Hello, ladies! You’re all looking beautiful today. Of course I don’t actually have any idea about what you look like so it’s entirely possible that a bunch of you are looking A MESS, but even when you’re looking a mess it’s important to remember that you are beautiful. Amen. So, to get to the thing of it — Ladies, we aren’t as young as we used to be. The days of waking up, taking a shower, putting clothes on, having a bowl of cereal, fixing our hair, putting on a little bit of makeup, brushing our teeth, getting our stuff together, putting on our coats, making sure we haven’t forgotten anything, and heading out the door to high school, college, or our first real jobs are behind us. We are old now and basically dead. This may cause you to believe that all of your girlish dreams like being a ballerina, having a famous boyfriend, learning how to apply makeup, having eyebrows that are even, and being a cheerleader have to be put to rest. Once you’re our age those kind of new experiences almost NEVER happen, and to be honest, you’d barely even have the time to experience them if you could! “It’s best to forget about them,” you may think. But I have news for you: IT’S NOT! For example, do you have to have a son who goes to a high school that has, for some reason, not enough interest to form its own cheerleading squad? And do you wonder about why that is? And do you think that they must not be trying enough to raise interest in it? But, in any case, there isn’t one? And does your motherly love that is only coming from a very good and adorable place often get in the way of seeing what would and would not embarrass your teenage son and his football team when they are only trying to get through the school year without looking like a bunch of NERDS? Well do I have a news story for you!


SEE! It’s never too late! You just have to think outside of the box. Surprise even those who have been around for twenty years. Do a very nice thing for your son who likes women of all hair colors, except red heads. Next thing you know you’ll be up on stage performing a ballet, with perfect makeup and eyebrows, and in the audience you’ll see Johnny Depp. And you’ll think, “Oh my goodness, I love Johnny Depp!” And afterwards, backstage, someone will come to your dressing room to tell you that you have a visitor. “A visitor? At my age?” you’ll think. Yes! And it will be JOHNNY DEPP! And he’ll ask you on a date and tell you that you’re the best ballerina he’s ever seen. And finally your life will seem worth it. (Via BuzzFeed.)

Comments (18)
  1. Somewhere a MILF/Cheerleader fetishists mind just exploded.

  2. So there is still hope that I can follow my dream and become Tilda Swinton’s PA/henchwoman? YESSSSS.

  3. Cool moms.

  4. Always make sure your news broadcast is recorded on an answering machine.

  5. Just wait until you see their patented “My neck, my back” routine.

  6. And then when these kids graduate and go on to become pop culture bloggers, their moms can post words of encouragement from the comments section.

  7. “Get out of my football field, Mom!”

  8. You sneaky mom!

  9. Whoa, when that one mom squatted down, like five class rings fell out.

  10. My kingdom for even eyebrows.

  11. Hahaha, kids, you just got MOMMED!

  12. Alex Vermitsky  |   Posted on Nov 22nd, 2011 0

    In related news, Dads are no longer attending games due to lack of interest.

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