complete opposite.

    • It’s true. My boyfriend, our friend, and I were all yelling at the TV being all “NO YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE AN AMAZING 15 MINUTES! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO STAY THE WORST SHOW FOREVER.”

      • that is a lot of copy to yell in unison. how’d you pull off that little number, guy?

      • But can we acknowledge that it wasn’t, in fact, amazing? That it was gratuitous? That after the intitial joy of seeing 2-3 zombies shot in the head faded, spending the next 20 minutes watching zombies get killed in the exact same fashion wasn’t really that fun to watch? And that an emotional climax consisting of something most people knew already and a call-back to last season was kinda underwhelming? Can we acknowledge that, too?

        • i mean, i don’t know why you watch a show about zombies but that gratuitousness is kinda what i came for, so i left pretty satisfied. like i just had a snickers.

        • Can we acknowledge that 20 minutes of watching zombies get killed in the exact same fashion WOULD DEFINITELY be over-the-top gratuitous, but that the scene in the show was not 20 minutes long, and was more like a minute and a half to two minutes?

          (also, I realize I’ve responded to two of your comments with semi-snarky answers, Tom Sproat, and for that, I am sorry. Please know it’s in good fun)

        • wasn’t it meant to be gratuitous? Hershel was talking (in the swamp) about how Grimes’ group has done a lot of bad things but can yet be redeemed (in the bed) and then they flat out massacre a group of his dead loved ones and neighbors right in front of his face. I kind of wanted Hershel to snap and kill Shane right then and there. just dead.

          They might be soulless monsters, but i find myself feeling worse for the zombies than our rag tag band of assholes.

        • I thought it was awesome that the zombies were mirrored by the gang themselves, what with the whole “blindly following Shane’s lead and killing zombies willy nilly until Grimes himself gives in and kills Zombie Sophia of the bitchin’ kid haircut” thing.

      • Shorter areyoucereal: “I have a boyfriend, and a friend.”

    • is “so fucking metal” a thing now? not making fun for serious for serious, I just have no idea what that means.

  6. Herschel has serious respiratory problems; he sounded like Tony Soprano when he was eating his peaches and drinking his wine.

  7. So many people were surprised by Sophia in the barn! SO MANY. You guys, let me share with you my simple formula for predicting Sophia in the Barn: Think of the worst, most contrived way to end this insufferable subplot that could still be considered a “twist.” BAM, Zombie Sophia in the Barn. I am pretty sure this prediction strategy will work for every aspect of this fucking show.

    • Did someone accidentally downvote this because what is wrong with you if you did it on purpose? I always wonder about these immediate downvotes sometimes. What are you doing, downvote goblin?

    • Ya, it was pretty obvious I thought? I mean, considering the three options-she’s alive who cares, she’s dead who cares and she’s a zombie who cares-and in light of the farmhouse zombie good times party place, how could Sophie NOT have been in the barn?

    • I was surprised at how many people were surprised.

      • I was surprised to find that none of you were surprised by the surprise.

        I was kind of surprised.

        I could be wrong but I thought a few episodes ago Maggie had mentioned to Glen something like “you may call them walkers but to us they are Mom, and Uncle Whoeever, and Joe whatever from down the street…”

        Maybe I was so bored with the Sophia thing that I thought Maggie’s Mom was going to walk out or something and Maggie and Herschel would be crying and Shane would carelessly and monstrously shoot her in the head in front of them.

        …obviously I don’t write TV

        • I was waiting for that moment too! I was wondering which of them was Herschel’s wife. It would have been a rather dramatic moment to maybe show Herschel and Maggie crying out when Shane plants one (bullet this time) into the zombie mom’s forehead, but they pretty much rushed through it to get to zombie Sophia.

          For a show that plods along at times, they actually rushed over that!

          • A lot of them had their faces rotted off. I bet Hershel didn’t know which one was his wife and was feeling really silly and hoped no one would notice.

        • haha that is what I thought as well :)

    • I think it was just surprising because it makes no sense that Herschel or his daughter wouldn’t let them know there was a little girl in the barn.

    • I honestly didn’t think this show had the balls to even give us that lame arse reveal. I did bust out laughing but at least we don’t have to deal with the whole “Sophia is out there, I’m not leaving without Sophia!” bullshenanigans.

  8. Thing is is that Shane was right the ENTIRE time about how let’s just kill the zombies in the barn, just like every audience member of this dumb show is constantly like “kill the barn zombies you idiots. they are not people this is obvious I don’t care whose farm it is, don’t be so dense.” Shane is all of us, we are Shane. Which means I’m a sex volcano which means I’m already having my wardrobe updated (UPGRADED) to be pressed with a hot sex volcano logo (TBD).

  9. Man, I have so many Zombie questions that have been building up. First, why do zombies need to eat? What will happen if they don’t. Will they become MORE dead? I mean, I get why they WANT to eat, but why do they need to keep them fed? Also, they make it look like zombies just go to town on actual living people when they catch them. If that’s the case, why is a presumed victim of a zombie attack like Sophia not just all bones? Do they immediately stop eating after the first bite? Maybe she died some other way and just became a zombie automatically. I can deal with certain implausibilities in entertainment programming, but the lack of internal consistency is really starting to get to me, you guys.

    • Realism is very important – blog commentators

    • These are the important questions of our times. Do zombies stop rotting? They seem to be kind of rotty. If they keep rotting, can’t you just wait till they rot all the way to skeletons, and then they stop being able to move? In Hotlanta, it would only take a couple of weeks, right?

      • Zombies do rot, but I think it takes a lot longer, as they’re still active and involved in the community. So you could try and wait it out, which I think is what everyone on this show is trying to do anyway, right?

    • @The Aura of the H-Man

      Why do zombies eat? Because they’re compelled to. If they don’t eat nothing happens. They don’t become more dead. You don’t need to keep a zombie fed. Herschel and his family not knowing this fact is why they felt compelled to feed them live, broke-legged chickens. Zombies do go to town on living people. The people that are devoured do not become zombies, as they have been devoured. People who become zombies have usually been bitten and then escape only to succumb to their bites quickly afterwards, or have only been eaten a bit, probably by just one or two zombies, and are still mobile (OR not, I’m sure there are plenty of zombies lying around like that bike girl from S01). Sophia was not all bones because it looks like she got it in the neck and probably ran away, hid and died.

      • Kajus X, you know a lot about zombies! Here’s another one: do zombies have an instict for self preservation? If you stood near the bottom of a cliff, say, and called to them, would they just march off the cliff? Seems like with a little fencing, you could corral them and get them to fall into a big pit or something. Or like onto a giant zombie glue trap.

        • Yeah, I went to what was basically a comic book art school, and I also am a reader of the Walking Dead and am a nerd and have heard people argue the “rules” of Romero’s version and how Russo’s “BRAINS!” version doesn’t make sense but is still an iconic staple of zombie culture (because if zombies only eat brains then how does the zombie disease spread to get more zombies DERP?!) but “BRAINS!” is just fun to say. SIGH. sigh sigh sigh However, I actually have only ever seen Night of the Living Dead and Romero’s Dawn of the Dead once each, and only parts of Day Of…, and I am not a big zombie movie guy. It just comes with the culture and it takes up room in my brain. I know people from school who have read the Zombie Survival Guide multiple times, swear by it and wish zombies were real just so they could exercise all they have learned and absorbed.

          As far as the self-preservation thing: I honestly don’t know. Zombies don’t really jump, and tend to stick to walking/lumbering/crawling. They can’t really jump around and up things or hurdle or whatnot (freshly undead zombies are a bit more able-bodied, but even still…). So I would say if a zombie was above you and wanted to get to you, maybe it’d be a 50/50 chance that its once-human, dead & dulled instincts would dictate it start working it’s way down to you with its feet on the ground, and the other chance is it would just misstep immediately and come crashing down and splatting on the ground (not necessarily killing it of course, unless it’s brain is squished).

          I think anyway you slice it, a zombie trying to work its way down a rocky cliff/hill would end up falling down and tumbling head over heels a lot.

          Getting zombies to fall into a trap of some sort is definitely an option, just as long as the trap is taller than a zombie crowd clumsily falling on top of each other, dog-pile-style, then whichever zombies remaining standing could conceivably walk on top of the pile and get up and out.

          And now I regret typing all this up, because I don’t consider myself a huge zombie guy and maybe just gave myself that reputation. Brains…

      • So zombies find live person = eat eat eat

        Zombies stumble through traffic jam where there are dozens of dead people in their cars = not hungry?

        It’s only considered food to them if it’s live?


        *totally unsurprising

        • plywood, knowing that zombies eat the living and not the dead is the second thing everyone knows about zombies (the first thing is that zombies are the dead risen to roam the earth). It’s not surprising because it’s part of the premise!

          I am still befuddled by the traffic jam corpses, though. They don’t make sense according to the comic’s rules, which are the only rules I’m clear on, wherein no matter if you are bit or not, upon death you become undead (as long as the brain is intact).

          I’m still not clear on what was said in the CDC, but I think the show is operating under the contraction-thru-being-bite rule, which may or may not get turned on their head as the series progresses, and would explain why the dead people in cars were not zombies, but still doesn’t explain how all those people just died on a highway (unless they were gassed by the military or something else just as far-fetched).

          • Grammar and spelling correction:

            I’m still not clear on what was said in the CDC, but I think the show is operating under the contraction-thru-being-BIT rule, which may or may not get turned on ITS head as the series progresses…

          • I would bet on them locking themselves in their cars to avoid the zombies and dying of dehydration. However, you’re right in that if they are following the comics rules then they would still become zombies. So depending on my mood I chalk it up to bad plot hole or the sun baked them to the point where the brain was cooked to destruction.

    • It looked like Sophia was bitten on the neck/shoulder. It’s possible she got bit and escaped, only to die from zombie virus while hiding in a closet somewhere.

  10. Shane = Hot Sex Volcano = ahahahahahaha

  11. I see shooting up Herschel’s family right in front of him as a sort of immersion therapy. “If your fear is that your family is dead, the way to get over this is to witness them brutally gunned down.”

    I am sure it was a hard day but in the end Herschel will remark, “I am cured. Thank you all.”

    • Well, it’s no room full of kittens but I see where you’re going.

    • Tough love. Herschel was in denial about the walkers just like Team Grimes was in denial about Sophia. Hope is the thing with feathers chunks of rotting flesh falling off its face so shoot it in the head.

      • The only problem with that theory (which I think is correct, by the way) is that it means Shane is the only sane one.
        Are we okay with that? I might actually be ok with that. Is that wrong?

  12. I love the difference in levels of compassion and sympathy granted to individuals who just found out a loved one has been turned into a zombie. Last season, Andrea got two fucking episodes to coddle her dead sister to the best of Phil Collins before putting a cap in her ass. This year? “SORRY SOPHIA’S MOM, BUT I NEED TO REASSERT MY DOMINANCE OVER THE GROUP AND SHOW THAT I AM, IN FACT, BUILT FOR THIS WORLD”-Shane. Hahaha her mom was given, what, 20 seconds of grieving before Shane put a bullet in her head.

  13. “Those people in there are not called ‘walkers’. We call them Gramps and Aunt Bettie. My son-in-law is in there and also that girl with a rainbow t-shirt who I’m sure is not named Sophia. That is to say I’m sure she’s not that little girl you’re all looking for because she’s mine now and I found her first.” – Herschel

  14. These characters have the worst names.

  15. can this show get any lamer? i liked the first season, but this season moves soo0ooOo0o slow i’ve just stopped watching it.

  16. Nothing puts me in the Holiday spirit more than Gabe talking about all the raw-dogging going on during the Walking Dead.

  17. Was anybody else hoping Dale was going to use the bag of guns to kill Herschel and take over the farm? The farm that Grimes insists is “special”? (Why’s this farm special, again?)

    • The swamp, I guess. Or maybe the fact that it has a magical endless supply of ammunition, electricity, fuel, food, water, and supplies.

  18. GABE, IT’S A HYUNDAI! Haha, just kidding, who cares.

    I was worried that after they resolved the whole Sophia thing they would move on from the farm, but from the previews it looks like they’re still going to be on that farm for a while! Phew! I love that farm so much!

    “Rick is staring into the middle distance” should be the logline for every episode of this show.

    • Hyundai Tucson! Ones a compact crossover, the other is a subcompact hatchback. I know Gabe is doing this on purpose — love it — but still had to say it.

      • Obviously it’s a Hyundai, because you’d choose the vehicle based on affordability and that 50,000 miles warranty is just great. Plus I hear they guarantee their resale value now. It’s guaranteed? Yeah, it’s guaranteed.*

        * (not a guarantee)

  19. I really wish Dale would die. I am annoyed by his constant judgement and need to do what he thinks is best for the group without getting a consensus.

    Seriously, you want to hide the guns? In the woods? Thanks grandpa!

  20. Shooting Sophia in the face is so much better than breaking the legs of a chicken and throwing Sophia that for breakfast. That was unpleasant.

  21. Does anyone else find this shows theme song hilariously anti-climactic every single time? Always super dramatic music followed by cut to: people standing around a farm talking endlessly.

  22. I was hoping that Shane shot Dale in the woods. Yes, Shane is a crazy murderer, but Dale’s weird judgy making people’s decisions for them thing is really irritating. Also, Shane has actually done a pretty good job lying about killing Otis so from Dale’s perspective Shane should really only be guilty of being vaguely weird and creepy and if that’s a reason to yell at someone and hide their guns then Dale needs to spend some time yelling at a mirror. Also I do not like looking at Dale’s face.

    Glen’s speech about forgetting that the zombies are dangerous because he has spent some time in relative safety was actually a highlight of the episode for me. It rationalized some of the group’s behavior and was pretty believable! It also was the hands-down best argument for killing the zombies in the barn.

    I was not as in love with the ending as everyone else.

    • Relative Safety = Farmhouse wooden Fence that sometimes leaves the gate open

    • I did love the hilarious Significant Pause before the final zombie straggled out. Oh, hey, is there another zombie in there? I wonder if it’s anyone important?

      Maybe we’re all overlooking the absurdist interpretation of this half-season of The Walking Dead. “HEY YOU GUYS, SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING, I WAS IN THE BARN THE WHOLE TIME.” –Godot

      • Yeah, it could’ve been way cooler if in the midst of the shooting-the-zombies-as-they-stagger-out-hullabaloo Sophia came out indiscriminately amidst the rest, and the characters realizing and recognizing her as they were shooting at zombies would get distracted, as a whole making it much more frenetic and suspenseful because maybe everyone would get distracted and some of the zombies would actually get in close before getting capped.

        Also, just the fact that Zombie Sophia came out slowly and stood there like a bump on a log instead of blood-thirstily just COMING AT THEM as zombies are wont to do would’ve lessened the saccharin, “Oh no! Sophia…” mood that the moment had, where Grimes just moseyed over and casually capped a non-moving target. Even the little girl in the first episode charged at him.


    During Zombie Fishing at the swamp, Hershel mentioned that Otis used to be the one responsible for wrangling rogue Walkers into the barn, and now that Otis is no more, the rest of them have to do it. I assumed that Zombie Sophia was caught by Otis somewhere in between when she ran away from Rick in the woods and when Shane and Otis went into town for medical supplies to save Stupid Carl.

    Since there wasn’t really any amount of time for the two groups to exchange notes on why they were in the area before the meds run, Otis never got the chance to mention “oh, hey, we’ve got a zombified little girl in the barn…” before Shane offed him.

    Talking Dead confirmed this; there was a flashback that was cut that showed Otis putting Zombie Sophia in the barn.

    • That has got to be the only good piece of writing this season, no wonder it was cut. That actually makes sense! And it makes sense over a significant period of time, too bad it was sacrificed to half-ass Shyamalan the ending.

      • In their defense, would waiting 6 years for them to stop looking for this girl been less of a nightmare if we knew exactly where she was the whole time?

        • Am I the only one who was in a house full of people who cheered when Sophie walked out of that barn? We were all like, thank god, let’s move on Mr. Story.

  24. There have been two really great moments in this season so far—Shane killing Otis, and the reveal of Sophia as a zombie in the barn.

    It’s a shame that so much else of the season has been so lousy. There could have been a great two-three episode arch here—but it was stretched too thin over six episodes, padded with repetitive arguments.

  25. So many goddamn episodes had passed under the zombie bridge that when Sophia came out of the barn I said WHO THE F IS THAT I DO NOT RECOGNIZE HER but first I said what the f is wrong with that zombie did she not hear the other zombies getting shot and why didn’t she get all zombie worked up too? Oh wait – she was limping – she had a broken zombie ankle or something and was having a hard time dealing with the zombie pain she wasn’t feeling. And THEN I said omg it’s Sophia with not much decay at all I guess her agent said not too much gross zombie makeup my client thinks it’s ooky.

  26. Why didn’t Shane say “hey everybody here are your guns Dale tried to throw them in a creek!”

    Why is Glen incapable of washing his own f’ing hat? I got egg in it – oh well, can’t wear it again – it’s broken.

  27. This show has to be worse than the current season of Dexter. It has to be. I’m currently trying to total number of characters I want offed on each show.

    I guess they could kill everyone off on TWD and I’d be fine.

    • That’s what I’m looking forward to in the Walking Dead because of what i like about the comics: A lot of people meet their end. Major characters go away. A lot of characters in the show are currently not around much in the current comics, if you get my drift.

      For me, the difference between WD and DEXTER is that I want most characters on DEXTER dead, knowing they never will be offed (and I stopped watching DEXTER after the Lithgow season), whereas in WD there’s always a chance (or at least, there should always BE a chance).

      I said it when the first season started, and Robert Kirkman actually mentioned it last night on Talking Dead (which was only the second time I’ve watched the program because it was the end of the half season), and what he said was the comic books are so much fun because the characters are only on the page, and when they die they die and the focus immediately moves back to the surviving cast and their troubles. In the show, and this is what Kirkman said, killing off a character feels a lot like firing an actor, so it’s a harder decision to make.

      With that said, if they get to a season 5 of this show without a significant character rotation, they will not have successfully adapted the essence and one of the stand-out staples of the comic series: No one is safe from PERMANENT DEATH (unlike superhero comics, where everyone is immune from permanent death).

      • Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  28. Did no one else catch Glen’s “Joey Lawrence/Russo moment” after expresShane shot the organic egg walker in the chest?

    I laughed so hard I peed a little.

  29. i liked this episode, sure there were things wrong with it but thats fine because this show still has zombies and all the other shows don’t

  30. So what shitty show are you going to review until Feb? I am going to miss these. May I nominate Dexter with Tom Hanks Jr? That just had its own reveal everyone was expecting?

  31. I found this site by accident & for payment will be putting the Fatima ad in the newspaper this week.

    For weeks/months/years/decades (cuz it feels like S2 has bin that long) I thot I wuz the only bitter’n'twisted S2 WD washout fan.

    I’ve found sum salvation here, in this smarmy & thriving little community of wiseacres. I’ve bin singularly dealing with “wait.wut?” moments on a weekly basis.

    If we cood only go bak in time & hear Otis scream “Sophia’s in the BARN!” to Shane, as Otis is bein’ nom’d & THEN watch Shane shave his hed… sigh.. things cooda bin so … spectacularly predictable…

  32. Now that the barn is empty, Glen and Maggie can finally do it in the hayloft.

    • Now that the barn is empty, they now have the storage space necessary to make one final trip to the village and grab everything.

    • Now that the barn is empty, they don’t need to raise as many chickens.

      • Now that the barn is empty, they can build a bright and cheery baby room for Baby Shane.
        No, Baby Rick.
        I mean RickShane.
        No, wait – I mean Shrick.
        Hold on – Rane.
        Yes. Baby Rane.

  33. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  34. Once again you are idiot to the author of this. They said Otis handled gathering the zombies, he was the one that wrangled and put sophia up he was the only one that knew and Otis got killed before Sophia was even mentioned. Man you are stupid.

  35. I’m guessing everyone’s still cringing too hard to mention how god-awful that Portal reference was? Yeah? That’s it? Okay, just making sure.

    • Why was it god-awful? Portal’s a fun puzzle game, and what was Glen doing at the start of the series? Traveling around making supply runs and creative problem-solving to avoid zombies. Plus, he’s 20-something, and Portal came out a little while ago, at least long enough ago for it to not even be the newest game in the series (Portal 2 came out a little while ago, right?).

      Or are you saying it’s cringe-worthy because it’s a stereotype? Glen is asian and it’s stereotypical that asians play video games, just like T-Dog being the one to scold that farm kid’s RIDICULOUS gangsta grip on his handgun?

      • Or are you just considering it cringe-worthy because it can be interpreted as product placement, like that Hyundai?

      • It’s awful because going down the well to kill a swollen zombie is nothing like portal, and also, although the show itself technically panders to nerds by default, being based on a zombie comic book, they haven’t made a precedant of actual in-show nerd pandering so to start doing so in the end of the second season feels too late, forced and contrived.

  36. I know I am so Mr. Waylate here, but these episode recaps are THE BEST. Four more seasons!

    • I’m watching the next season just to see Daryl and Sophia’s mom bone. I loved it how Daryl got awkward in front of her in the barn cos she acted like she didn’t want him to do stuff for her anymore, and then spazzed out when he tried throwing the saddle to look tough and then got mad at her because she saw him being a total dorkus. Their romance is so school-yard crushy.

  37. Gabe, you’re retarded. If you don’t like The Walking Dead, you’re retarded. It’s a fact – like gravity. In fact, reading your article on the ep7 made me realise that in all likelihood your brain is rotting like that of a zombie. Anyone failing to be moved by the appearance of Zombie Sophia, must be either a zombie themselves… or retarded. Agreed it wasn’t altogether shocking, or a surprise, I think many people guessed she was going to be in the barn. But that’s not the point. And once again the retard misses the point. Its – about – the – emotional – content – of – the – scene. Finally Sophia’s mum realises there is no hope for her little girl. I have my fingers crossed for a zombie apocalypse, and when it comes I hope you’re one of the first to go, and that its me that puts you down. But until that day, have a merry xmas.

  38. I’m a little late to the party, I DVR’d it and didn’t have the energy to watch an entire episode until this morning. This was by far the funniest episode of the season.

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