We’re admittedly a few days behind on this one, but the World’s Most Important Film Critic, Armond White, gave Adam Sandler’s most recent movie, Jack and Jill, a rave review, because OF COURSE HE DID. (See previously: Duh Aficionado Magazine: Armond White Is A Pretentious Jerk and also Well, “Abortionhorny” Is A Word Now.) Look everyone’s entitled to their opinion, but I’m starting to get the feeling that maybe Armond White isn’t entitled to his opinion. It is almost boring (almost, but still somehow not!) how lazily he attempts to deliver the contrarian position on every single fucking thing. And in his Jack and Jill review he opens–in the very first sentence–by saying that Adam Sandler’s movies aren’t popular with critics because they “are not dumb fun.” They AREN’T? What are we even talking about here anymore?! This part of the review is also pretty solid:

In Jill drag, Sandler looks like young women you see on the subway; she’s a homely archetype Fanny Brice, Judy Canova and Martha Raye made popular. (Eddie Murphy also mastered this comic affection in The Klumps and Norbit.) Credit Sandler’s subtle feminine caricature—especially in dancing and athleticism—that avoids making Jill a clownish grotesque like Tyler Perry’s Madea. Perry’s drag is based in parodying ethnic shame. In Jack and Jill Sandler embraces rude, crude and earthy in ways that Tyler Perry wouldn’t dare. Or will he ever?

He compares the movie to Norbit and The Klumps as a GOOD thing? Sure he does. He’s a genius! Also, what is this shit about girls you see on the subway? What IS THAT?! “Sometimes you see ugly girls in the subway who look like Adam Sandler. I give these girls TWO THUMBS UP.” I am not sure if this is just weird, or nonsense, or both. In any case, Armond White has apparently been kicked off of Rotten Tomatoes now, which would seem like a bit of whitewashing by that otherwise objective compendium of critical thought if you could actually count Armond White’s thought as critical. It seems more bullshitty to me. And ridiculous. Although, in his defense, this IS pretty funny:

No pennies for your thoughts anymore, Armond White. We need those pennies to just drop on the ground and not even bother picking up!

Comments (40)
  1. I want to Charlie Kaufman my way into Armond White’s brain to see where he gets his ideas

  2. I have to admit, there is just something about the phrase Sandler’s subtle feminine caricature that makes me want to set something on fire.

    • What I want to know is how is Jill a subtle feminine caricature? Is it the sweat shadow she leaves on the sheets when she sleeps, or is it when she eats Mexican food and has a super loud shit? WHICH ONE IS IT?!

      Here’ s how Armond White writes, I think: “Hmm, that caricature is the farthest thing from subtle or feminine. I think I’ll say it is the CLOSEST thing, and also I’ll need my thesaurus.”

  3. When that commercial happened I recoiled in horror, but then started laughing because Al Pacino’s dance moves were very entertaining and I am easily amused by funny dances (RE: Steve Martin’s hip hop dancing around during the climax of Bringing Down the House, RE: Steve Carrell’s and Tina Fey’s striptease in the third act of Date Night, etc, – these aren’t the best films, but funny dancing is funny dancing is funny dancing).

  4. “All Sandler’s best comedies (Grown Ups, Bedtime Stories, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and the great Spanglish) are really love stories”

    He is so wrong! Spanglish is NOT one of Sandler’s best comedies.

    • However Adam Sandler’s best movies are either love stories, The Wedding Singer, or can be stretched to be love stories since he and his female costar have chemistry, Billy Madison
      Armond White is still insane though

      • Put Happy Gilmore on there too?

        I just realized neither Grown Ups nor “Chuck and Larry” are love stories at all. He’s not just being a contrarian; HE’S LYING!!

        • Of course! And maybe Big Daddy and the Waterboy possibly, definitely not anything Happy Madison Little Nicky or later

  5. oh no he DIDN’T just throw shade on Tyler Perry! OMG

  6. What if he’s right?

  7. Booo! Booo to posting huh-buh-whaaa’s to Armond White reviews!

  8. Also according to Mr. White… “The Jeff Dunham show was important tounge-in-cheeck commentary on how insidious mild racism and xenophobia can be in today’s society”, and “Savage Garden fucking rocked”.

  9. Hahahaha, I love how “Tyler Perry wouldn’t dare it” is used as a supporting argument here!

  10. Honestly, though. What are the odds that he actually believes the things he writes? 90 – 1? 10000 – 1? Fart – Pretentious cinema reference?

  11. I didn’t know who Armond White was until you posted this, and now, thanks to El Internet, I’m an expert. He called Wall-E “hideous”? Twilight is better than Let the Right One in? He says that he “tells it how it is” about a movie, which is basically what Hank Williams Jr. said about politics and Obama in his Fox News rant.

  12. This isn’t even half as good as Alpa Chino’s “Booty Sweat” in Tropic Thunder.

  13. Gabe, you left out the closing of his review:

    “Appreciation of roots and background is what gives the film’s overlong but uproarious Al Pacino subplot its basis—it’s both crazily romantic and a professional salute. That’s because Sandler knows how our plumbing works. Opposite day.”

    • Wait, this quote is from a professional (as in he gets paid for it) review? That’s like some iMDB comments section level of incomprehensible nonsense.

  14. Armond White wasn’t kicked off Rotten Tomatoes though, he was just being contrary with reality. The AV Club headline for that was pretty good, “Armond White claims he was kicked off Rotten Tomatoes for Jack And Jill review, is wrong”

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