Gabe: hi kelly
Kelly: Hi, Gabe
Gabe: how are you?
Gabe: just kidding
Gabe: NO TIME
Gabe: LET’S GET TO THE FACTS OF THE MATTER
Kelly: Ok perfect SO do you remember Casey Anthony
Gabe: kind of
Gabe: literally only a little
Gabe: i did not follow that story very much
Gabe: she ate a baby?
Kelly: She was on trial for eating a baby and even though they saw video of her preparing the baby to be eaten
Kelly: they acquitted her
Kelly: and now she lives in Florida
Gabe: wait, where did she live BEFORE?
Gabe: because the whole thing sounds VERY Florida
Gabe: if she’s only just getting to Florida now
Gabe: i feel like this story is going to take a dark turn
Kelly: It’s possible that she always lived in Florida
Kelly: I don’t know, listen, I’m not Professor Casey Anthony I just want to talk to you about something about her
Kelly: OK SO

Kelly: A prosecutor in the Casey Anthony trial has written a book about the trial which is not published yet
Kelly: And Lifetime is currently developing a Lifetime movie based on that book
Kelly: Which is gross to me because I thought we were all not going to talk about Casey Anthony anymore?
Gabe: i thought Lifetime was a channel about women drinking too much wine or something
Gabe: i did not know they tackled the Serious Issues
Gabe: like Casey Anthony’s prosecutor’s novel
Gabe: who’s going to play the BABYYYYYYYY?
Gabe: Jonathan Lipnicki is too ripped


Kelly: Verne Troyer is in talks
Gabe: why did you think we were all not going to talk about Casey Anthony anymore?
Gabe: who told you that?
Kelly: I thought that that was a thing?
Kelly: That everybody was like, “Ok, we’re going to stay away from this one. Let’s all agree not to make any money off of the Casey Anthony trial because yuck.”
Kelly: Wasn’t that a thing?
Gabe: you’re out of your mind
Kelly: But then they were like
Kelly: About this book, they were like, oh it’s by Jeff Ashton, a prosecutor, so it’s ok
Kelly: “We’ll allow it”
Gabe: yeah, it does seem like they’re being very cute
Gabe: about using the prosecutor’s book
Gabe: to make it seem legitimate
Gabe: when the reality is they just want to make a movie
Gabe: about the lady who ate a baby
Kelly: Yeah exactly
Kelly: It’s odd to me that Lifetime was the first one to figure out how to get around the fake agreement that maybe I even dreamed to not give to or make any money from Casey Anthony
Gabe: i’m still confused by this world agreement you seem to think exists
Gabe: that no one would talk about casey anthony
Gabe: but whatever
Gabe: well, so? IS THIS MOVIE GOOD OR BAD FOR WOMYN?
Gabe: just kidding
Kelly: WHAT IS THIS MOVIE?
Kelly: That’s the more important question
Gabe: rom com
Gabe: prosecutor falls in love with the criminal
Kelly: hahah
Gabe: after they have a meetcute in jail
Gabe: who’s directing this thing? Michel Gondry?
Kelly: Either Michel Gondry or the Duplass brothers
Kelly: I’m not sure because I’ve read too many Variety articles this month so I can’t see the article about it
Kelly: but I’m almost positive it’s one of those two
Gabe: look at you
Gabe: “I’ve read too many Variety articles this month”
Gabe: TURTLE, PULL KELLY’S BIKE AROUND!
Kelly: AND BRING ME MY COCAINE HOLLYWOOD SIGN HELMET!
Gabe: well, so, what, though, you’re mad about this movie?
Gabe: you seem kind of mad about it
Kelly: Well I’m just mad that, as you said before, Lifetime is acting like they’re not trying to just make a Casey Anthony movie because people are going to watch a Casey Anthony movie because people like horrifying things
Kelly: like the Casey Anthony trial
Gabe: well, in Lifetime’s defense
Gabe: there is literally a two paragraph announcement that they’re making it
Gabe: i’m not sure how hard they’re trying to say they’re doing something else?
Kelly: I will admit that I’m putting a lot of words into Lifetime’s mouth
Gabe: they seem like they’re actually being pretty straight-forward
Gabe: about what they’re doing
Kelly: ON THE SURFACE!!!!!
Gabe: hahahaha
Gabe: you should write a letter
Gabe: to the president of Lifetime
Kelly: Dear Mrs. Lifetime, YOU ARE A JERK, DON’T YOU THINK THAT YOU FOOL ME FOR ONE SECOND. See you in hell, Kelly
Gabe: perfect
Gabe: good letter, kelly!
Kelly: Thank you, now if you could send that letter for me and cosign it
Gabe: no way, man
Gabe: i want to see Katherine Keener eat Elle Fanning’s corpse, or whatever
Kelly: yeah WE ALL WANT TO SEE IT
Gabe: hahahhaha THE TRUTH COMES OU
Gabe: write yourself a letter
Kelly: :( :( :( :( :(
Gabe: you LIAR
Gabe: every time you point a finger at Lifetime, Kelly
Gabe: there are 100 fingers pointing at you
Kelly: This is a dark moment
Kelly: I guess it’s true what they say
Kelly: “How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never been in a friendly chat.”
Kelly: I’ll just send them a letter asking if they can make the movie a little more quickly.

Comments (36)
  1. Guys, that case was rested like months ago.

  2. i’d like to co-sign this whole chat, because it’s amazing.

  3. ALLEGEDLY ate a baby, guys. Also, NOT GUILTY.

  4. I have fake agreements with the world all the time, Kelly. And the world is ALWAYS reneging.

  5. Is that guy in the picture a “little person”? Because those exercise balls seem taller than him, and well, they’re not very tall.

  6. Gabe is mean to Kelly.

  7. “The human head weighs 5 pounds and I can probably bench about 47 human heads” – Jonathan Lipnicki.

  8. **I don’t know, listen, I’m not Professor Casey Anthony**

    At least you’ve finally admitted it. Though to be honest, I’m still not 100% convinced you’re not actually Professor Anthony Casey.

  9. People are neglecting the undeniable crime, naming your daughter Caylee

  10. hahaHA SWEET STAR OF DAVID TATTOO, MUSCULAR GUY IN THE PICTURE!!

  11. If there was no Lifetime, then what would I watch on Sundays while nursing my hangover from drinking too much wine?

    That’s it, I’m writing a counter letter to Kelly’s letter. SAVE LIFETIME!

  12. Actually, you can read as many articles as you’d like on Variety because their paywall doesn’t work. Just hit “Stop” on your browser before the paywall loads and voila!

    Entertainment Biz!

  13. I didn’t think anyone could overcompensate more by getting jacked than Carrot Top. I think I might have been proven wrong.

  14. Not to split hairs (but also to split hairs) that’s MR. Lifetime to you.

  15. Are we going to have to wait til tomorrow to talk about how excited we all are for Ricky Gervais to be hosting Golden Globes again? Because I’m 2 excited 2 wait! I wonder what outrageous things he will say and then talk about for the rest of all our lives. It’s comforting to know that when I’m 86, I’ll receive a brain tweet from Ricky Gervais about how he mentioned Atheism on national television back in 2011, faint from shock and just slip into the sweet embrace of death

    • Wow it’s been one piece of (bad) news after another this week hasn’t it? first we had #Occupywallstreet get evicted, then NBC pulling Community (our generation’s Arrested Development moment) then the one who apparently ATE a baby is getting a movie made about her and now this!?!?! What’s next?!? Colts go 0-16?? Let me join you in that sweet embrace of death

      • Funny how a Colts loss in the AFC playoff bracket has been replaced by a Ricky Gervais Golden Globes hosting gig as the one single nearly-guaranteed annual event in American popular culture. Sunrise, sunset.

  16. Maybe….. the Dingo…. ….

  17. I have now read this chat 3 times and it makes me laugh every time.

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