Carl and Lori are feeding the chickens. “Don’t look so worried,” Carl says. “That’s my job,” Lori says. “No it’s not, you’re a housewife.” BOOM! CARL DROPPIN’ BOMBS! Lori throws chicken seed in his face, blinding him. “Do you see my house around here?” Lori asks. Uh, THAT is your response to your child insolently saying that your job is to be a housewife? “Do you see my house around here?” That is the most housewife-y comeback I’ve ever even heard. Carl wonders what happened to the mother chicken of a bunch of baby chickens. Lori says she’s probably somewhere. Again with the killer answers from Lori. “Where is the mother?” “She’s probably somewhere.” It’s almost as if Lori is TOO sparkling in a conversation. “Maybe she got eaten,” Carl says. Lori gives him this super-intense horrified face, which in her defense IS just her face, but also what is she upset about? Carl is right, maybe the chicken got eaten? That’s kind of a thing that happens to chickens, in general, and on a chicken farm especially. Also, Carl lives in a nightmare world of brain dead rotting flesh, and two days ago he got shot trying to pet a deer, and the guy who shot him is already dead, and just in general I think he’s READY for the TRUTH about MORTALITY at least as far as CHICKENS ARE CONCERNED. “Everything’s food for something,” Carl says. This is also supposed to be powerful and metaphorical because the next thing we see is a woman from the farmhouse taking a sack of chickens and dumping them into the Zombie Barn. So, sure, everything is food for something. Except, in particular, CHICKENS ARE FOOD FOR PEOPLE, TOO. Like, yes, Carl (and this show), everything is food for something else. But in particular, chickens are food for us. And apparently also food for zombies? It’s just stupid to look at a candy bar and be like “everything is a candy bar to someone,” and think that you’re revealing some deep truth about THE WAY THINGS ARE. “Everything’s food for something, for example chickens are food for something. Hard to say what. I’m not saying I know WHAT eats chickens, but if chickens eat chicken feed, then something eats chickens, and then something eats those things, and on and on up the food chain until you get to dinosaurs and leprechauns.” Shut up, Carl. Shut up, Lori. Why do they need to feed the zombies chickens? There is absolutely no scientific evidence that suggests that you need to feed the zombies at all. It seems like the zombies are just as disgusting and undead whether you feed them chickens or do not feed them chickens. ANSWER THAT, CARL, IF YOU’RE SUCH A GENIUS. [Insert Lori Crap Face.] (Also the woman from the farmhouse breaks both of the chickens legs with her bare hands before throwing it to the zombies for some reason? As if that was an issue? I am pretty sure zombies don’t just attack people with broken legs? Then she uses a wheelbarrow to transport the sack to the barn even though it only has one chicken in it? Is this show nonsense? Just kidding, don’t answer that. Because I already know the answer.)

Anyway:

Glen is watching the zombie barn through a pair of binoculars. Haha. WHY?! He knows what’s in there, yes, but basically he is just staring at a barn? Get to work, Glen. His girlfriend walks up with a basket of fruit and tells him he can’t tell anyone about the barn. “You’re trying to buy my silence with fruit?” he asks. “No,” she says, “there’s also jerky.” This whole scene is played for comedic affect, with Glen offering witty banter about how bad he is at lying. “I can’t even play poker,” he says, “it’s too much like lying!” The problem with playing this scene for comedic effect is that it’s not that funny when everyone’s face just looks like this the whole time:

Glen’s girlfriend, in response to his multiple legitimate questions about why on Earth they have a locked barn full of zombies 10 feet from their house where they live, just says “You have to trust me.” Cool. Problem solved. Good answer. This show should just be called The Walking Good Answers because of how smart everything that everyone says always is. Glen starts distributing the fruit to everyone in camp, but each peach comes with a long, meaningful stare, enough to creep everyone out. Boy, Glen wasn’t kidding about being a bad liar! “What’s up,” T-Dog asks him. “NOTHING? WHY? SHOULD SOMETHING BE UP? WHAT’S UP WITH YOU?!” Even Shane and Rick over at Operation Sophia HQ are like, uh, Glen?

Glen sees Lori, who still hasn’t told Rick that she’s pregnant. He starts offering all kinds of nutritional and medical advice. Two days ago he didn’t even know what a pregnancy test was, and now he knows that she is underweight for an expecting mother, and that she’s not supposed to be lifting those heavy gasoline canisters of water. Glen says that he’ll go back into town, she just needs to tell him what she needs. “I need you to keep quiet about this.” Is anyone worried that Lori is TOO good of a person?

Carl tells Shane that he wants to learn how to shoot a gun, and he wants Shane to ask his parents for him. Two seconds later, because of how this conversation happens five feet from Carl’s parents, when it becomes overly clear that Grimes is VERY on board with Carl learning how to shoot a gun, one wonders why Carl didn’t just ask his dad directly in the first place? Also, Carl is already carrying a gun in the waistband of his Dockers.

Hey, remember how last week Herschel said he didn’t want anyone to carry guns on the property and everyone reluctantly agreed, but not only is everyone still carrying a gun but EVEN CARL HAS A FUCKING GUN? Never mind. Grimes and Lori have an argument about whether or not Carl should be taught how to shoot a gun. Grimes thinks it’s good for Carl to learn how to protect himself. Lori thinks he’s too young and also that he just got shot by a gun two days ago. This is not a very convincing argument. I mean, that works if Lori is trying to argue against ALL guns, but if everyone else is still carrying a gun, then Carl having been shot by a gun doesn’t really move the needle. And as far as him being too young, I mean, too young for WHAT at this point? We’re only about two weeks out from Carl becoming an important cog in the Baby Making Factory to repopulate the Earth, so he might as well know how to protect his love tent from zombies. GET IT WET, CARL! (Gross. You know what else is gross? The flimsy and insulting logic of this show.) It also seems worth pointing out that this show is supposed to take place in Georgia, where there is a pretty prevalent gun culture, and Grimes is a sheriff, and his best friend is a certified shooting instructor. If anything, it’s weird that Carl doesn’t ALREADY KNOW how to fire a gun. What are they trying to do? Raise him into a gay?! It is worth noting that this is just the first of three, yes, THREE, boring and overwrought arguments that Lori and Grimes will have this week.

And then:

Wait for it!!!!

Glen begs off the shooting lessons in order to spill the beans to Dale all about how Lori is pregnant and there are zombies in the barn. Really? If I were Glen I would have gone to the shooting lessons. That seems way more fun and less bug-eye-y. Dale IMMEDIATELY walks right over to Herschel in the horse barn and confronts him about the zombie barn (two different barns, I think). Actually, first Dale says “I love your fields,” and some story about how he walked by the barn and that’s how he knows. On the one hand, this gets Glen off the hook, but as a bonus, I’m sure this boring story about walking through a field will also soften the blow. Just kidding! You are confronting a man about his biggest secret, who the fuck cares how you found out! Herschel explains that they aren’t zombies, they’re just sick people without a cure, and you don’t kill sick people. “Paranoid schizophrenics are dangerous, too. We don’t kill them,” Herschel argues. Uh, not the same thing. Not even a little bit the same thing? Also, there is (or was) an infrastructure for taking care of paranoid schizophrenics to minimize the danger, but I bet you if there was a paranoid schizophrenic OUTBREAK that turned EVERYONE into a paranoid schizophrenic, we’d start shooting them. And then Jose Saramago would write a thin but moving novella about it and win the Zombiel Prize for literature. Herschel also lumps what happened at the well last week into his discussion of irrational fear and violence. Again, no? For one thing, they actually tried to pull the zombie out of the well alive at first. And then the zombie ripped in half, much like a paranoid schizophrenic does when you try to pull one of those out of a well without contaminating the well. And then they killed the disembowled half of a zombie that was crawling towards them trying to eat them. What would Herschel have done? “Throw that half of a zombie carcass in the barn and we will wait until there is a cure for this disease and also a way to regrow lower halves of bodies.” Dale still wants to tell Grimes about the barn, but Herschel points out that there are some people in the group who aren’t trust-worthy. Dale makes a Dale Face.

Guns guns guns. Shoot shoot shoot. The Gun Club goes fine. Apparently, although Herschel doesn’t want any guns on his property, he doesn’t mind if everyone gets really good at USING the guns. Andrea is apparently very good at shooting guns now, so Shane gives her an advanced private lesson deeper in the woods. I guess everyone else just went home? Shane swings a log from a rope and Andrea tries to shoot a moving target but it’s too hard. Shane screams in her face about her dead sister. What a good teacher! If he can change just one young woman’s life then it will all be worth it. (Later he will DEFINITELY be changing Andrea’s life all over the backseat of his Honda Fit.) Andrea storms off. Shane storms after her. He apologizes to her, and then drives her to a suburban neighborhood where he “got a lead on Sophia.” HAHAHAHAH. How do you “get a lead” on something when there are seven people left in the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD? And obviously ENOUGH WITH SOPHIA WHO CARES ABOUT FUCKING SOPHIA? They search through some houses filled with dead bodies, no big deal, and then suddenly there are zombies everywhere and Shane uses this as an immersion technique to make Andrea get good at shooting? As if we are all just sitting here hoping that Andrea gets better at shooting but also very willing to wait with her for as long as it takes. Take your time, Andrea. Do you need another episode? How about all of next season of The Walking Dead is just you learning how to shoot better and then we’ll pick up Sophia’s trail again in season 4. Oh good, it didn’t take that long. She’s so good at it now. They get in the car and drive about 10 feet and start to fuck. Nice. HONK HONK HONK!

Dale confronts Lori about her pregnancy. Dale might be even worse at keeping secrets than Glen! Lori explains that she doesn’t know how she can bring a child into this world, which is a totally fair point. A miserable, depressing point that I feel like we’ve already BEEN OVER A HUNDRED TIMES ON THIS SHOW, but a fair one. Dale tells her that she can’t think like that. Wrong as usual, Dale. You can definitely think like that. Lori finds Glen and tells him that on second thought, she would like him to risk his life by riding into town on a horse to the pharmacy to get her some supplies. Good thing they didn’t just take everything from the pharmacy the first time! (SPOILER ALERT: they also don’t take everything from the pharmacy on this trip, either. For some reason, it is important to leave things at the pharmacy and only take them on an as-needed basis.) Glen’s girlfriend goes with him. They have a boring argument. They get attacked by a zombie. They yell at Lori. They fuck. HONK HONK HONK!

Shane threatens Dale. Is Shane crazy? Is Dale annoying? Can everyone just kill each other already?

Glen picked up Lori’s “Morning After Pills,” which literally say “Morning After Pills” on the box.

Huh! I did NOT realize that was how those things were being packaged now. Congrats, ladies! Your bodies, yourselves. He also got her some pre-natal vitamins. IT IS JUST LIKE SOPHIE’S CHOICE! He tells her that he can’t tell her what to do, but that she probably shouldn’t make this decision on her own. But she basically does make the decision on her own, by taking a bunch of morning after pills. They don’t work after a certain period of time unless you take a comical number of them. Then she feels guilty and throws up the pills out in the middle of a field somewhere, leaving her empty “Morning After Pills” wrappers all over the tent where she lives with both her husband AND young child. Carl might not be old enough to learn how to shoot a gun, but he is definitely old enough to learn about the mania and desperation of a woman spinning out of control! Grimes walks into the tent and sees “Morning After Pill” wrappers all over the place. He immediately assumes that his wife is pregnant and that she is trying to abort their baby, which it does turn out is true and he’s right, but considering how many people are fucking all over the place, it could have been just about any of the women on the show. He confronts her out in the field. Understandably, Grimes is mad. They have some old argument about babies that comes DANGEROUSLY CLOSE to some right to life bullshit. Lori says something about how she didn’t want to tell him because that way whatever she decided to do would be on her conscience and not on Grimes’s, which lets you know that Lori REALLY doesn’t understand how marriages or having babies work. Like, you don’t think that at some point Grimes would find out and that it would be on his conscience that you aborted and/or had a baby without telling him? Either way, kind of going to end up on his conscience, brainiac. Then Grimes says he can’t live like this anymore, with the secrets and the lies, and wants to know if there’s anything else Lori has to tell him and she finally, FUCKING GODDAMNED FINALLY, tells him about Shane. Well, actually, all she says is “Shane and I.” She leaves out the second half of the sentence, which is “snuck away from the group and he raw-dogged me from behind in the forest and it was awesome.” Grimes says that of course he knew, which, right, I mean, she is your wife and he is your best friend and neither of them has been keeping it cool about this, so of course he knew. This is one of those TV moments where we are supposed to be excited that two characters are discussing a thing that it turns out both of them have known for two years and also we have known for two years and so it’s like, OK, good, I guess, but it’s not that dramatically engaging when everyone knows everything already. (As if anything on this show is dramatically engaging.)

“You thought I was dead, right? You thought that the world had gone to hell, and that I was dead?” Grimes asks. Lori takes an impossibly long time to finally nod yes. Wait, isn’t that exactly what happened? She has actually been for real saying that to everyone the whole time, and it’s totally believable, but is that suddenly not what happened? Now we are supposed to think that it was because she just really wanted to raw-dog Shane in the forest regardless of whether Grimes was dead and the zombies were in the White House? FOUR MORE YEARS! UNTIL ANYTHING ACTUALLY INTERESTING OR IMPORTANT OR MEANINGFUL HAPPENS ON THIS SHOW!

Next week: the season finale, thank God.

Comments (126)
  1. Question: The way the story goes, everyone who dies becomes a zombie, regardless of how they die, right (aside from having their brains bashed in). In other words, you don’t necessarily need to be bitten by a zombie,right? So if Lori aborts her baby, does her dead fetus become a zombie-fetus? We could have finally found out whether life truly begins at conception!! The Walking Dead is afraid to answer the tough questions.

    • I think the TV show isn’t going with that aspect of zombie creation but I could be wrong because my brain goes blank while watching

      • Nope you have to be bitten by a zombie to become one. That’s Zombie 101. Or Zombie 206 but that’s an elective.

        • Counterpoint:Following classic Romero-rules, everyone who dies, for any reason, will re-animate as a zombie. Zombie bites are not how the “infection” is spread. Instead, zombie bites and saliva cause infections that are 100% lethal. Characters have speculated, but cannot confirm, that whatever causes zombies to re-animate is some sort of virus that everyone in the world is technically infected with but is only triggered by death.
          http://walkingdead.wikia.com/wiki/Zombies

        • Nope, when you die you turn into a zombie, that’s why it’s an epidemic! That’s why there are so many zombies. The zombie bite, will kill you, but lots of things will.

    • you just spoiled the new twilight movie for everybody who hasnt seen it yet

      • The car mummies were just polite zombies that didn’t bother getting out of the car or eating any other people until their brains melted inside their own skull (dude needs to crak a window).

    • For some reason I can’t directly reply to Steve Winwood, but you always come strong with the rad Twin Peaks references out of nowhere, dudeski. In other words, ‘props’.

  2. Hi, gun club. Good to see you. Glad you’re doing your business. Listen, quick question: when you’re doing your business in the aftermath of a fairly significant apocalyptic event, perhaps could you maybe not seem so much like everyone is just wasting SO MUCH AMMO. HOLY COW! Hey. Maybe you could, like, find some BB guns to start the beginners on? Maybe hey, I dunno…start em off with throwing rocks at a tree. I mean. Look, I know I’m not a gun or ammo expert like you, but I’m sure you have a limited amount of both, and it just kind of seemed like you were going through a whole lot of bullets. Are you running out of bullets? Maybe just tell me how many bullets you have, total, and I’ll let you know if you’re using a reasonable amount during what I assume is DAILY target practice. Yeah, you know what, I’ll just say it. I think…it’s too much. You’re using too much ammo.

    • My favorite part of gun club is how everybody is insanely good at gun club on the first try and then everybody gets to have sex in a Honda afterwards.

      • So it was a Honda this week and not a Hyundai? Interesting. I guess the show approached Honda and said their car could be in last week’s episode sitting in the driveway or in this week’s episode getting covered in Andrea and Shane love spray and they chose the latter.

        • Hey, we have no idea whether love spray was involved but I think they’re going to allude to it in season 5 right after Rick tells the gang he has a lead on Sophia and Darryl hallucinates his brother again “You said you’d save me” Merle says “For the fortieth time, Merle…”

        • No, it was the same Hyundai.

    • That’s exactly what I said at that scene but then I was like, “oh yeah I’m mad because its not realistic. great.” Then I shut up.

      • Yeah but there’s a difference between asking for realism in the context of a completely unrealistic scenario (for example, Hershel keeping zombies is stupid, but in the grand scheme of how people would act, this isn’t a big deal. There are stupider people in the real world. big whoops,) and then having your characters do stupid things in the context of an unrealistic show that ruin the intent of the show.

        It’s a horror-genre, right? The show is supposed to be a little scary, right? No matter how unrealistic the whole plot is, if they have unlimited ammo, that’s just one thing that makes me give less of a care about these characters. I mean, I already don’t care SO MUCH. It would be nice if they pretended ammo was a little scarce.

        • And this will be the case until they inevitable all run out of bullets as soon as there are actual zombies around…

          I can see it now: a giant horde of zombies is closing in on the gang and then Glen saves them with a motorcycle or something but not before T-Dwag or Sophia’s mom bites it. It will be followed by a 6-8 episode arc where they search for more ammo and Grimes has a lot of boring talks about how they need to think differently about ammunition these days.

      • I guess my point has nothing to do with realism actually. It’s really bad storytelling. Lowering stakes is a bad idea, and if you don’t have to do it (they didn’t) don’t do it.

        • Thanks to the Walking Dead, I have made a list of things we apparently don’t have to worry about running out of in the zombie-apocalypse:

          Power
          Hot running water
          Ammunition
          Gas (siphon all you want)
          Fully stocked stores (so much that you might as well leave the stuff there and get it as you need it, no reason to worry about other people grabbing it all)
          Horribly amusing facial reactions

    • I’m sure they can send the kids to the pharmacy to get more ammo and also have sex. They probably still have everything at the pharmacy.

    • The first rule of Gun Club is there is no Gun Club.

  3. Ugh. This lazy storytelling. Holy shit. I basically hope every character gets their faces chomped off now.

    • I’m with you…the zombies, I’m sorry, the walkers at least have plausible motives for what they do. They’re basically hungry. Shane’s out taking emotional wrecked people into living-dead ambushes to teach them a lesson.

  4. I think something magical happened last night because I started to sincerely enjoy watching this show. It’s awful, it’s absolutely the worst, but I don’t know, something in my brain just clicked, much like Shane’s sense of human decency in trying situations. There were SO MANY good Dale faces.

  5. I have to say, I actually enjoyed this episode. It still had it’s share of ridiculous moments, but it brought some good people vs people dramatic conflict, which is what this show has been missing. It also had some nice character building moments, which is what the comic is all about. I love Gabe’s recaps, they really point out a lot of the plain stupidity that has happened this season, but this episode gave me a little hope. Next week is the mid-season finale, and then it’s half a season of new writers. I still have hope that this show can get good.

    • We get new writers?! I am so excited! You just gave me hope. Thank you. Bless you.

    • New writers? Is that encouraging or too little too late? It can’t be worse than, “Oh, you brought me the morning after pill AND pre-natal vitamins? That’s a hell of a choice!”

      WE KNOW IT’S A HARD CHOICE LORI THEY ARE BASICALLY THE TWO OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE PILL SPECTRUM FOR YOUR MEDICAL CONDITION YOU DON’T HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT WE ARE NOT THE DUM-DUMS YOU ARE!

    • Who let Glen Mazzara post on the Comments section?!

    • You hit on the reason that I keep watching: because it could get better. I really think they have a great premise, and I don’t think it would be that hard to make an amazing show out of it, but right now it’s just kinda “meh”.

  6. This show is so annoying but I keep watching. I hope a walker eats Dale’s face off. He’s all about telling random stories that somehow tie into the topic at hand: “I like walking fields…I know you have a barn full of zombies.”

    Glenn is also a candidate at getting his face eaten off for my pleasure. What’s with the comedy? “You have a medical condition” he tells Lori about her pregnancy. Tune in next week when he misconstrues what Chrissy and Janet are saying about Jack. What Im saying is that Glenn is basically Mr. Furley. I want that to be clear.

    The most annoying part of the episode was when Carl wanted to learn how to shoot and Lori says he’s not mature enough and Carl interjects while wearing a comically large sheriff cowboy hat. Then Grimes says that Shane is the best instructor he knows as if that matters at this point. “I’d love Carl to learn how to kill the mindless hordes that want to eat us but there’s not a certified trainer with sufficient commendations in camp.”

    • Dale and Glenn are my favorites! They both actually seem to care about people other than themselves, even if they sometimes (often) go over the top in showing it.

  7. hahaha. this show! I mean u guyz, this show is sooo gr8! A few things I ENJOYED (read: HATED) this week.

    -Again with the whole, “don’t make noise because zombies are attracted to noise” scenario is completely ignored. Last season it was when Glen drove the car back to the camp with the alarm on, but at least the writers had the characters acknowledge that he shouldn’t have done that. This season? “Who gives a fuck”–writers. First it was Daryl and his motorbike, and then last night’s episode: let’s shoot ALL the guns! Make ALL the noise! Good plan, dudes.

    -While planning to go for some good ol’ gun practice, two of “Herschel’s Girls” (a post-apocalyptic “Charlie’s Angels”) ask if they can join, claiming to have Herschel’s approval. The writers, being great, accurately tie this back to last week where Herschel told Grimes to always personally ask for his consent if Grimes is approached by one of Herschel’s family members wanting to do something with them. So Grimes says, “nothing personal, but I’ll ask Herschel myself”. Goof job Grimes, Good job, writers. Nothing wrong so far. Then about 5 minutes of nothing happens (Carl wants to shoot, Lori and grimes argue, etc), then YEEHAW everyone is off to go shoot some shit, “Herschel’s Girls” included. As every scene basically happened in the same spot and in rapid succession, and because Grimes was basically on camera, or just off camera for all of them, he definitely didn’t go speak to Herschel. It took 5 minutes for the writers of this shitty, shitty show to forget what they had just written.

  8. I have an idea for a TV show: 45 minutes of a single shot of a man in a pool treading water.

  9. I think with The Killing and The Walking Dead AMC has brought something to TV that we really haven’t seen before: the pretentiously bad show.

  10. Hate to break it to you Gabe, but next week is only the “mid-season finale,” which is apparently a thing?

  11. If Herschel loves the zombies so much, why doesn’t he just move into the barn with them?

    Also, I’m really glad they remembered to look for Sophia in this episode. With all the pregnancy talk and the gun club and the ‘are zombies people too’ debates I was afraid they’d get distracted and forget what this show is REALLY about.

    • Yeah that’s what I thought…. Then I was like, “Are they trying to make zombie symbolism by having zombie arms bust out and attack her from behind zombie morning after pills?” BITING subtext, show. (Get it?)

  12. I really enjoy the fact that the episode titles are so easy to guess:

    Cherokee Poop Rose
    Mushroom Chupacabra
    ALL OF THE SECRETS EVER

    Thanks, writers.

  13. I used to not mind Hershel so much, but his “zombies are sick people” ended that.

    Zombies in this universe are undead flesh-eaters, they are not living, rapid victims of a rage virus. They rot and their skin falls off, the snap in half and still attack, their necks break and they move around like they stubbed a toe. If those are your zombie rules, fine, but don’t make a character really, honestly believe that you can cure death and bring someone back from that. I know that if I died in a zombie apocalypse I’d really want to come back alive missing pieces of my jaw with my flash rotting off the bone – good times!

    I don’t think it is asking too much from a scifi/horror/genre show to at least abide by its own rules.

    • The only response I can throw out is that one character completely in denial doesn’t break the rules of the genre.
      Herschel is similar to Morgan, who was unable to shoot his undead wife. In Morgan’s situation, he knew she was undead and never coming back, but can’t bring himself to shut her down. In Hercshel’s instance, he’s a religious, old-timey medical vet guy who is holding onto a desperate hope that his wife and son will be cured, and he’s scraping the bottom of the barrel of diseases he knows about to refute any arguments.

      I think the only way the this show will break the ‘rules of the genre’ in this instance is if Herschel doesn’t ultimately get bit in the ass by his beliefs, either figuratively or literally. His way of thinking is going to be corrected or he’s going to die because of his misguided beliefs.

      • Religious and upset about his family as the character is, the character is also a vet with medical training. I would think that a trained medical professional with a biology background would know what happens when things die. Based on what this show has shown us about how one becomes a zombie (zombie bite = fatal = death = more zombies), he had to know his love ones died before they were put in that barn. I would think anyone – old timey religious vets included – would be rather squicked out but the thought of their loved one’s zombified corpse regaining real life.

        However, if next week they reveal that Hershel has been preparing to star in a home-version of Re-Animator, I take everything back.

        • We would think that. Unfortunately Herschel hasn’t. Dramatic, probably unrealistic zombie denial is his affliction.
          Maybe his wife and son were like, THE BEST people ever, and he’s having major issues letting go. Like maybe his wife was like the best cook with a great sense of humor, and she would just look into his eyes and he could see that she just y’know, GOT him. Maybe his son was the best son ever, the spitting image of Herschel, and upon whom Herschel had projected all his life’s dreams and ambitions.

          So when they both were bit and became zombies, maybe Herschel was like, “Nothing’s fucked. Nothing’s fucked! Let’s take you guys to the barn and feed you chickens until you’re all feeling better. Oh what’s that? The neighbors are sick too? Let’s throw them in my quarantine party barn! Out of sight out of mind! I miss my wife and son! AIDS! People were scared of AIDS, right? And that passed, I think! Paranoid Schizophrenia! That’s the ticket!”

        • Of course, knowing what happens when things die, he would “know” that zombies can’t be real, and if it’s moving, it must still be alive.

    • OMG yes, Hershel is on my last nerve. And here is something I want to know (although maybe my beef is with the lazy, unimaginative writers of this show who think idiotic cliche-ridden dialogue = dramatic action) but WHY GOD WHY didn’t Rick’s people sit down with Hershel’s people and talk about what they saw at the CDC? That was one of my favorite episodes last season because it actually moved the mythology of this world forward by showing the MRI of the Doctor’s wife becoming a zombie. Dale saw that video. Why did he just stare at Hershel with his bearded mouth hanging open instead of saying, “Actually Hershel, these people are dead and their bodies are artificially reanimated by a disease firing false electrical impulses in their brain stems and I know this for a fact because I saw the proof with my own eyes.”
      WHY.
      I am so done with the writers of this show. I don’t need them to write Shakespeare but could they at least be entertaining, clever, and consistent rather than boring and infuriating?

  14. when Lori was going on about how she still had her memories to sustain her, how she had a “well she could draw upon”, but how she fears Carl’s well was already running dry, I half-expected the show, given it’s dedication to solid scripts and real conversations, to extend the ‘well” metaphor to her unborn child: “but this baby, when it is born it won’t even be able to dig a well, let alone fill it up. It hands will be so small, such little, tiny baby hands. And it will have no memories to flood the well with, not to mention the fact that it will lack the strength required to lower a mental bucket into the well, fill the mental bucket with memories, and draw the mental bucket back out again so that it can remember them. This baby will be well-less.”–Season 2 DVD outtakes, probably.

    • Send Glen down, maybe he can do something.

      • Norm Macdonald will do the commentary track. “Your friends wish you well… yeah, they wish you were thrown DOWN a well! …. Your friends… wish you were MURDERED…. in a well…” His smug clueless grin face won’t show up on the commentary track.

  15. This show raw-dogs my brain every week.

  16. At this rate, Lori will have her baby by season 20.

    • Do we know how long it’s been? It’s only been like… two weeks, right? I feel like season 20 is generous.

      • At first I lazily typed out a ridiculous triple digit number. But then, feelign a twinge of responsibility, loosely figured about a month had passed so far over the two (1/2) seasons. Then I multiplied it by nine months (because pregnancies are OVER nine months and are actually a little closer to ten months, right?), and then I just added another two seasons to afford the show some wiggle room.

        But mainly, I would just like to point out that I was anxious for Skyler to have her baby over the 2 seasons of Breaking Bad, so I have NO IDEA how long Lori’s going to be running around pregnant, but I can say I’m already sick of it.

  17. Can we also talk about how absolutely stupid the writers are to have a grown-ass woman taking “The Morning After Pill” to get rid of a pregnancy that she has known about for weeks??? That’s not what Plan B does, assholes! It’s not the “abortion pill.” I mean I knew the writers of this show were lazy and inept, but that scene just bordered on offensively obtuse and irresponsible for me. YOU ARE ON MY LAST NERVE, WALKING DEAD.

    • What are you talking about? Just take the correct number of pills. Three weeks pregnant? Take 21 pills!

    • I think she’s only supposed to have known about it for a few days… Does she say weeks?

      • She says a few days, but she also said that she didn’t know if the pills would still work. I’m all for hating things and nitpicking, but lets focus on the important stuff, ya know?

        • It doesn’t even matter if it was a few days. You have three days to take the morning-after pill after having *unprotected sex*, not after finding out you’re pregnant.

          If this isn’t some sort of commentary on the result of abstinence-only education in rural Georgia, then the writers of the Walking Dead have some serious explaining to do.

          As if the crucifix in a Baptist church wasn’t bad enough.

          • Also, the morning after pill is just a very large dose of oral contraceptives (birth control pills), intended to prevent ovulation so that no egg is released to be fertilized. It definitely will NOT cause an already developing fetus to abort.

      • With the timeline for this show, who knows how long she has been pregnant. She might have been pregnant for two years. The kid wanted to come out but Lori started talking and the kid was like ‘f*ck it I’m staying in here”

        Sheriff woke up a month after the zombie apocalypse, so given a woman’s cycle, the position of the moon, etc. and the fact that about four days have passed since the show started, she could only be, at the most, a few weeks pregnant.

      • As far as I can tell, they’ve been on that farm for approximately 100 years. So who knows.

  18. I really enjoyed the one line they gave T-Dog this week. One line about one of Herschel’s kids holding a gun “Gangsta” style.

    Have we even found out what T-Dog’s back story is? Is he simply the Subject Matter Expert on being gangsta because his name is T-Dog?

    On a postive note I have been making Dale faces at all my co-workers today and it’s going as awesome as you would think!

    • Yeah, that was DUMB. SO DUMB. Why would that nerdy, pencil-necked FARM KID even get the idea to hold it gangsta in the first place, and WHY would you have T-Dog of all people call him on it? Why nto have the kid hold the gun regular, miss his target, and then T-Dog says some words of encouragement? WOOF

  19. WTFucking Dead

  20. - It is flat-out absurd that Herschel apparently believes that once you cure the whole zombie thing, people’s arms just pop right back into place and their skin grows back and they get a jawbone again. I can appreciate that he is clearly delusional and the writers’ aren’t (necessarily) trying to tell us his belief is totally reasonable (I guess), but they also aren’t giving us any understanding of why Herschel would be this heavily in denial.

    - You “got a lead” about Sophia being in a random subdivision, Shane? REALLY?

    - Not only did Dale know Lori was pregnant, he also basically guessed that she and Shane were banging. Glorious Leader Grimes is literally the last person to know anything.

    • The Herschel thing is even more absurd when you consider he’s a vet and has some science training. We don’t even have a cure for rabies – we can treat it before the virus appears, but once you have it, you’re f*cked.
      It’s also coocoo for cocoa puffs that everyone else in the house agrees with him. You’d think someone would have mentioned that this was completely bananas.

    • Now I can’t stop thinking about how insane it is that ANYONE would find Herschel/Maggie’s argument to keep the barn zombies under wraps reasonable AT ALL! They’re zombies! They’ll kill you! Hell, maybe one day they WILL cure zombieism and then won’t we all be happy that Mrs. Herschel is back in our lives. But there is DEFINITELY no cure right now and if they get out of that barn they will KILL ALL OF YOU.

  21. HAHA. Is there a grosser term than “raw-dog”? I’m pretty sure if you go in the bathroom and turn out the lights and say “raw-dog” 3 times with your eyes closed you get crabs.

  22. Shane’s probably a good role-model, right? He’s so buff. The next time someone grabs my doinkus I am definitely going to say “Come on, then.”

    Still, it’s pretty dangerous to go digging down there while someone’s driving. Shane on you, Andrea. Shane on you.

  23. Carl was shot last week but now he’s up and around shooting things! T-Bone nearly died from a large infected gash but now he’s fine! Darryl got an arrow shot through him and a bullet grazed his head but now he’s laughing and reading books!

    That zombie well water sure has miraculous properties.

  24. Guys, here’s how to up your enjoyment of this show 100 percent:

    Every time Grimes and/or Mrs Grimes talks, fast forward.

  25. Anyone else hoping for a zombie baby?

  26. I have to ask…Why was the Pharmacy a safe place for Glen and farm chick to get it on a day before, but this time around, they are attacked???

    Need more Darryl.

  27. Did anyone see Paul F. Tompkins and Kevin Smith seated side by side on Talking Dead (which, by the way, why does that exist?) last night? That was visually jarring. A study in contrasts.

    Anyway, The Walking Dead! Unappealing characters making illogical choices and having dull conversations (and occasionally there are zombies)!

    I have various friends and acquaintances in other online venues (Twitter and, okay, fine, yes, Livejournal) who think TWD is a legitimately great show and enjoy it very much. I feel like this is a safe space to say: this show is the opposite of great. It is bad. It’s bad and I hate it, but I’m also fascinated by it. In that sense, it is my new Studio 60.

    I also keep waiting for someone to mention that the actress who plays Andrea was also the worst on The X-Files. Or was my best friend at the time who was super into The X-Files the only one who hated her like crazy?

  28. Have any of you read actually read the graphic novel?

    I don’t know why the writers wanted to include the neighborhood search for Sophia. In the comic, the whole group finds this gated community that’s eerily similar to the scene with Andrea and Shane. They try to find a place to live but a bunch of zombies appear out of nowhere and run them off (sound familiar?). As they are leaving, snow or something falls off some graffiti revealing a warning left by someone else saying (sic)”All dead: do not enter”. Sophia never goes missing so I guess that’s the oh-so-lazy excuse for the writers to include this scene.

    They also use their guns for target practice in the comic so that’s why they include it in the show. But not sure why Darrel or T-Dog are in it. Also, spoiler alert:

    Shane was killed before they even made it to the barn.

    • Could you write out a detailed list of everyone from the comic who is dead now but is alive in the show, and how they all died?

      Seriously tho, the show is an adaptation of the comic for sure, but it’s still its own thing, and you can’t justify why something is on the show simply because it was in the comic, therefore ‘it belongs’. Same thing goes for Daryl and T-Dog. You can’t say they don’t belong because they’re not in the comic, because the show is not the comic.

      So while you’ve spoiled something for people who are planning on reading the comic series at some point, you may not have necessarily spoiled anything for viewers of the show (but I would hazard a guess that you have, so bully for you).

  29. So I guess the writers of these episodes have already been laid off then? That’s okay, because they can all surely get jobs in the adult movie industry. Because nowhere have I seen characters go from zero to sex so seamlessly. Pharmacy scene: “What’s that condoms? Okay I’ll have sex with you.” Interior Honda Elantra scene: – *crotchgrab* These writers either came directly from writing pornography or they are just naturally gifted pornwriters.

  30. “Hello. I’m one of the farm ladies. You’re probably wondering why I entered the festering stenchy zombie barn to feed them the chickens and had no reaction whatsoever to the horrific smell. I even stood there and looked down longingly at my friends and family and my nose never twitched, while Glenn fought off puking with every fibre of his being. Well, I can explain that. I lost my sense of smell in 1988 when Hershel and I were freebasing horse tranquilizers.”

    • Now if you could draw out that explanation to take up 20 minutes of screen time, you could be a writer for the Walking Dead.

  31. “there’s also jerky”

    Glen should’ve come back with “not since I’ve found you!” followed up w/ a nervous laugh.

  32. “Hello, I’m Carol, the lady who is still missing her daughter. I don’t ever volunteer or demand to help to look for her. I don’t show up at the truck hood to even look at the map the guys look at before they head out every day. To look for my daughter.”

    • Haha yea she’s always just laying around, why isn’t she contributing to the search?! Ugh and I hope her and Daryl don’t hook up, in the preview for next week, she was saying something like “I can’t lose you too”

  33. What ever happened to the whole “Gunshots attract zombies” thing? Aren’t they attracting walkers with their little Gun Club?!

    And I hope that when the inevitable happens and the zombie party busts down the barn door, some zombie chickens come flying out with the walkers….

    • The Ammo Wasting Society of Idiots meets far out in a clearing in the woods, all firing at the same time so that neither Shane nor Grimes can efficiently/adequately assess people’s progress.

      And the AWSOI’s Handbook also stipulates that members line up about 20 feet from the woods so that a zombie can easily walk up and chomp on someone’s head from behind without much trouble.

  34. “Hello. I am (was) that zombie in the drug store. So you’re probably wondering why, when that nervous Asian guy with the erection and the jerky farm girl came in and were about 15 feet from me, I didn’t smell them. Well, I can explain. I lost my sense of smell in 1988 when Hershel and his lady friend and I were freebasing horse tranquilizers.”

  35. I think this is the most Carl has ever spoken. Filled my heart with joy.
    CARL!

  36. FYI Gabe, this is the second time you’ve called the Hyundai in the show a Honda.

  37. If Kate Austen somehow ended up in the next episode of The Walking Dead, she would instantly be one of the most likable characters on the show. (I would say “THE most likable character,” but damn it, I kind of do like Daryl.) Still, that’s a true feat by the writers.

  38. “Carl”

  39. I actually see quite a large overlap between people who thought Studio 60 was a great show and those who enjoy TWD. Large as in 100% in my circle of acquaintances.

    It’s as if there’s a specific gene or personality trait that makes you buy onto the faux-quality aspects of both shows, because neither of the people in question watch regular drek like CSI: Miami or something.

  40. I wish I could quit this show. I blame Darryl for this, I watch for him.

  41. This show and women. Terrible. It is now worse than True Blood level for me.

    1. So a kid who has just barely escaped death manages to not only get a gun but convinces the adults to teach him how to shoot one in minutes even though Andrea, as terrible as she may be, needed half a season to convince apocalypse patriarchy to let her hold one.
    2. Andrea just needs a good fuck?
    3. Glen’s hysterical gf just needs a good fuck?
    4. Housewife?? Have you been fucking paying attention to everything your mother has been doing for you while your dad was away? Who the fuck is this kid?
    5. Not one woman is there to talk to Lori about her decision but THREE men (only one with an actual kid) thought it best to lecture her about how she should make it. What the fuck is this show?
    6. Racist Boondock Saint is still the only reasonable character on the show.
    7. Black guy pops up to deliver the ‘ghetto’ line, never seen from again.

    • Actually, i’d take the opposite view. It’s sexist toward men. Women are sexually mad aggressive in this show, if men acted like the women act, they’d be called sexist or worse. Both the farm girl and Andrea were the aggressors in initiating sexual contact. No man implied explicitly or otherwise that what they needed was a good fuck, they themselves wanted a good fuck, and went after it. The men however were portrayed as passive, sex-eager sluts, just waiting to be ridden. At best, that’s emancipating toward women, at worst it’s double standards and sexist toward men.

      • I don’t get how men who clearly want to have sex but don’t make the first move is sexist towards men. Glen clearly was interested in farm girl, annoyingly so. Andrea made a suggestive move towards a horny alpha male, farm girl propositioned Glen..neither one of those is mad aggressive, unless you’re viewing that from a puritanical point of view. Those two women get what the want in those situations, that’s great..but then there’s the other 50 minutes of the show.

  42. The main thing I came away with from this episode is that Shane even eats fruit like tough guy jerk.

  43. Ok, I’m just gonna put this out there. I don’t watch this show, I only read the recaps, and HOLY SHIT THIS WAS AN ENTIRE SEASON OF A FUCKING SHOW?

  44. I find annoying they call zombies “walkers”. Well, that’s okay, calling them zombies is an insult to all zombies.

  45. The only reason I keep watching the show is because of these recaps. They make my day :)

    Best quote:

    “Is this show nonsense? Just kidding, don’t answer that. Because I already know the answer.) “

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