Last week, Oasis’s Noel Gallagher made an appearance on Letterman to promote and play a song from his new solo album, Noel Gallagher’s Solo Album. (May not be the correct/full title.) It was all going bloody BRIL, until he had an encounter with Katie Holmes that left him chuffed to bits. LORRIES! He took to his blog at NoelGallagher.com to explain what happened:

We literally bumped into* that top Scientologist Katie Holmes on the way into the studio. We came out of the lift and bang, there she was.

Now at this point my mate Scully was doing a bit of filming for my website and managed to capture the moment. She did look a bit miffed at the various North-West accents and some vigorous handshaking, but there was no need to send one of her people over to demand the video be deleted! Un-fuckin’-believable.

Un-fuckin’-believable is right! FEUD! FEUD! FEUD! FUED! Of course, as celebrity blog entries about blossoming celebrity feuds often do, this one leaves us with MANY more questions than it does answers. Like, what was the vigorous handshaking all about? Were they shaking top Scientologist Katie Holmes’s hands vigorously, or each other’s? Or WHOSE?! And why did she want the video to be deleted so badly? And did she know who Noel Gallagher was, do you think? And how many Katie Holmes projects do you think Noel Gallagher could name, and do you think one of them would be Dawson’s Creek? And is Scully a first name, last name, or a nickname?! And finally, IS KATIE HOLMES THE MEANST PERSON ON THE PLANET?!?! Some possible answers after the jump.

  1. They were shaking each other’s hands vigorously, as it is customary to do in England to ensure a safe trip down the lift.
  2. Katie Holmes wanted the video to be deleted because as a Scientologist she cannot be captured on video without being properly compensated.
  3. Katie Holmes assumed Noel Gallagher was a musician because he was unkempt, at the Late Show studio, and being followed by a man with a camera. She couldn’t name his band, but if you played her Oasis’s music she would know it instantly.
  4. Noel Gallagher knows who Katie Holmes is very well but unfortunately cannot name any of her projects. It’s a shame, he thinks, that her life has been taken over by her current romanic and religious exploits. Then again, would she ever be talked about if it weren’t?
  5. Scully is a last name.
  6. KATIE HOLMES IS THE MEANEST PERSON ON THE PLANET!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Case closed. WHO’S THE SCULLY NOW?! (Agent Scully.) (The truth is out there.) (Via NME.)

*This has nothing to do with the story about how mean Katie Holmes is, but I just want to share that one time I literally bumped into Mr. Big from Sex and the City outside of the popular NYC theme restaurant Mars 2112. It was raining at the time and I was trying to get my broken umbrella to open and it was PERFECT. The end.
Comments (34)
  1. this whole feud can be settled if they just remember not to look back in anger

    • Or if he gets Russel Brand to poison her.

      • Okay, I hope this is just my usual gaggle of silent downvoters. You guys DO know that I’m not actually endorsing poisoning via Russel Brand, right? That Noel Gallagher’s most recent video had Russel Brand in it, and he tried to poison a lady in the video…it was in the Afternoon Links!

  2. Let’s not blame Katie for this one. Feuding is just a way of life for Noel Gallagher. Her literally does not know of any way to interact with other human beings that doesn’t involve feuding.

  3. Sounds like Noel’s looking back at the encounter in anger. He’s all “ahh Katie, Don’t go away.” Wonderwall.

  4. Oh, man, it’s the Pulp-Leah Remini thing all over again.

  5. UGH, what a total jerk. The 44 year old dude from Oasis just wanted to take some AWESOME behind the scenes flip cam footage for his new (READ: GOING TO BE BIGGER THAN THE BEATLES) band’s unfathomably rad weblog and then POOF OUR DREAMS ARE DESTROYED BY THIS TERRIBLE MONSTER :( :(:(

  6. She did look a bit upset about the hat and some vigorous watermelon handling, but there was no need to send one of her people over to demand the video be deleted! Un-fuckin’-believable.

  7. Tom Cruise would be s(th)uper pissed at this news, THAT’S WHY!

    • Maybe Tom demanded they retrieve the video because it was evidence that Katie found a way to get out in public without him. Maybe Tom Cruise is the meanest person on the planet?? “Mission Impossible Husband” is more like it! (In theaters, Summer 2012)

  8. In order to appear on your behind-the-scenes footage, Katie Holmes demands Mad Money.

    • Ironically enough, the 2008 caper film “Mad Money,” starring Katie Holmes, was itself entirely shot in a single elevator ride by Billy Corgan.

  9. She had to send her people over to make sure it got done quickly. She doesn’t want to wait for her life to be over before it’s deleted!

  10. She also had her people delete her role from the Batman franchise, likely because of Morgan Freeman and Christian Bale’s vigorous hand-shaking.

  11. There’s only one thing I love more than Doctor Who, and that is Noel Gallagher.

  12. Didn’t she portray a teenager in the ’90s? She knows exactly who Noel Gallagher is!

  13. Kelly, it is LITERALLY like you were in an episode of Sex and the City!

    No sarcasmo, I love this story.

  14. haha “the lift”

  15. Good grief, I wonder what my brain had to forget in order to make room for this news story. Probably just childhood bs.

  16. this sucks. he didn’t say anything mean about liam. why else would i have read this?

  17. Wild Bill  |   Posted on Mar 13th, 2013 0

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