This week, there is a movie trailer that really might surprise you! At least as far as the trailer is concerned, this looks like the one 2 beat. Very fun and exciting trailer. And you probably don’t even know which one it is. (SPOILER ALERT: it’s NOT the trailer for the Roger Corman documentary, even though that still looks GREAT.) I’m just saying, life is full of surprises. Never lose your childlike sense of wonder. Let’s just have fun for once.

Snow White and the Huntsman

Whoa. WHOA! What just happened? Did the Kristen Stewart Snow Fucking White movie just step forward as the most fun looking movie in almost forever? Because BING BONG this looks GREAT! Not sure how that happened and never saw it coming, but happy that it did.

A Thousand Words

Sure. I mean, no, obviously, but whatever. This looks like an only mildly less offensive appropriation of Hindu spiritualism than The Love Guru. Although I’m actually pretty sure this is just a movie about Starbucks? There are, like, 10 scenes that take place in Starbucks just in the trailer alone! We will all find out whether or not this is actually just a movie about Starbucks on opening weekend when we all go see it, I’m sure.

Journey 2

If I begin to comment on this I might never stop, so can we just agree to leave it at “no comment.” Seriously, it could take forever.

Safe

Twice a year, we gather around the movie screen to watch Jason Statham waste a dude. Sometimes he is getting revenge for a murdered accomplice, and sometimes he is protecting an “innocent.” It’s really not that important. Get em, Jason! Punch em! THE NUMBERS ARE A SEQUENCE!

Corman’s World: Exploits of a Hollywood Rebel

There are very few types of documentary that I like more than the showbiz documentary. So many outrageous accounts of insane backroom deals! Hobnobbing with the stars! Love it. Will probably love this.

Comments (35)
  1. How lucky are the “Snow White and the Huntsman” producers that Jon Huntsman definitely won’t be the Republican nominee in 2012?

    It’s like, imagine how alienating it would have been in 2000 to see a movie called “Snow White and the Bush”… Actually, never mind.

  2. Journey 2 The Center Of Boogaloo

    • I’m going to see this, probably opening day. I’m not ashamed. I love the Rock and I love these insanely big-budget movies about shiny things. I’ve seen Journey To the Center of the Earth at least six or eight times and I totally regret not seeing it in the theater. My mom saw it in 3D and took my grandpa and said he would reach out to grab the butterflies when they got to the center… OF THE EARTH. It was a very entertaining film! Plus… PEEEEEEETA.

      But why didn’t Brendan Fraiser want to be in the sequel? Kelly, is this one of your questions? It is definitely one of mine.

      • YAYYYY I was going to be sheepish in admitting my love of Dwayne The Rock, but now I’m following your lead, and I will OWN IT!! And the kid is still all right (aka Peeta). Good stuff. Also, I would like a puppy sized elephant please!

        The story about your grandpa is very cute and it makes me feel happy about the world. Don’t know precisely why but it’s true.

  3. I dunno. I didn’t have any sound, but that Snow White trailer felt like a lot of “DARK AND GRITTY REIMAGINING OF SHIT YOU’VE ALREADY SEEN!!!” and the “from the producers of Alice in Wonderland” certainly didn’t help.*

    The visuals also kept reminding me of The Cell which kind of keeps me away from movies too.

    *I’ve never understood why movies brag about being from similar producers. It seems silly because it’s basically saying “From the people who gave this other movie a lot of money and probably had very little to do with it creatively except for maybe making it a little more pandering comes another movie they’ve given lots of money to and probably made a little more pandering as well!”

    • You should watch The Fall, from the guy who made The Cell.

      The Cell will still not be a good movie once you’re done watching The Fall, but you’ll be like “huh, The Fall is FUCKING AMAZING and I can kind of have a bit more appreciation for what Tarsem was going for in The Cell.”

  4. I saw that Snow White trailer yesterday and just LOST IT. But now I’m worried that the movie is 90% Kristin Stewart looking pensive in the woods, and we’ve already seen most of the Queen’s stuff.

    But oh man. THAT MIRROR, YOU GUYS.

  5. “You are the fairest. But there is another destined to surpass you. If she washes her hair.”

  6. I dunno, that Snow White movie looks like it’s for british eyes only

  7. How do we start a blog chant for Gabe to do his commentary on Journey 2? It’s been a bleak week and we all need a laugh. (Mini elephants!!! Hehe.)

    Gabe…
    Gabe…
    Gabe…
    Gabe…
    Do it…
    Do it…
    Do it…

    Take the journey!

    (I’ll see myself out now.)

  8. And, Snow White does look good! Never saw that coming. Charlize looks deliciously evil. Can’t wait.

  9. After that Snow White movie comes out I fear that everything good in my life will have to be compared to the Charlize Theron Milk Bath and I’m not sure anything can live up to that.

  10. How come all fantasy movies have to have that LOTR panning helicopter shot of a band of journeying gnomes/dwarves/elves/people walking along a ridge/mountain while the music swells?

  11. Uh, can I start the discussion on Journey 2? I’m gonna go ahead and start the discussion on Journey 2.

    The name of the mysterious island is MYSTERIOUS ISLAND? That is the laziest naming of anything since “unobtanium” in Avatar.

    Exec 1: Hey, the movie’s finished, but we need a name for the movie’s mysterious island.
    Exec 2: Uh… how about… Mysterious Island?
    Exec 1: You’ve done it again, Jerry! This is why we pay you the big bucks! Cut, print, send it to the Academy!

    • Okay but “The Mysterious Island” is actually the name of the Jules Verne book that this is… based? on? in some fashion? But in the book, the titular mysterious island HAS a name, it’s “Lincoln Island” (you have to say “Lincoln” with a French accent, because it’s funnier that way.)

      AND ANOTHER THING — Michael Caine in this movie has been looking for Jules Verne’s Mysterious Island for half of his like, but the Island blows up at the end of the book? So this grandpa apparently believe that Mysterious Island is non-fiction, except then Verne added a FAKE ENDING in which the island is destroyed.

      GUH WHY AM I EVEN THINKING ABOUT THIS.

    • Well, that’s obviously Jules Verne’s fault.

  12. I love (I hate) how trailers always gotta use the most hyperbolic statements. “This is the most dangerous place in the ocean.” “Luke Wright is New York City’s hardest cop.” Yes. Because there is definitely a rating system for those things and a way to know exactly what the most “adjective” thing is at any given time.

    • Hardness is reserved as a measuring system for dicks and diamonds. How can Luke Wright be NYC’s hardest cop unless they’re referring to the rigidity of his penis? I firmly believe that there is an annual hardness competition for the nation’s police force and that Jason Statham could take home that swell trophy.

      • Wow this is really THE PERFECT STORM of comments.

        (I want to put everyone who says “the perfect storm” in public discourse to be put in jail.)

  13. Gabe, don’t be coy. You suddenly love the Snow White trailer because your beloved Thor is in it. I know how this works.

  14. Charlize Theron and being draped in stuff, especially gold stuff! Jeez.

  15. My favorite part of the Snow White trailer is the part where they didn’t let Kristen Stewart – the star of the movie – say even one word.

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