As we all know, there are only 143 days until the re-release of James Cameron’s Titanic in 3D on April 6th, 2012. “AHHHH!” Right? That “AHHHH!” was supposed to be pictured as a frazzled woman with googly eyes waving her hands in the air, both due to excitement and the fact that there is NOT a lot of time left to plan out how she’s going to celebrate the release. AHHHH indeed, lady! If it helps any of you, I’m going to be throwing a pretty big party where you have to dress up as either Jack or Rose or any of the other characters, but it HAS to be obvious who are you or you won’t get into the party, and I’m going be serving ice cubes as an hors d’oeuvre, and there are going to be a million television screens and they’re all going to be playing Titanic, and as soon as you get there you have to pick a seat (there are going to be lots of seats) and watch one of the screens. After you finish your screening of the movie, you have to find me at the party and talk to me about the movie for somewhere around 30 minutes, and part of the discussion must be what you think seeing the movie in 3D is going to be like. Right when my guests think the party has ended, I will surprise them with the knowledge that we are all going to be leaving immediately to stand in line for the first local screening of Titanic 3D!!!! It will be a surprise because the movie won’t be coming out for a whole other week. No one will see it coming and it will go down in history as the greatest Titanic party of all time. Feel free to take any of my ideas and use them on your own, but not if you know me. If you know me (Gabe) you can just wait for your invite.

Anyway, what? OH! So, the poster for the 3D release of Titanic was released today. And it is BOOOOORING! Listen, we’re all SUPER excited for the 3D release of Titanic anyway (only 143 days away) so it wouldn’t take a lot to get us all excited about the poster but COME ON. I can hardly tell it’s going to be in 3D at all! But don’t worry, I fixed it.

Much better! Now we really know what we’re getting ourselves into. SEE YOU AT MY PARTY! (Via ONTD.)

Comments (47)
  1. Draw me like one of your posters, Kelly.

  2. “I want you to draw me wearing my 3-D glasses. ONLY my 3-D glasses.”

  3. I want you to draw me like the Titanic 3D Poster

  4. I hope this reboot (r3Doot?) doesn’t make stupid money. But it will. It will make the stupidest money.

  5. When the movie originally came out I was one of those people that entered into a pact with friends where we agreed to never watch Titanic. Well, a few years later we were sitting around bored one evening and someone was feeling crazy, and we all ended up watching watching Titanic. We all felt really dirty afterwords and never spoke about it ever again.

    So, I’m really happy that I can just pretend that my pact was to never watch it in 3D.

    • I hear that was the original plot of American Pie

    • i’ve still never seen it. once i was stuck in a hotel during a hurricane evacuation, and titantic was juuuuuust starting on the tv, and i chose to watch the last half of miss congeniality 2 for the umpteenth time instead. though that’s probably just as embarrassing.

      • You are one of the lucky few. I have a friend who has never seen The Matrix. He specifically goes out of his was to avoid it, because that is his whole thing. He’s the guy who’s never seen The Matrix. The two of you should get married and have babies who will never see The Hunger Games.

        • I tried to explain the Matrix to someone recently who had not seen it. I seriously didn’t even know where to start. I basically ended up accidentally quoting Morpheus’s explanation from that chair-and-TV-set scene. “So you know how this is the world that you know? Okay, so it’s actually part of an interactive simulation that we call the Matrix.”

  6. FINALLY, now we can reach out and grab Jack’s hand since ROSE APPARENTLY ISN’T CAPABLE OF DOING SO

  7. I like to pretend Titanic is just a Downton Abbey prequel.

  8. Do 3-D glasses break if you cry into them?

  9. Hollywood is just fucking with Roger Ebery at this point.

  10. Third class audience hopefuls will be turned away and given original 2-part VHS version of movie.

  11. “That’s one of the good things about Paris. Lots of girls willing to play paddle ball into the lens.”

  12. I heard they ran out of 3D glasses at the advanced screening for the cast and crew.

  13. What is Cameron thinking?! Doesn’t he know how much harder this will make it for Russia to pretend they’re exploring underwater?!


    • I imagine that some terrible person who is not me kind of hopes that they do a 3D effect that makes it look like the propeller is made of trampoline material so he launches back up towards the viewer before falling into the ocean. Once again, definitely not me who wants that.

    • a similar story: one time in college i got real high (college!) and went to the dollar theater see “a walk to remember” aka (SPOILER ALERT) the mandy moore dies of cancer movie. i don’t remember much about the movie, but i do remember that i started laughing quite uncontrollably during mandy moore’s tragic deathbed scene, and an obese lady tried to get me thrown out of the theater.

  15. Dear Rose,

    WTF was wrong with you lady? Move your fat butt over and make some room on that door for Leo. Come on…SERIOUSLY! How could you just let go like that?

    Love, Sota

  16. I was really young when I saw Titanic in the theater, and young people are horrible, but anyway, during the sexy scene I made a “boi-yoi-oing” boner sound. I think that I owe it to everyone involved to go back for the 3D version and not make that sound this time.

  17. Didn’t pretty much everyone see this movie through rose-colored glasses already?

    Thanks! I’ll be here all week! Because I’m unemployed.

  18. maybe someday they will rerelease star wars episode 1 in 3d. with like 100% more podracing.

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