Yesterday, America’s Bride, Courtney Stodden, appeared on Dr. Drew’s new show (Prologue: Dr. Drew has a new show) called Dr. Drew’s Life Changers (what?) to FINALLY lay to rest the hot-button debate of whether or not she has breast implants. SCREEEEEEEEEECH! Sorry. Had to put the brakes on. Who asked for this? SHOW YOURSELF, COWARD! (As a follow up question I would like to know who let Dr. Drew out of GARBAGE JAIL?! Do we really want pieces of shit like that roaming our streets and getting new shows?) Anyway, a professionally trained ultrasound technician put a blanket over Courtney Stodden’s chest and proceeded to palpate her (or something) on giant studio monitors while Dr. Drew put on his Doctor Face and Courtney’s 510-year-old husband, Doug Hutchinson, bit his knuckles. Everyone takes it so seriously as if this is a real thing! I’m not sure if there are Academy Awards for fake health-based afternoon reality TV show broadcasts, but if so, I’d like to nominate Dr. Drew for The Worst.

Of course, the real heroes in all of this are the members of the LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. Way to spend your afternoon guys. Really doing it. If only your parents (who died of shame, I’m sure) could see you now.

Congratulations.

Comments (56)
  1. Soooooo….. are they real or… what? fake? 100% filled with space monster ectoplasm?

  2. Glad to know it’s legal to inspect an underage girl’s breasts so long as you do it on national television.

  3. Well at least our long national nightmare is over….or has it just begun?

  4. So, after watching this, do we wait for the authorities to find us, or should we just report to our nearest jail?

    • so after watching this, i want to know what the small round thing they saw was. she should probably have that checked out.
      but yeah, heading off to jail now.

  5. Next week on Life Changers Dr. Drew who is definitely a licensed medical doctor performs a truthpandectomy on Herman Cain

  6. This doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of all the questions I have about Courtney Stodden. That wasn’t even in the top 100 questions I have.

  7. maybe the next show they can do an ultrasound to see if they can find Dr. Drew’s integrity.

  8. The third congratulations picture is probably my favorite thing ever.

  9. Aaaaaaaand winner of best face goes to…

    • i was kinda like

      • I know this gif is a classic videogum meme and I know some people have protested its use, saying it disturbs them to watch an actress fake blow her fake brains out.

        But what really disturbs me is that every time I see that gif it just reminds me of the day my friend and I went to a double feature of Hollywood’s new, trendy 1930′s murder mystery movies: Hollywoodland and the Black Dahlia.

        That was a dark day (but to be fair to Hollywoodland, Ben Affleck and Adrian Brody– Black Dahlia was BY FAR the WORST of the two and also a lot of other films and also MOST films ok ALMOST ALL THE FILMS).

        So that’s why I hate that gif.

        The end.

        • People are disturbed by this? This has to be one of the goofiest on-screen deaths I’ve ever seen. I had no idea it was from a (supposedly) serious movie when I first saw it.

          • actually, in searching for this gif, i found a comment thread where people were disturbed by it. not so much disturbed by the image, but bothered by people making light of suicide i guess. but I’m with you, its pretty goofy…it looks like a cartoon.
            but the counterpoint is, don’t kid about killing yourself because you watched a video exploring the authenticity of Courtney Stodden’s underage breasts, because some people really do kill themselves, though probably not for watching this video.

  10. Too bad there is not an ultrasound machine they can use to determine whether their marriage is real or just a sad and pathetic attempt at becoming reality TV stars. Wait is there such a machine?

  11. Daintily deducing the delectable definitiveness of my delightful DD’s with Dr. Drew! Mrrrrwwwrrr!
    -@CourtneyStodden

  12. ugh, gahhhhhhh, gruuuuuhhhh, fuuccckkkinnnngggg hellllllll.

  13. I’m not going to watch this because I don’t feel like getting fired and also arrested today, but I’m finding it nearly impossible to imagine a scenario related to this that would result in applause. Her boobs are fake! *applause* Her boobs are real! *applause* Surprise, everyone here gets a free boob ultrasound! *applause* Courtney Stodden just moved her mouth at you! *applause*

  14. Whenever I see Courtney Stodden, no matter what she’s doing, my immediate thought is “No you’re not.”

  15. And with that the teenager wearing clown makeup and high heels finally proves she’s real.

  16. This one is definitely the worst to me because this girl is the only one who genuinely seems interested/excited about the subject. Everyone just seems to be smiling and clapping in case they end up on TV/screencapped on Videogum.

  17. I am so confused…

    Technician: “There’s a foreign object under the muscle…”
    Doctor: “Congratulations, you do not have implants!”

    How is that the conclusion?

    • Yeah, this is literally the least conclusive Dr. Drew II (Implant Investigation, for those not in the know) ever done. It’s like, you are accusing her that they are fake, and then you’re like “but they seem pretty natural near the top, so that’s that!” Dr. Drew used to be an IPI (Implant Private Investigator) with some actual credibility in the early 00′s, but he has completely sold out these past couple of years.

    • Your breasts are real, but I’m afraid our ultrasound investigation discovered a pair of car keys lodged inside the one on the left. Also, the right one appears to be melting under the studio lamps.

  18. next, she will go on Anderson Cooper and get tested.

  19. I was under the impression that she was just a robot built by her husband to keep him company or something weird like that. Dr. Drew is probably just messing with us and was just replacing some old wires. I mean, that ultrasound looks suspiciously similar to the inside of my hair dryer. And EVERYONE knows how annoying both of them are when someone turns them on.

  20. Doug was THIS CLOSE to leaving Courtney just then:

    “You have implants? What else did you lie to me about? What about your hair, face and tan, huh? Are you even 16 years old???”

  21. This day in history: November 7 – The entire nation participated in the first mass-molestation of a teenage girl, 2011. (everyone reads the History Channel website, right? Of course you do.)

    Also, where’s that sneaky Casey Affleck? This as an ‘I’m Still Here’ feeling to it, only, you know, more molestery.

  22. What about her face? Who cares about the boobs, I refuse to believe that her face is real!

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