I know it’s difficult to be a young man. You’re dealing with a lot of new emotions and new stuff going on with your body, and half of the time when you’re upset (which seems like A LOT of the time lately) you don’t even know why you’re upset — you just know that nothing seems right and that you need someone to fix it. And deodorant? You know the school gave it to you in a travel-size, but HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER TO WEAR IT? And is it the right smell? How are you supposed to know if it’s the right smell, and if that’s a smell that girls will like, and are you supposed to be shaving your face? You’re getting some hair on your face but it’s probably barely noticeable, right? WAIT, RIGHT? This can all be frustrating and, believe me, we’ve all been there. But (and I do feel like you know this) — it is certainly no reason to spin the duck so fast that it spins OFF OF the children’s duck ride. That is just nonsense.

If you wanted to go so fast, Mr. Cool Spinner, why didn’t you just ride an adult ride? Huh? I’m sure there were more than enough adult rides at the carnival that could’ve made you feel just as dizzy as spinning around very fast on the children’s duck ride. Not to mention that the fact that you were able to spin so fast the the duck came off of the ride has brought up A LOT of fear in everyone’s minds about the safety of carnival rides that they were previously trying to suppress in order to enjoy themselves for just one goddamn night. So, can you please refrain from doing that in the future? Also, you are actually an adult and you should GET A NEW SHIRT! Thank you. (Via WastingTime.)

Comments (7)
  1. Thanks again, Occupy Wall Street.

  2. “Are you kids on quack?!” — Duck Mother

  3. I think it’s nice that even though he’s an adolescent going through a lot of changes, Kelly had the decency to address Cool Spinner as Mr. Cool Spinner.

  4. Duck, duck, loose.

  5. I like how the language of “oh my god” is universal.

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