A few months ago, Gabe shared a video from the TED conference that showed you how to tie your shoes like a genius, and he expressed a bit of confusion about what what the TED conference even is, and who even goes to it. The jury is STILL out on that question, along with this question that I’d like to add: When does it even happen? Always? Even when we’re sleeping, they’re awake and discussing ideas with each other in front of huge screens with powerpoint presentations on them? The world will never know! It’s a secret! SHHHHHH. Don’t even bring it up. But something that certainly is NO secret is that in October a tiny child gave a presentation at the TED conference about developing iPhone apps and it is the second cutest thing I’ve seen all day, and I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! Not only is he adorable like a normal child, but he’s also very smart and confident and good at public speaking and charming and my goodness! I’m not sure, at this point in my life, whether I should wish he were my own child OR that I were twelve and that he were my 12-year-old boyfriend. That classic “not a 12-year-old, not yet a mother” part of a lady’s life. (Though when I was 12 the only things I cared about were Nirvana, Eve6, guitar, Zac Hanson, A Tree Grows In Brooklyn, VERY large t-shirts, and the TV show Friends, so it’s possible that he wouldn’t be attainable for hand-holding and walking around the mall anyway.) Want to watch his presentation with me? Let’s watch his presentation!

You’re the best! You’re so smart! You have very good ideas about technology education and seem to be grateful enough of your seemingly quite privileged upbringing that has allowed you to get to this place in your very young life! Would you want to develop this app for me that I thought if that makes you solve puzzles when your alarm goes off, and the alarm doesn’t stop going off until you solve the puzzle? It’s a VERY good idea but I can’t find anyone to work with me on it and give me most of the profits. No one steal it, I’ve already mailed it to myself in an envelope! (Via Gawker.)

Comments (27)
  1. Someone get that kid a Stranger Danger app, stat!

  2. You’re off to jail, Kelly, but don’t worry–I’ll be joining you when the Hunger Games movie comes out.

  3. You misspelled “Isaac Hanson”

  4. genius kids always make me feel stupid. for instance, i know a 4 year old who does multiplication and plays chess….i’m 27 and had to look up how to spell multiplication so i don’t feel even more stupid in the comments section of a blog that shows cat videos and people falling off of trampolines.

    • A 5 year old I was babysitting once told me she went to bed at 7:30. When bedtime came around she wanted to stay up longer and told me that she “misspoke”, and that bedtime was 8:30. Needless to say, she received all of the candy.

  5. Thomas, do you recognize any of these items?

  6. Every other kid:

  7. Yeah, he’s all focused and smart right now, but wait until next year when he starts discovering boobs. It’s all going to go to hell.

  8. I call foul! This is just the actor who plays Carl on Walking Dead.

    • This is actually TEDx, which is like TED LARPING, or TED fan fiction. It’s a bunch of people who saw TED talks, were really impressed by them and thought it would be neat if they could be TED. That’s why you see a little kid talking about his iPhone apps instead of scientists talking about blocking infections by introducing false chemical communique between groups of bacteria, or the flawed nature of consciousness and reality due to the limitations of the brain.

  9. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • Boooooooooooooooooo

      • Posting this was like when you lock your keys in your car, but you see them on the seat as you’re shutting the door. A round of apologies to everyone, on the house.

    • i was waiting for the inevitable Sandusky joke…and the inevitable downvotes.

      you were a little late today, Joke Made in Poor Taste.

      • I’ll just see myself out the door for this week.

        • don’t go, you’re part of the team. we need you.
          After all, they didn’t fire, suspend, or even castrate Jerry Sandusky after what he did.
          in fact, dude still gets his pension checks.
          we’re gonna need a bigger downvote.

          • Kelly saw this comment and told Gabe, “I think I might have maybe saw Mailman making an inappropriate comment.” Gabe told Scott to look into Mailman’s commenting, see if there was any truth to this “inappropriate comment business.” Scott talked with Amrit and they decided to maybe just suspend Mailman’s account and ask him to comment a little less. Because if this comment got out there, Videogum’s entire legacy would be impossibly tarnished.

            Ten years later, everyone went to jail.

        • Are you accusing Kelly of being a Ginger? Low blow…

  10. Ugggggh …. I am so creeped out by genius kids and adult children. They are the worst for me. I think I am also jealous of them. If Ellen or anyy other morning talk show (I am looking at you Good Morning America) has them on their show I throw them shade. This one is not as bad as the “Kid Critic” (booo Camera Jackosn) or the one who names all the presidential facts, but he is pretty insufferable in his own right. GET OFF MY LAWN GENIUS KIDS!

  11. Kelly will Con-a-boy into taking her to his 8th grade prom!

  12. He could be the next Steve Jobs, only nicer and cuter.

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