I would never try to take the joy out of your job, sir. I understand that the days are long sometimes, and if you can get through it all a little more easily by putting to use your very well developed ice cream serving magic-prank skills then far be it for me to give you any guff about it. Have a little fun sometimes, let loose. I even understand that there is a segment of the population who enjoy incorporating “fun” pranks into their dining experiences, like those who invite people to go to hibachi restaurants. And these people — your target audience, I’m assuming — sit around the table and just wait and wait and wait until the guy comes over to fling a piece of shrimp at them so they can try to catch it in their mouths. “Oh, I hope they do the trick where it looks like he’s squirting a bottle at you and then a string comes out.” “I hope they do the thing where it looks like they’re going to throw a knife at you so you jump a little and get embarrassed, even though a person — who was just throwing real knives around THEMSELVES — just did a thing that could have definitely killed you if they let go of the knife, while you were just minding your own business and trying to enjoy a meal.” You know? These people exist for sure, and would probably love a good ice cream prank show while all of their friends watch and videotape them. But, for the love of God, CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE THIS GIRL HER ICE CREAM ALREADY?!

HOLY MOLY I don’t even want it anymore! I know I’m not the one in the video so it doesn’t even matter WHAT I want, but my gosh this has all been a little too much and I think I have to just go away now. Thank you for the show, really, you’re very talented, but I really have to go to sleep. I know it’s the daytime! I just really need to go to sleep! No I don’t want any ice cream, PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! (Via SayOMG.)

Comments (41)
  1. I think there’s a typo in the tags. You put “Istanbul” when it really should have been “Not Constantinople.”

  2. I definitely prefer my ice cream to come with a bit of sexual harrassment.

  3. Oh, so this is why we all scream.

  4. “I love coning videos on You Tube” — this guy.

  5. omg if I pay extra can I have them NOT do the tricks?

    • Trust me, that doesn’t work. I once asked an accordion player if he would go away if I gave him money. He smiled and nodded, so I gave him a buck, and he just kept playing! Turns out he didn’t even speak English, he probably just smiled and nodded at everything!

  6. The guy in the background seems to share the same sentiments as Kelly. “OH MY GOD THIS FUCKING GUY. JUST GIVE HER THE ICE CREAM THAT SHE PAID FOR. FOR FUCK’S SAKE. EVERY DAY WITH THIS SHIT.” You can see the frustration in his face.

  7. If I snatch it from him, do I get it free? If I put up with the whole routine, do I get it free?

  8. …thus revealing the trappings of Cold Stone’s original business model…foreigners.

  9. Oh, I love these jokes. Like when you start ordering something at a diner and the sassy waitress says “NO” really loudly. HAHA GREAT JOKE LADY, YOU JUST MADE MY DAY. But, to be honest she probably gets off on it and she’s working at a diner. I should let her have her fun.

  10. Customers who don’t tip get shot in the face with a Dippin’ Dots BB Gun.

  11. More like JERKISH Ice Cream!!11!

    is that offensive

  12. Aaaaaaaaaaaand that’s why you’re not in the EU.

  13. This is what I imagine a Cirque du Soleil restaurant would be like. It would take 20 minutes to order a salad. And everything comes with a side of whimsy. Ugh, the whimsy.

  14. Wow, I wanted to punch him in the face and he wasn’t even messing with MY ice cream. This would have been a very different video if I was (not?) on the receiving end of that cone.

  15. Turkish Ice cream is super weird. It’s like a combination of chewing gum and a vanilla shake.

  16. Growing up as a Turkish child I have always wanted to murder these assholes. I use plural because these guys pop up at every single touristic area around Turkey, fucking around with their cones all day. I’ve come to think it’s the only way these guys can get off.

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