Lots of Oscar news, you guys. This is so exciting! It’s like the time all those Chilean miners were trapped in that well and you didn’t know whether they were going to make it out alive or if all of their children would be left as orphans and no one had any idea WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT. It’s almost exactly like that. Except, you know, without the whole horrifying threat of mass death, and criminally negligent working conditions in a notoriously dangerous industry, and the impossible image of being sealed in a narrow, hot coffin a hundred miles from the sun. But with more egomaniacs and celebz and back pats and champagne and tuxedos and plush, institutionalized self-congratulation. Otherwise: the same thing. Anyway, just a few hours after it was announced that Brett “The Human Toilet Mouth” Ratner was out as producer, that power vacuum has already been sealed by one Mr. Brian “The Human Sonic The Hedgehog” Grazer who has agreed to taking over producing duties. Nikki Finke, reporting on her Deadline blog, lays it on a little thick.

For Grazer to take on the Oscars demonstrates a dedication to the movie community that I hope the Academy won’t soon forget. Grazer’s name frequently comes up for the Irving G Thalberg Memorial Award, the most coveted Oscar honor for anyone in Hollywood, and almost received it for the 76th annual Oscars. So maybe sooner rather than later it should be Grazer’s turn for the Thalberg. I say give it to him next year.

Jebus H. Xmas, TAKE IT EASY. Brian Grazer is a powerful Hollywood producer with a well-respected entertainment media conglomerate behind him and he is about to produce the Academy Awards as a FAVOR. Dude is doing great. I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve The Jew Oscar or whatever (sorry, Irving G. Thalberg, but come ON) but, you know, his time will come when his time comes. And this whole you hoping the Academy won’t soon forget, like, what are YOU worried about? Nikki Finke is gonna be sooooo pisssssssed if the Academy forgets what Brian Grazer did for them. Because she is his girlfriend.

OK, but so, as civilians, no one ACTUALLY cares THAT much about who is going to PRODUCE the Oscars. We want to know who is going to HOST the Oscars! Because we’re unwashed rabble! We suck! Grazer says we’re not getting Eddie Murphy back, which always sounded like a pretty sketchy idea if you ask me (ask me! “Did it always sound like a pretty sketch idea?” Yes) unless Eddie Murphy was going to host the whole thing in a rotating series of fat suits. But, so, now the latest name being “tossed” around is, uh, wait, The Muppets? Sort of.

Again, Nikki Finke:

With freshly picked Oscars producer Brian Grazer now looking for a host, one of the first calls some people suggest he make is to The Muppets. A Facebook page has been advocating for the Muppets to host the Oscars since February 28th and now appears to be gaining traction with today’s departure of Eddie Murphy. Quite a few Deadline comments echo the sentiment. But The Muppets? Really? Disney owns both the Muppets and ABC, which is the network that broadcasts the Oscars and just happens to have a new movie starring Jim Henson’s creations releasing on November 23rd. Can you smell PR stunt?

OK, so no one is actually suggesting the Muppets should host the Academy Awards? It is just a marketing campaign exploiting people’s love of Facebook media campaigns? Fine. These guys know what I’m talking about:

But I do love, once again, the slight twinge of self-righteous indignation at the end. “Can you smell PR stunt?” HAHAHAH. Yeah, I can. It’s called THE ACADEMY AWARDS. Everything in Hollywood is a PR stunt. And Deadline Hollywood is a blog dedicated to being the first person to bring you that PR. Here is a sampling of yesterday’s (non Oscar buzzzzzz) posts:

‘Anderson’ Talker Renewed For Season 2
Jeff Probst’s Syndicated Daily Talk Show Closing In On Deal With NBC Stations
Hot Trailer: ‘Corman’s World: Exploits Of A Hollywood Rebel’
Morgan Freeman To Receive Golden Globes’ Cecil B. DeMille Award
Amazon Unveils Media Apps For Kindle Fire

Can YOU smell PR stunt?! WHAT A BUNCH OF BALONEY! (Why is this making me more angry than everything that farted out of Brett Ratner’s mouth?) It’s all a PR stunt! Shoot your television! Eat your pets! We’re going to war! WARKA-WARKA-WARKA! (Fonzie the Boar.)

Comments (37)
  1. Shall we start taking bets on how many parody trailers they are going to make for 2012 Oscars?

    • …although the whole “nobody-knows-how-many-Best-Picture-nominees-there-are” gimmick could get interesting.
      “So, how many nominees will there be?”
      “1! Ah, ah, ah! 2! Ah, ah, ah! 3! Ah, ah, ah…”

    • Everything will be going fine until they debut their In Memorium parody trailer, then the Academy will be back at square one.

  2. #birdie4host

  3. Get back to me when there’s a campaign to have the Garbage Pail Kids host the Oscars. Then I might be more interested.

  4. Just have Stephen Colbert tell Lorne Michaels that he doesn’t need SNL, but he is moving on to Hollywood.

    Colbert for host with a special guest appearance from Amy Sedaris. Who wouldn’t love that?

  5. Funny enough, the words coming out of Brett Ratner’s garbage mouth are one of the few things in Hollywood that AREN’T a PR stunt.

  6. The Muppets hosting the Oscars might actually get me to watch the Oscars. Just being real…

  7. So Tower Heist director Brett Ratner steps down, then Tower Heist star Eddie Murphy follows suit in some sort of misguided attempt at loyalty. THEEEEN. we get Tower Heist producer Brian Grazer stepping up to take the helm. YIKES! I’m frankly starting to think this is all a big PR stunt to get me to care about Tower Heist.

  8. The Jew Oscar

    (dot com.)

  9. As much as I haaaaaaaated it when the commenters on another blog did this in a ‘who should host the Oscars?’ thread….

    Gabe and Max Love The Oscars. You know it’d be fantastic.

  10. How can The Muppets host The Oscars? I thought he already IS a muppet…

    • Are the Sesame Street Characters technically Muppets? I know there’s a tiny bit of overlap there, but I’ve never really thought of Oscar and Cookie Monster as Muppets. In my mind, you had to actually be on the Muppet Show to be Muppets. Puppet? Certainly. Muppets? That’s kind of a gray area. Can we get a ruling on this?

      • I always thought they were muppets, lowecase m.

      • They are all Jim Henson’s Muppets. Basically any puppet that was created by Jim Henson’s Muppet Workshop are Muppets: Fraggles, Bear in the Big Blue House, Sesame Street, etc. There is also the Jim Henson’s Creature Shop that made, like Dinosaurs and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Farscape which are NOT Muppets.

        Also if you want to be technical a lot of Sesame Street Characters DID show up on the Muppet Show… including Big Bird, and Ernie and Bert…also most of them showed up in the Muppet Movie as well.

        HOWEVER, now Disney owns all the Muppets EXCEPT the Sesame Street Muppets which are owned by, like the Children’s Television Workshop and the Fraggles (for who could own a creature so free?). This is why the Kermit skits were all taken out of Sesame Street

        Also Disney holds the trademark on the word “Muppet,” and I think it IS supposed to be capitalize……and i thank you for letting me be boring.

        • I really appreciated this. I knew half of it, but not all of it. I wondered what happened to Kermit. Now it all makes sense. (And that kind of explains the Elmo insanity on the Children’s Television Workshop as I’m guessing they needed to make merchandising money as well… Because didn’t the big Elmo push happen around the time the two separated?)

          • Apparently (and i am reading this right now on Muppet Wiki backslash Elmo) a writer just took a shine to Elmo and started using him regularly.

            I remember back in the early nineties (late eighties? who knows. #2old) one of the first characters to actually SEE Snuffleupagus besides Big Bird WAS Elmo (Snuffy used to be Big Bird’s imaginary friend and every time Big tried to show him to anyone else Snuffy would remember something back in his cave and disappear so Big Bird seemed like Big Fibber). anyway that’s the first time i really remember Elmo being Elmo…with the voice and all that…but he’s been around forever…he was even in the background in Follow that Bird.

            Anyway: “Elmo is popular because Elmo is Red.” – Kermit Love, Muppet designer

          • I remember that episode. And no one believed Elmo either. Wasn’t it kind of an arc over a week’s time when everyone saw Mr. Snuffleupagus? I believe that was when I learned how to set a VCR so I wouldn’t miss it. I would get SO MAD that all the adults thought Big Bird was lying.

            Oh wow, I remember when he was called Baby Monster. I guess this means it’s time to start taking Boniva.

          • Also I think the Elmo mania is general mania by tiny humans for any character that speaks in the third person. I remember my cousins going through this with something on Barney (cousins that are now in college) and now my friends’ kids are insane about Elmo or Dora.

            Or it’s that the characters seem more annoying because they speak in the third person. Like Herman Cain.

  11. Also, how soon do you think Ricky Gervais took to get on the line with his agent when he heard Eddie Murphy dropped?

    He’ll play it cool, but you know he wants it so bad he almost started praying.

  12. Here’s an idea–Muppet Betty White hosts the Oscars.

  13. No joke I was just stuck underground in a train for an hour (for the 2nd time in 3 months; both brake failures). There was no communication from the conductor so people were freaking out and I literally heard the tail end of a sentence “….Chilean Miners up in this bitch.” So I can identify with this post more than anyone.

  14. That image of Statler and Waldorf is my new favorite image.

  15. Uh, I am seriously suggesting that the Muppets host the Oscars. I have made phone calls and everything.

  16. I’m nervous about the Muppets. It seems a lot easier to make parody Muppet trailers than it does a quality movie. And one of the things that makes them so great and timeless is their biting satire (or what was biting satire for the time)… and I just don’t know if the subversive elements are in place anymore.

    I just really don’t want this movie to be bad. I really do not. I can’t handle any more crap with the Muppet name affixed to it. All the movies made with their name after Disney bought the company have been terrible. Muppet Christmas Carol was sort of okay… but it really was not. Not if you put it up against anything made when Jim Henson was still alive. I just watched the Great Muppet Caper a few weeks ago and hot damn, it holds up. Like *really* holds up.

    • But Gabe’s right. The Oscars are useless. Let the commercial be a commercial.

    • The first three are of course in a different realm…but i do like the two Storybook movies a lot? like I HAVE to watch the Muppet Christmas Carol EVERY YEAR and it is my favorite adaptation of The Christmas Carol since Scrooged/ever. ( I am actually singing the songs in in my head/humming them out loud now. PENGUINS! )

      I feel like this new Muppet Movie is not going to be great…maybe even really bad! BUT with expectations this low it can only exceed them? right? RIGHT?

      • What are the Storybook ones? I became personally offended at Muppet Treasure Island and had to be force fed a lot of nog to deal with the Christmas Carol. It’s good in the way that I didn’t walk out on it, but it just relies on the tropes.

        I like that the first three dealt with character development, even though the characters were incredibly well established. Kermit losing his identity and becoming a business frog is just amazing. The fashion/feminism jokes in the Caper still work. Fozzy telling the fancy people that if you add enough sugar to the champagne, you can get it to taste like ginger ale is one I use to this day when I’m writing about wine. And it’s a basic fact that the Muppet Movie is perfection.

      • Honestly I don’t know if it will be good or not. I have no expectations at this point, but if Jason Segal can get a couple dick jokes in… at least Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem will be pleased.

  17. Kermit just called me a fag.

  18. Billy Crystal will once again host the Oscars. Just reported:

    http://www.deadline.com/2011/11/billy-crystal-in-oscar-hosting-talks/

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