FLASHBAAAAAAAAAACK! Traditionally, a flashback is used as a way to offer up previously unexamined information that might help to explain how or why the characters are behaving in a certain way in the narrative’s present. He is like that because his dad did the thing. She will never forget the time that she something or other. By retracing our character’s steps we can begin to map out where they might be headed, or at least make sense of the path. Not so on The Walking Dead! On this show, the flashbacks are empty and pointless and only tell us things that we already know. This week, we see many of the survivors stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Will they survive?! Yes, we know that they will. There’s Sophia, because if there’s one thing this show does not want you to forget, it’s that you’re supposed to care about Sophia for some reason. Here are Shane and Lori. Have they fucked yet? We don’t know! Probably not. You get a serious “they haven’t fucked yet but they are definitely going to fuck soon” vibe from this scene. Lori and Shane leave the group to get a better view of what is happening up ahead, at which point they hear helicopters and explosions and head into the forest (obviously) to get a better look. (Luckily, they are stuck in traffic right at the top of an impossible hill that gives them a perfect panoramic view of the entire city.) Oh no! They’re fire-bombing Atlanta! Shane holds Lori close. Slowly, with the explosions echoing in the background, and other refugees wailing around them, Shane and Lori begin to make tender love. END OF FLASHBACK. Thank God we know that they firebombed Atlanta now. Definitely explains why they ripped that fat zombie in half last week. (What?) (Who cares.) (This show sucks.) FLASH FORWARD:

Lori overslept. Hahha. Is that really a thing? She tells Sophia’s mom that she can’t believe she overslept and Sophia’s mom says “you must have needed it,” so clearly oversleeping is still a thing that we all agree is a problem but that every once in awhile it’s OK to do if you really need it. They hang up laundry on a line. Nice shorts, guys:

I know that it’s a Zombie Apocalypse and beggars can’t be choosers, but let’s also point out that season one began IN A DEPARTMENT STORE. I’m just saying, they have SOME options. Sophia’s mom says she wants to invite everyone to eat dinner together. Lori says it’s the least they can do. Is it? Where is the food coming from? You are going to invite the farmhouse people to a dinner in their own farmhouse cooked with their supplies? It’s almost TOO thoughtful. Sophia’s mom says it would be better if Lori extended the invitation because she’s Rick’s wife and that makes her, like, the First Lady. Yuck. Can we impeach Rick? And guillotine Lori? VIVA EL PRESIDENTE T-DOG! Meanwhile, Rick has unfurled the map and divided up the group to head back out into the woods to search for Sophia. Daryl is going to borrow a horse, get up on that ridge (you know the one) and see if he can’t spot her by looking out over the whole grid. That definitely sounds like a good plan. “Oh, there she is. It turns out we should have just been up on a ridge the whole time.” Someone makes a joke about Daryl believing in chupacabras. He spits back that they’re surrounded by zombies, which is a VERY good point. Maybe if we were still in the flashback, you could make fun of Daryl for believing in chupacabras, but I’m pretty sure at this point, chupacabras are about as realistic and believable as anything else. Oh, also some 17-year-old that we have NEVER SEEN BEFORE walks up and says he wants to help and that Herschel told him it was OK. Later, we will find out that Herschel did NOT tell him it was OK. This is a fun plotline. I’m so sad it didn’t take up more of this episode.

(The kid says that he wants a gun, but they won’t give him one unless he trains with Shane, a certified trainer. And Daryl says “Yeah, and people in hell want Slurpees,” which is a funny thing to say in a world where Slurpees don’t exist anymore. Daryl, at this point, EVERYONE wants Slurpees. And also guns.) Right before they split up, there is a VERY WEIRD slow-dolly product placement shot of a BRAND NEW HONDA?!?!?!?!

“Honda: BEHIND YOU!”

Glen is sitting on the porch, strumming on his acoustic guitar.

Can you even imagine? There are few things worse than walking out onto a porch and finding someone strumming on an acoustic guitar even NOW while the world is WHOLE and everyone is ALIVE and there are an infinite number of ways to ESCAPE. The farmgirl walks out and he tells her that he’s still got 11 condoms left. Smooth operator or smoothest operator? She says that he sees 11 condoms, she sees 11 minutes of her life she won’t get back. Ouch. That IS a pretty good burn. These two are the new Hepburn and Tracy. This hurts Glen and he is like “It wasn’t that bad, was it?” And she says “Look, I don’t know if I like you.” Hahahaha. The banter between these two is ELECTRIC. Glen tells her to think about it. Yeah. Think about it. Think about a) if you like him, and b) if you want to have sex with him exactly 11 more times.

Out in the woods, Grimes says that he knows the only way to get Shane to have a conversation is to talk about his high school sexual conquests. And he’s apparently right, because Shane definitely launches into a neverending monologue about his high school sexual conquests. Admittedly, considering that Grimes and Shane have the most INTENSE and TEAR-STAINED heart-to-heart conversations about love and family and friendship and survival and manhood and leadership and risk and reward on what appears to be a DAILY BASIS, I’d never realized how hard it was to get Shane to open up, but that’s probably just the editors doing their job. I bet each episode up until now has included a 15 minute Shane monologue about the girls he fingered in high school that we never even got to see. Naturally, as with most conversations about someone’s adolescent sexual experiences, this turns into an argument about Rick’s bullheaded insistence on finding Sophia. Shane thinks this is putting everyone in danger in order to save someone who is probably already dead, and that it’s not fair to the group. Good point, Shane. Grimes clearly feels guilty about not doing a better job of protecting her in the first place, which is fine, but he uses that as an explanation of why he thinks she’s still alive and why it’s definitely worth it for everyone to be looking for her, which doesn’t really hold up logically, but whatever, Grimes. And then, of course, the conversation just casually wanders back over to the gym teacher Shane bangggggged so hard her head fell off and they used it for pick-up game of crab soccer.

Daryl finds a doll in the river. It’s Sophia’s doll! (Five episodes in, boys. We found her fucking doll.) Then his horse gets scared by a snake and he is thrown off a cliff and pierces by his arrow and bleeding out in the river. He rips the sleeves off of his shirt to staunch the bleeding, which really only makes you surprised that his shirt had sleeves in the first place. Daryl? Is that you? I hardly recognized you with the sleeves. But then you tore them off and now I recognize you. He tries to walk up the hill but falls back down. Then he has a fever dream about his dead brother Merle, who tells him that he needs to get back up or else is a fucking pussy, and that when he gets back to the farmhouse he should shoot Grimes in the face.

He wakes up to find a zombie chewing on his shoe. He fights the zombie, who is actually a pretty good wrestler (?!) and smashes its face in with a stick and then pulls the arrow out of his body and loads it into a crossbow (?!?!) and shoots another zombie in the head. And then he manages to climb up the hill. HAHAHHAHAHAA. I’m not a doctor, but that is a VERY IMPRESSIVE RECOVERY! Near the top of the hill he sees his dead brother again. Also he is wearing a zombie ear necklace now.

Grimes heads back to the farmhouse and has a very serious conversation with Lori about how hard it is to make decisions or whatever. Honestly, I just can’t even DEAL with these scenes anymore. Grimes struggles with being a leader on a minute-to-minute basis. It’s boring! I don’t want to see how the sausage is led. And it doesn’t humanize him to show that he is vulnerable all the time because when he does lead it’s NOT VERY IMPRESSIVE. It’s not like, oh wow, the other side to this brave and heroic GOD LIKE CREATURE. He’s just a furrow-browed, quivery-voiced dude in a perpetually dirty shirt who can’t make a decision to save his life and who everyone inexplicably resents but also respects? Which is it? How does he manage to keep so much control over these people if every single one of them thinks that he is full of shit?

The ladies are cooking dinner and setting up tables and Herschel is NOT happy about it. He says they need to be setting clearer boundaries with these people because they’re getting too comfortable, which is totally fair. They ARE getting too comfortable. Then he asks what’s her name what’s going on with “the Asian boy.” A-ha. FINALLY! Now we are getting somewhere. She explains that he is a friend. “I wish he wasn’t,” Herschel the unabashed racist says. She says that she’s a little old for them to be having this conversation. Yes. It’s also a little bit too much the End of the World for them to be having this conversation. Guys! Everyone’s dead! Fuck whoever! Get crazy! Herschel says “Don’t get too close to these people. They’re not going to be around forever.” That is very ominous! And/or it suggests that Herschel and his family have found the key to eternal life, and he knows what an endless plague of misery it is to watch your loved ones die in your arms repeatedly forever and ever as their life cycle runs out and yours carries on through the ages. Too vague at this point. Hard to say whether he’s just a creep, or a living God.

Glen asks Dale if the women’s moon cycles have all aligned because everyone’s being weird, and Dale says to keep that theory to himself. Wait. I mean, Glen should definitely stop talking because Glen is a clown, but it’s not his theory. It’s pretty much proven that this is a thing that happens in close-knit communities? Maybe you should keep your EYES to yourself, Dale.

Daryl comes wandering back into the camp. Andrea sees him from her watchpost on top of the RV. “Walker!” she shouts. Everyone starts running through the field to kill the zombie. “Herschel wants to deal with walkers himself,” Grimes says. “Why? We got it covered,” Shane says. They explicitly tell Andrea not to shoot the walker with her rifle, but she keeps aiming at him anyway. Why? We know that zombies are not that hard to kill. You just smash their face in with literally any object you can find. It’s certainly not going to be a problem for THREE armed men. They pull up on Daryl and they realize it’s Daryl and their like Oh good, it’s just Daryl, and that is when Andrea still shoots him. Fucking Andrea. The worst. Always. So awful. I hate her so much. She gives this little grin that is like “I shot the walker. I saved the day.” Even though the three armed men who could have handled it themselves and who also clearly told her NOT to shoot, have been standing around TALKING to the walker for a full minute. Andrea. ANDREA!

Grimes shouts “NOOOOOOOO!” and now Andrea is like.

The worst. Dale comforts her on the porch and says that everyone wants to shoot Daryl. Don’t comfort her. She SHOULD feel bad. Why are you comforting her? She’s a piece of shit! Herschel hears the gunshot and comes running out and is like “what is happening here?” Incidentally, the whole thing about how he wants to handle zombies himself, which does have an explanation that we are about to learn (NO SPOILERS but we are about to learn it!) isn’t really dealt with. He does not raise any particular concerns about how they expressly disobeyed his request. Obviously. Because this show is lazy. Daryl is fine. He is just grazed. I mean, he’s not entirely fine. He has arrow holes in him, and bullet scratches on his face, and Grimes stole his zombie ear necklace. Give it back! MY EAR NECKLACE! Herschel does point out that he’s pretty surprised anyone in Grimes’s group has even survived as long as they have. Yes. No joke. Grimes thinks that Daryl finding Sophia’s doll is yet another sign that they should definitely spend forever looking for her. That’s fine. I don’t care anymore. But I do have a question: THE FUCK HELL KIND OF DOLL IS THAT?

Sophia’s mom is going to marry Daryl. Season three. Wait for it. Judge Dale presiding.

That night at dinner, which looks like a FUUUUUNNNNN dinner, with everyone sitting in gloomy hateful silence, and thank you to the ladies for even suggesting it, Glen is like “Anyone want to play this acoustic guitar?” GLEN! EVERYONE HATES YOU! Someone says that Otis was the one who could play the guitar. Haha. Good, I’m glad he’s dead then. The farmgirl slips him a note that says “Tonight. Where?” This is a weird note. It’s your house, and you are the one whose dad disapproves. How about we just say the location of your sex minute is LADIE’S CHOICE. He writes down an answer (I guess, we don’t see that part, this show is very economical in its use of time just kidding) and hands her the note and I guess she just shoves the note in her pocket and doesn’t read it for an hour and a half? Sure. Why read it? It’s fun to have all the suspense of not knowing what weird location Glen picked to fuck you on your own property. She opens the note:

Uhhhhh, Glen? We need to talk. Hahhaa. EVER DONE IT IN A HAYLOFT? That is the weirdest thing you can possibly write on a note asking you for a sex date. EVER DONE IT IN A HAYLOFT. Also, this girl is a farmgirl. YES, SHE HAS DONE IT IN HAYLOFT. Oh, Glen. But the girl’s face drops. Uh oh. WHAT’S IN THE HAYLOFT! It would be funny if Glen got to the hayloft and it was just filled with excited dudes with condoms spilling out of their pockets. “I didn’t want you to go into the hayloft because that’s where all my ex-boyfriends live.” Speaking of ex-boyfriends, the hayloft is just filthy with ZOMBIEEEEEEEEEEES! Hahhaha. AIN’T NO PARTY LIKE A ZOMBIE PARTY BECAUSE A ZOMBIE PARTY DON’T DIE!

It does seem worth wondering how on Earth this has been such a secret the whole time. I mean, they’ve been sleeping in thin nylon tents a few yards from the hayloft for days and no one has happened to hear the groans of two dozen zombies? No one has smelled them? They smell really bad. We know this because Glen holds his sex blanket up to his nose because of the smell. (He was clearly very determined to fuck in a hayloft at all costs. “It smells terrible in here, but as long as I cover my nose with this blanket, we can probably still get it done. It’s only going to take a minute anyways.”) The zombies start banging on the locked door trying to get out. But they never did that before? This is the first time they’ve done that? Good looking out, zombies. Very low profile. Glen runs out of the hayloft and right into his girlfriend. “Hey,” he says, “Why do you have a hayloft full of zombies?” he asks. “You weren’t supposed to see that,” she says. Hahahahhahahahahaahah. Yoops. EVER DONE IT IN A HAYLOFT?! FADE TO BLACK.

Next week: SOPHIA IS STILL MISSING.

Comments (120)
  1. andrea is giving kate from lost a run for her money in race for WORST CHARACTER IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION.

    • but seriously…

      completely pointless flashback opener yet again. seriously dumb way to illustrate how much shane supposedly cares about lori and carl. we get it.

      anything with daryl is awesome. i actually thought the merle hallucinations were well done. usually the show is pretty awkward and heavy-handed with stuff like that. it made no sense to have the zombie chewing on his foot when he woke up. by all logic, daryl should have awoken to his throat being torn out. but as long as daryl gets to keep living and being awesome, i don’t mind.

      ZOMBIE BARN! i wonder what’s going on in there. is hershel doing zombie experiments? can we just throw andrea into the zombie barn?

      • how come nothing in atlanta was burned up whenever we saw it? doesn’t napalm leave a mark?

      • ya, Daryl was hella lucky to bump into the two most incompetent zombies out there. Maybe the first zombie thought that he had time and could really enjoy the meal, starting with Daryl`s kodiak hiking boot. WRONG! Daryl is conscious, zombie. you die now. (also, i know they`re zombies and all, but their skulls cave in with remarkable ease. Daryl used a stick!)

        • Well, Daryl has hunted here and there, hasn’t he?

          And I know it sounds laughable in a sense, but I do believe that “you too can cave in a perfectly normal skull – with a stick!” …should you find your very life depends upon it.

      • I have a feeling the whole flashback was just so they could do some “cool” special effects again.

        • Yet at the same time the people defending the shows lack of Zombies cite Budget amongst the reasons for little action. How about some of that pointless prolouge money go towards centering the show back on what every damn episode in the first season was about, and not the bitch fest that season 2 is.

      • I’m hoping that’s how they explain all these random characters showing up. Like, Hershel is working on a cure but it only works for 24 hours so every now and then they give it to a zombie and let it out when they need an extra hand. That’s why he was so mad about them taking New Guy out. If he wasn’t back by sundown he would have turned back into a zombie and everyone would have been hip to his plans.

    • I too find Daryl’s scenes to be the most enjoyable. He’s the only character of worth who’s not in the comics (as well as Rooker’s Merl), and he’s played by (arguably) one of the more recognizable actors in the cast, having actually been in other stuff on the pop culture radar, most notably Boondock Saints.

      The stink of the show still gets on him, but at least his storylines are fairly straightforward and hard to derail. “I’m going out with my crossbow, maybe I’ll find something weird, then I’ll come back and tell you guys about it. The End.”

    • Last night, when I went through my weekly “I HATE ANDREA” rant, my boyfriend asked me if she’s my new Kate. I said, “You just put into words what I’ve been feeling for weeks.”

  2. the only place i’ve EVER done it is a hay loft.

  3. I’d honestly rather watch a show about the zombies in the barn. They’ve probably developed more believable/less annoying relationships than our group of assholes.

  4. They should rename this show The Talking Dead because all of these characters are so lifeleBANG.

    • The Talking Dead is the post-show chat show hosted by Chris Hardwick. Yup.

      • Speaking of The Talking Dead…has anyone watched it? It seems like they have cool people on, like Patton Oswalt and Aisha Tyler, but what the hell do they talk about?? At least the post-Jersey Shore show has something to talk about because there is some quasi-semblance of a developing plot between those dumbasses (stretching the definition of plot to its breaking point here). There should be a Taking Bad or or Talk Men or even Talking on Wheels, I’d watch those post-chat shows.

        • I caught the first episode of Talking Dead (so my judgment can’t be taken too harshly, as first episodes are always kind of rocky) and immediately saw it as unnecessary. If you have a 22 minute ‘discussion’ show to insert and sell eight minutes-worth of commercials around, at the very least it should have been much more of a discussion (like Politically Incorrect or something). The first ep had Patton and writer/director James Gunn on. They could have launched into all sorts of zombie-talk. Instead, as soon as anything would get started Hardwick would have to go to a commercial break.

          It was an inaugural episode and they didn’t have a whole lot to go on (Season 2, Episode 1, the END), so i understand the introductory nature of it all. But what kills me is a show like L O S T, which had some much buzz around it, got the occasional Damon and Carlton podcast. Ta-da. I’m not saying L O S T deserved more, I’m saying the Talking Dead is unnecessary, which is why I have not watched it to see if it has gotten “better.”

          • I’d argue that the reason the LOST podcasts were successful (and they did do them weekly by the end, just not always with Carlton and Damon), is because they used the podcasts to stoke viewers’ interests in the show’s various mysteries.

            The Walking Dead has the mystery of where Sophia is (no one cares), why are there zombies in the barn (this has basically been spelled out, Hershel is holding out for a cure and considering a cure will probably just result in the zombified dying, that is stupid), and what did the CDC guy say to Grimes (if this is what I think it is, I am going to laugh and laugh and laugh and then throw my TV out the window; anyway the show has not played this up enough for it to really be a going interest for most viewers).

            So the mysteries aren’t particularly discussion-worthy, the characters are mostly just plot-propulsion mechanisms, and I’m assuming they don’t want to talk about the comic too much soooooo….

          • “Stoking interest” = Exactly. With LOST, people were interested in the mysteries and the plot, and the Damon and Carlton spots were the best source for Q&A teasers/vague answers, which the fans would eat up (btw, my phrasing was deliberate about the podcasting frequency, as the non-Darlton ones were production/special feature stuff like “Nestor Carbonell has to wear eye makeup to HIDE his lashes, NOT accentuate them!” but yeah, they were totally a weekly podcast, with occasional appearances by only Damon and Carlton).

            Walking Dead is not a MYSTERY show (or at least it shouldn’t be, if that’s what they’re going for). Nobody should be actively wondering what caused the zombie apocalypse or how to cure it, ESPECIALLY not the characters in this show. They’re just survivors, and nothing more. It’s supposed to be a survival horror show. Make it hard for people to survive. Some barely make it by the skin of their teeth. Some don’t and it’s horrifying. Survival. Horror.

            You’ve got the Talking Dead dead to rights, willips. It’s a show about the show, not the comic, and the WALKING Dead may be hindering positive discussion on TALKING Dead by not being that great. Griping by the guests or host wouldn’t service the show, and that includes the kind of fun had on these VGum comment threads.

  5. Not much Carl, but that won’t stop me…
    CARL!

  6. i seriously hated that “otis played guitar” scene. zombie apocalypse, you know, EVERYTHING anyone ever mentions was liked by a dead person now. “Soccer, yeah, Jimmy liked soccer but he’s dead now. Mary liked plums but she’s dead now. Jazz fusion, Barry loooved jazz fusion, but he’s dead now.” shut up.

  7. I love how Lori woke up and checked her ALARM CLOCK. Something about that had me laughing pretty hard when I saw it.

  8. I’d like to think that the final line of the night–”You weren’t supposed to see that!”–is the writers of the show smuggling out a message, admitting their shame and despair at writing this garbage.

  9. I would have preferred if that flashback went on a little longer to explain exactly how the zombies defeated those helicopters, and the military as a whole I guess. Did they walk up to the U.S. Army/Navy/Airforce/Marines really slowly and gargle at them? Is that what happened? I would have like to have seen that in the flashback.

  10. I hate Andrea so much. Hopefully she kills herself from the guilt of shooting Daryl and everyone hating her.

  11. I found the Walking Dead writing team:

  12. THAT IS A HYUNDAI! The Correcting Dead.

  13. I enjoyed this exchange between rick and shane, in a conversation about finding sophia.

    shane:…you`re out saving cats from trees!
    rick: is that what you think sophia is, a cat in a tree *question mark* (broken `question mark` key. sorry.)
    shane: don`t do that man, don`t twist my words.

    Shane! You literally just compared sophia to a cat in a tree. Now I know you didn`t understand the difference between the words protege and prodigy, but…but…YOU LITERALLY JUST COMPARED HER TO A CAT IN A TREE!

    All of the awards to this show.

  14. The characters and plot of this show sound beyond insufferable. Granted, I hate zombie stories so I was never going to get that appeal, but there are no stakes, no likable characters, so this seems IMPOSSIBLE to like even if zombie stories are your favourite. Anyone who likes this show, let’s have a cup of tea while you explain the appeal to me because I have been lost since day one of this thing.

    • I will join you in that tea party, as I too fail to see the appeal in this show. Until someone gives me a legitimate argument against this, I will always see it as a generic zombie movie but instead of a movie it is multiple tv seasons.

      • At this point is only fun to watch so that I can come it trashed here and I am very much a fan of all things zombie. But to be fair most zombie things are not done well, it’s sort of the same curse of fantasy and scifi. Most of the time the people who make genre stuff are poorly financed idiots like Uwe Bol or something. Give a good writer/director some decent money and the results can be awesome. (Lord of the Rings, Blade Runner, 28 Days Later, Game of Thrones, Devil’s Backbone for random example)

  15. Is it just me or does Gabe find every opportunity he can to talk about finger banging?

  16. In Zombie-times, people turn into Zombies and Hondas turn into Hyundais.

    • haha. for how lazy my Cain picture was, the fact it received 18 upvotes solidifies it as the easiest way to currently get upvotes on videogum.com

  17. I have been a fan of the comic series since issue #1, and while it has its weak spots, it is nothing like this bad. I don’t get it. How hard can it be to write a TV series where the whole thing has already been written reasonably well for you?

  18. I seriously can’t watch this show much longer if Andrea continues to live. Every moment she’s on screen makes me wince and/or shout curse words so loud that I miss all the dialogue. FUCK YOU ANDREA!

  19. I was so conflicted with Daryl surviving. On one hand, it would have been terrible to kill the only interesting character, but also, if you’re going to shoot someone in the head, just kill them.

  20. My favourite part was when Hershel was like “You control your guys, and I’ll control mine” Hershel you dum-dum! you’re not controlling your guys very well! That’s the problem you silly shit.

    “We’ll just write this dialogue quickly and then go have a sandwich” – Walking dead writing team, constantly.

  21. Any chance that they could switch the focus and have stories about people we might care about? How are all those old people doing in that nursing home run by a street gang? Let’s check in on them for a couple of episodes.

  22. I don’t even care about the plot or the garbage characters anymore. I just watch to see if Shane will take his shirt off. I’m not ashamed of myself at all, no sir.

  23. Haha! “Fucking Andrea!” was the same thing my boyfriend yelled when she shot Daryl.

    And I noticed in this episode that Dale has really gross nostrils…

    • Holy shit! I noticed Dale’s nostrils this episode as well. It was that down shot they had on his face as he was talking to the seated Glenn in the motor home. I wouldn’t go so far as to criticize his nostrils for being gross, but they were definitely unique-looking enough to catch my eye.

  24. Ohhh, and why does finding Sophia’s doll prove that she’s alive? It seems more plausible that she’d be dead…why would she leave her doll behind? I’m sure she is alive (she better be after all these episodes), but still, the doll doesn’t mean anything

  25. It is impressive to write such a bad show. I just keep hoping it will be better one day ;)

  26. Why would they smell the barn? It’s not like it would be full of weeks (months? probably just weeks, right?) and weeks’ worth of zombie feces. It’s not like that at all!

    I DO want to see the TWD team tackle the controversial issue of zombie poopies, though.

    • AUTOMATIC FACEBOOK LOGIN DRIVING ME CRAYCRAY

    • I was just thinking about this the other day (I am SO SORRY) and I don’t think zombies poop (SEE? I’m sorry). Why would they? Their blood doesn’t flow, if there’s even any left in their veins. Blood delivers nutrients from the stomach/ digestive tract (I’m very scientific, and all this is very scientific) to keep the body moving. The body then gets rid of the waste. If a zombie has no moving blood, then how does it digest anything, and what use does it have for the nutrients? So if a zombie poops (if it still even has its guts) then it’s probably pooping out whatever it chewed up whole. And if the flesh can’t make it out of a zombie butt, then what i think would happen is it just gathers in their intestines until they become bloated and finally burst.

      At that point the zombies don’t die, of course. From that point on whatever they eat just falls out of their open, oozing stomach cavity.

      Make sense, right? Hello? Is this thing on (the internet)?

      • the latest response: this makes no sense why do they eat at all then and even if it falls out whole like, there would be stinky whole dead animals and peopleparts everywhere

        besides

        even

  27. So, wait. What was even the plot of this episode? A guy went out on a mission, didn’t accomplish it, and was almost — but not actually at all — killed when he got back? And then a different guy found a barn full of zombies, which was startling, but (also) no harm came of it? THAT IS NOT A PLOT. It’s barely even a series of unrelated and inconsequential incidents.

  28. Andrea shooting Dale was the stupidest thing on this stupid show. It may have been interesting if a) dudes didn’t go running to him first and stand there talking to him, and b) they actually had the balls to kill off Daryl. Which, I would have also hated but only because Daryl is a good and interesting character in a sea of bland idiots.

    But really that whole thing served NO purpose except Andrea continuing to be useless and annoying.

  29. NEXT WEEK’S CLIFFHANGER: the farm is crawling with zombies who heard Andrea’s riffle for the Zombie Partay call.

    FOLLOWING WEEK: All zombies walk up to Andrea to ask for their wristbands and she goes “I’m all out of wristbands!”. They eat every inch of her guts in an overly graphic scene that lasts 4 minutes and 23 seconds.

  30. OMG we are fleeing a city overrun by zombies!
    Grab everything we can stuff into our car!
    DRIVE FASTER! FASTER! LET’S GET FAR FAR AWAY FROM THEM!
    Oh, wait. There seems to be a traffic snarl up ahead.
    I guess we’ll just stop the car.
    Hmmm. Been 30 minutes and we haven’t moved an inch.
    Maybe we should get out socialize and calmly talk about stuff but NOT THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE WE’RE FLEEING and stand beside our cars on the SHOULDER OF THE ROAD WE COULD ALL BE FU*KING DRIVING ON
    So anyways, nobody is panicking or looking behind them down the road to see if any zombies are coming, so how about we leave my son here with these complete strangers and walk up who knows how far to the traffic snarl. Yeah, I know zombies could be right behind us but let’s leave my son here anyways. I’m sure he’ll be fine.

  31. Hello. I’m Darryl. I (still) like to wander toodly doodly doo through the zombie forest with a crossbow on my back with no arrow loaded up.

  32. Hey Glenn – we’re going out looking for Sophia but you don’t have to come you sit up there on the porch and play the guitar.

    • Hey, I’m Glen. I don’t really know how to play the guitar, but I like how it makes me feel to hold it, especially if I’m on a porch by myself. It makes me feel…cool. Man. Girls! They’re weird.

  33. Grimes: I know that clothing is scarce. Not that I understand why, because I don’t think people raided the local WalMart for the fashion, but anyway….So Grimes – please continue to wear your Sheriff’s uniform because you totally don’t look like a kid who just can’t wait for Halloween.

  34. When I saw the zombies in the barn, which we already knew was filled with zombies, all I really thought about was how they get new zombies in there. I mean, you open the door, they all run away. And it’s not like you can lug a zombie up the ladder and then toss him over the hayloft if you’re intent on like not harming or killing them.

    • Lasso around feet, carry upside down, lower them down into the pit?

      Horse tranquilizers?

      G20 riot police plastic hand tie handcuff thingies?

      Planet of the Apes nets?

    • Zombies must have some fancy super-vision because…..after spending a bunch of time in the dark barn, wouldn’t the zombies shield their eyes from the flashlight instead of just staring at it? Do their eyes adjust to light immediately? If so, that seems like a sweet upgrade I’d like to have.

      • Zombie super-vision sounds really great.

        I assume that Hershel has to feed the zombies, though, right? Remember how in Season One the camp got raided because the zombies were running out of food in the city? So, maybe they got all excited by the light just because someone throws food down from up there.

        But we’ve already established that the zombie palate is not friendly to spiced ham, so that means that Hershel would have to be throwing down live food (animals or people, either way) to the zombies from the hayloft. I find this surprisingly believable.

    • Zombie barn only really makes sense if the people were already in the barn and then turned into zombies. Maybe Country Vet had a Gimp thing going on in the barn? Cue the banjo music…

  35. So how many episodes left? I’m guessing 1-3 episodes of Glen dealing with the secret of the barn (who cares?) followed by someone else finding out through Glen, and his girlfriend being all mad at him so they dont have sex. a good 30-40 minutes will be spent on this bs. Once the rest of the crew find out about this, they confront Hershel. Hershel gives some long winded speech about never giving up hope in the ones you love, blah blah blah. it seems similar to Sophia (who the audience cares for about as much as the zombies in the barn), then that episode or the next they find sophia. Sophia is back with the gang, then something happens where the zombies get let out of the barn and terorize the farm house. We get one really good episode (maybe) of them boarding up the farmhouse and fighting off the zombies. A bunch of the farm folk die, maybe one or two of the main characters (bye andrea), replace her with glens girlfriend. they go back to the highway leaving the now wrecked farm house, start driving, Grimes gets on the CB radio, gives some long winded picard esque speech about keeping up the fight, and then END OF SEASON 2.

    Its become very apparent that season 2 is the farm house when it should have just been like 3 episodes. Rember when the first 6 episodes had like 100 locations and actions, and events, and zombies? The CDC episode was perfect. One episode, in and out, everything you needed to know, and very cool. all zombie stuff with the looming threat of the power dieing. Farmhouse has been 5 episodes already with no end in sight, no immediate threats, no immediate zombie storyline… It is the worst.

    • I think if these farm house episodes were intended to illustrate any specific point, it would be to illustrate the old way of thinking (Herschel), the extreme, new way (Shane), and the middle ground Grimes wants to walk.

      If the series is to progress on a theme akin to that of the books, then Rick will have to pick one over the other, then contradict his stance over and over as their situation gets more desperate.

      The farmhouse seems to be symbolic of the ‘honeymoon phase’ of the zombie apocalypse. “We’ll just chill here, look for a lost little girl in the woods, be boring and incorrigible, and then eventually zombies in a barn will force us to move on.”

    • My prediction for next week:
      Open on Glen freaked out at barn, everyone wakes up what’s happening what’s happening
      He shows them the barn, horny girl runs off and gets Herschel
      Herschel + 17 yr old boy + wife + horny girl come up behind Grimes + Co. with guns drawn.
      We will feed you to our cuzzins and grandkids so they can unlive until a cure is found.
      But oh no horny girl’s loins are burning too hot. She’s for Glen.
      She shoots Herschel.
      Zombies hear gunshot, freak out, escape.
      Everyone runs back to vehicles, drive away
      AND WE ARE OFF THE F*CKING FARM YAYYYYYYYY
      Or not.
      Probably not.
      Definitely not.
      Farm forever Dammit©®™

  36. Vote for T-Bone!

  37. I just noticed the title of this post. Either I’m slow, or…

  38. This show has become so terrible… yet I can’t stop watching. It’s like some trick where they make me think that the characters can’t possibly become more annoying and/or asshole-y or the dialogue more corny and boring but they do/it does.

    Perhaps some kind of evil genius? It’s like bad crack or something. It definitely makes me angry watching it so they are technically eliciting some sort of emotion from me.

    Also – is it just me or are they really playing fast-and-loose with the southern accents? Grimes is all over the map, and half of the people that ostensibly grew up on a farm or suburb in Georgia have no accent whatsoever, or only sometimes? I am a certified Armchair American Accent Scholar and the whole thing just confuses me.

  39. They should bring in the detectives from The Killing to tackle this whole ‘What happened to Sophia?’ mystery.

  40. Maggie is really Sophia from the future, isn’t she?

    The Sheryl Crow girl with the Jennifer Anniston haircut is named Maggie on the show, right? Likes to do it in hardware stores? Rides a horse? Hits zombies with bats? Maggie?

  41. Ten bucks says religion will be talked about on the next episode, when the creepy veterinarian is forced to do some ‘splainin’. I hope I lose my ten bucks.

  42. Also, I’m in agreement that the zombie chewing on the shoe debacle was indeed a debacle. Really zombie? Who chews on a shoe? Please.

  43. I have been reading the comics and already knew the barn was full of zombies and surprise one guess who they are

  44. Season one was so much better than this season.
    It is very frustrating to watch it going down hill like this.

    I just hope it gets better and they do something about the writer team. This team absolutely bombed season 2.

  45. Wait – no comment on the disappearing/reappearing dirt on Darryl’s face during his fever dream? That’s some of the worst editing I’ve ever seen!

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