A hundred years ago, I went to the movies with some friends of mine and there was a trailer for the Joe Pesci, Danny Glover vehicle Gone Fishin’. In the trailer, Joe Pesci and Danny Glover leave on a fishing trip and, oh brother, do things get out of hand. I think they blow up a Toxic Waste Dump, and they crash a boat, and everyone’s hair catches on fire, and all the fish are dead, and God comes down and wipes the face of the Earth clean and starts over. Basically. But there is one scene where the two of them are sitting around a campfire and Joe Pesci says, “Well, at least things couldn’t possibly get any worse.” Two seconds later, there is a crash of thunder and a lightning bolt and it starts pouring rain on them, soaking them to the bone and putting out their fire. (At this point, my friend Andrew laughed very loudly and shouted “HE SAID IT WASN’T GOING TO GET ANY WORSE, BUT THEN IT DID!” because my friend Andrew is the best.) The point of this story is that sometimes you think you have hit bottom but you haven’t hit bottom, and in fact you don’t even know what bottom is but you are about to find out. That is how I feel about this show up until last night’s episode and then after last night’s episode. Because WHAT A TERRIBLE EPISODE! Theoretically you could argue that more happened on last night’s episode than the one where they spent 45 minutes walking around the woods looking for a little girl that they STILL haven’t found (good God, let’s just assume she’s dead and ALL OF US move on) but the things that did happen were way more annoying. But, OK, so let’s talk about them:

The highway gang finally arrives at the farm. (Again, I would argue that driving a motorcycle through a Zombie Apocalypse Wasteland when we’ve already been told repeatedly that the “walkers” are sensitive to sound is a very stupid thing to do, and if I was Herschel I would be so pissed, but he doesn’t say shit, so I guess it’s fine.) Dale asks how Carl is doing and Lori bitch faces that he’s going to survive (seriously, her faces this week are UNREAL) and everyone hugs. And I mean, everyone. Seriously?

And now it is time to bury the fat man. Well, not bury him, but definitely make a pile of rocks in his memory. The good doctor says that the fat man “died as he lived. Running from zombies and then being betrayed by a stranger and eaten alive.” He asks Shane to speak, but Shane tries to get out of it by saying he’s not good at it. Uh, what you’re not good at, Shane, is keeping your fucking face in check. This guy. Never tell him a secret because he will just write it all over his face. The fat man’s wife says that Shane has to speak so that she knows that her husband’s death had meaning. Ha! You live in a nightmare world, population: 5. His death definitely didn’t have meaning? Grow up. Shane says something about how the fat man gave his life to save Shane and therefore also save Carl, and how for that reason alone he didn’t die in vain. Right. Shane, even YOU hate yourself. Shane puts a rock on the pile and the pile bursts into flames and Shane’s face melts off as he shrieks “LIAR! LIARRRRRRR!” Who cares.

The farmer’s daughter brings out a surveyor’s map of the area with this huge grin on her face.

Isn’t it exciting to think of all the terrifying, lonely places that little girl could be hiding?! The doctor tells Grimes that he can’t go because he’s given too much blood. And Shane’s ankle is broke, so he is also out. That leaves Daryl to do another sweep. Bye Daryl! Shane says they need to carry guns. The doctor says he’d rather not have any guns on his property. Wait, what? I mean, no, sure. No guns. Except hasn’t everyone been carrying guns around the whole time? Didn’t Grimes give the fat man his gun for no reason? (And on that note, how did Grimes get his gun back?! He just plops it out like it is not even a thing.) And later Andrea will complain about how she wants a gun and Shane will be like “you don’t even know how to clean one, but I’ll teach you,” so she PULLS A GUN OUT OF HER PANTS. So she already had a gun? WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE GUNS?!

Shane and Lori run into each other outside of the RV and immediately draw down on each other in a Mexican Stand-off. Suddenly, both guns go off. Two dead. (Shane asks Lori if she really meant it when she asked him to stay with the group. UGH! Is he 12? She says she meant it. Are we really supposed to be interested in what might happen between Lori and Shane? This is the worst couple since Sammi and Ronnie on Jersey Shore.) I hope she DOES fuck him, and I hope Grimes finds out and kills EVERYONE.

And here is where things start getting REAL infuriating. Dale walks up to the farmer’s daughter and asks her what the water situation is. She says that there are five wells on the property, and points him towards one that’s nearby. Him and T-Dog walk over and start filling up jugs and making boring chit chat (“can you believe this zombie weather zombie today zombies?”) when Dale hears something and knocks the ladle (everyone looooooves drinking out of a ladle all of a sudden) out of T-Dog’s hand and says not to drink the water. It turns out there’s a big old fat zombie that done fell in the well. Everyone gathers around and determines that what they need to do is get the zombie out alive in order to possibly save the integrity of the well. But they need live bait. So they send Glenn down, and the rope almost breaks, and Glen almost dies, but he doesn’t, and they save him, and he roped the zombie, so they pull the zombie out, but up at the top the zombie gets stuck and then his body rips in half and the guts fall down into the water so it was all for NOTHING and they have to seal up the well anyway. Oh no! Except, can we go back to the beginning when she said THERE WERE FIVE WELLS ON THE PROPERTY?! The fuck? Why did we just spend all day dealing with this well when there were FOUR OTHER WELLS TO CHOOSE FROM?! Also, if Dale knocked the ladle out of T-Bone’s hand because there was a chance that the water wasn’t safe to drink, how exactly were they going to tell if the water was safe once they got the zombie out? Obviously, the whole point of this scene was just that the special effects team had big special effects boners for tearing a fat zombie in half, but GOOD GOD! SOME OF US ARE HUMAN BEINGS WITH HOPES AND DREAMS AND GOALS TO ACHIEVE BEFORE WE DIE! HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU THINK WE ARE GIVEN ON THIS EARTH!?

Meanwhile, the doctor takes Grimes out to survey the land and starts marveling at how beautiful it is and the hand of God and shit. Good grief. I’m sorry, because I know that in the face of unspeakable horror there probably is something immensely comforting in taking a quiet, relatively safe moment to look out over a beautiful vista, but do not bring God into it. He asks Grimes if he didn’t feel the hand of God when he came out of the hospital alive and then also was reunited with his family, and it’s just like, YOU KNOW THAT MILLIONS OF PEOPLE ARE DEAD, RIGHT? It’s just so OFFENSIVE. God saved the six of you? Why? You’re all the fucking WORST! This is even more offensive than that time that Star Jones said that God saved her from the Indonesian Tsunami. SMITE HER! Grimes says that he doesn’t mess with God anymore because the last time he asked God for a favor, Carl got shot. UH, YOU MEAN THREE DAYS AGO? “I don’t mess with God anymore. Not since Tuesday.” Whatever, Grimes. Whatever, doctor. Whatever, GOD.

Daryl finds a scary farmhouse and it looks like Sophia stayed there but she’s not there. He also finds a flower that he later gives to Sophia’s mother along with some wikipedia entry on flowers. Daryl is quickly becoming the most sympathetic character on this show, mostly by doing things that don’t match his character whatsoever. Convenient!

Glen and the farmer’s daughter ride horses into the city to get antibiotics from the store. Lori asks Glen to get her a feminine hygiene product but then won’t say what it is, and she hands Glen a piece of paper with it written down and Glen is like “What is it? Where should I look?” Later we will find out (SPOILER ALERT) that it’s a pregnancy test, which makes that part hilarious. Like, she didn’t write down pregnancy test? She wrote down a name brand?!?! DURING A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE? Even then, when Glen was confused, she wouldn’t just say “pregnancy test”? Because he had to get her a name brand one? Such a stupid scene. YOU GUYS HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT, LORI, YOU CUCKOLDING WHORE! (I was talking to someone on Friday and we were agreeing that Lori should have just been honest from the beginning because if ever there was a time where there were other issues in one’s relationship, namely raw survival against all odds, maybe a weird, panic-induced, end of the world forest fuck wouldn’t be the end of your marriage, you know?) Glen finds the “Feminine Hygiene” section at the store. It’s right next to the HARDWARE SECTION?!

He has two seconds of trouble finding whatever Lori’s mystery product is (it’s a pregnancy test) but then he finds it, and thank God they had her BRAND. But then the farmer’s daughter walks up (she was literally gone for zero minutes) and surprises him and he gets nervous and says he was looking for a box of condoms and then she is like “Oh, I’ll fuck you,” and he is like “Why?!” Hahha. Aww. Poor Glen. And then she says, “Options are limited these days.” OUCH! WHAT A PRIZE! She’s a keeper Glen. Because there aren’t a lot of keepers anymore? Oh well, at least Glen finally got it wet. We’ve all been pulling for him to dip his wick. (Gross. Sorry. Still not worse than this show, though.)

Earlier in the episode, the doctor tells Grimes that after Carl is recovered and they find Sophia (Ha! As IF!) he expects that they will all be moving on. “We have to be clear on this,” he says, and then immediately walks away before waiting to see if they are clear on it? Sure. Now Grimes tells him to reconsider. He explains that if the old man knew what it was like out there he wouldn’t ask them to leave. Then they talk about dads or something, and the doctor says that he’ll consider it. Wait, so, we spent 10 whole minutes being worried that they would have to leave the farm but now they probably won’t have to leave the farm? Good drama. Definitely a good use of our time, and so glad they didn’t just have the doctor tell them that they could stay. Mix it up! Have fun with it! “There are aspects to this that I can’t and won’t discuss,” the doctor says. Good God. This show is worse than Lost! At least Lost pretended like they were going to answer all the questions at the end of the day. This one is just like “Here is a secret, and I cannot ever tell you what it is, for no apparent reason.”

Grimes gives Carl his hat. There’s 15 minutes right there.

And Lori goes out into a field with a knife and takes a pregnancy test. It has instantaneous results? Must be one of these new-fangled pregnancy tests that the zombies invented. (Seriously, for as long as this show spends on so many dead-end boring plots that go nowhere and endless anti-climactic beats, you’d think they could have given the pregnancy test an extra 15 seconds to actually WORK?) She’s pregnant. She starts crying. It is almost as if no one on this show ever even remembers that their lives are meaningless because the world is over! Someone should tell them. Or shoot them.

Next week: Daryl’s brother comes back I think? Also there is a zombie. And Lori and Shane refuse to just get a room already.

Comments (118)
  1. okay, about that motorcycle: has that always been darryl’s motorcycle or did he just get lucky and find one with an SS symbol on it in post-apocalyptic atlanta. (if so, darryl is super lucky!)

    • I think it was Merl’s. I could be wrong though.

      • i guess i don’t remember that motorcylce from season one the way i don’t remember that little girl from season one.

    • “And Lori goes out into a field with a knife and takes a pregnancy test. It has instantaneous results? Must be one of these new-fangled pregnancy tests that the zombies invented.”

      That’s why she asked for a specific brand name Gabe! Duuuhhhh!!!

  2. I’m really okay with Andrea dying. Can she just die already? She’s dumb and annoying.

  3. The Walking Dead the comic book makes you wait a month between issues and then nothing happens.
    While with The Walking Dead the tv show you only have to wait just one week and nothing ever happens.

    • huh. i had hopes that the comic would be better? #nevergoingtoreaditanyway

      • That’s just one opinion, Mr. Hausfrau. Because the comics are a serialized story published monthly and written in arcs to be eventually collected in 6-issue trade paperbacks, they follow a certain formula.

        The comic book will usually spend the first three to four issues of the arc building up a situation the characters have found themselves in (or are still in but something new will happen to turn things on their heads), sprinkling in little glimmers of hope and despair, as well as an occasional(or not so occasional) zombie encounter. Then the 5th and 6th issues are the end of the second act and the climax of the storyline, usually accompanied by lots of death, zombies, old and new characters alike getting picked off, and the remaining survivors moving on in hopes of finding something safer and different.

        The kicker is that while zombies are super-dangerous and scary, they’re basically a force of nature, best avoided if at all possible. A lot of the conflict in the comics comes from the group dealing with other survivors they come across (kind of like The Road). So the group basically becomes hardened by conflicts and deaths of friends and family while trying to hold onto some semblance of their humanity with varying degrees of success.

        Boiled down it’s still a genre comic book with a mission statement of “be a never-ending zombie story.” At times it is definitely slow. But with the current TPB model in place, you’re basically getting a 3-act story every 6 issues, which is then collected, and in it something definitely happens.

  4. When you give up any hope that these characters will be behave in anything even resembling a rational way, this show can be VERY entertaining. No joke. I had a great time watching last night. OF COURSE they haphazardly tied Glenn to a rusty pipe and dropped him into a death trap. OF COURSE the Doctor said “No guns.” OF COURSE Glenn and Maggie just dropped everything to fuck in the middle of a pharmacy.

    OF COURSE The Walking Dead. OF COURSE.

  5. I give this episode one zombie, because THAT’S EXACTLY HOW MANY APPEARED IN IT. The writers seem to think the show they’re writing for is called “The Boring, Immensely Unlikable Living.”

  6. THIS SHOW. If the awfulness of this is becoming too much for you, might I suggest reading Zone One by Colson Whitehead? I’m reading it right now and it’s really good. Zombie Apocalypse stuff done right. With real human emotions and everything.

  7. The zombie in the well plot was the WORST and least sensible thing I’ve seen on this show and that’s saying a lot.

    ‘We have 5 wells, but let’s risk Glen’s life to (maybe) save ONE of them.’

    Great fake tension, walking dead.

  8. Something that struck me while watching was, first, how the “Cherokee Rose” scene between Daryl and Sophia’s mom was actually kinda good. Like, I could totally believe that Daryl, while not having any delusions about Sophia’s chances, would still take a brief second to comfort her mom in the way he knew how.

    And then I thought about Grimes giving the same speech, and realized what THAT would have been like. Can you guys imagine? It would have been the same empty, growl-whisper speech we’ve heard a million times!

    But Daryl made it bearable.

  9. Anybody watch Hell on Wheels afterward? I did and l thought it was OKAY! #CommonInATopHat

    • Common Does The Old West: Sundays on AMC

    • seems like someone went through a lot of trouble just to have an excuse for someone to say “chink” on TV.

    • it’s okay but it’s a little unbelievable that Confederate dude freed his slaves before the war, which to me smacks of the revisionist history of most white people being pretty awesome and just a few bad apples like Ted Levine’s character were actually racist

      • I don’t think that was the idea at all; rather, I think they were trying to point out that the confederate dude was an honest and decent man, quite unlike many man of that time.

    • Yea I watched the beginning but was real tired and went to bed at the first commercial break. I don’t know how seriously I’m gonna be able to take that main character though (the one who shot the guy in the confessional)…he was Britney Spears’ love interest in “Crossroads” haha!!

  10. When this show dies instead of a cherokee rose, someone will just find a piece of poop.

  11. I am confused about something. How do they have a no gun policy (in the middle of a time when weapons are the in fact the most valuable commodity –fuck you Carl)? Also they obviously have guns because didn’t Otis shoot Carl (Fuck you Carl)? Granted I only half watched this show because each week I care even less than I ever thought I could, so maybe this was explain? If so I am sorry.

    • Herschel doesn’t want Grimes and co. to have guns so only HE has guns…Methinks something nasty is going to happen next week.

      • I can accept that. I guess. But wouldn’t the Grimes group just say “Hey its Zombie World out there. We need our weapons on your huge farm where you clearly have no security other then a gate?” Or question how this is going to work. Oh look at me, applying minimal logic. This show is terrible. Thanks for your answer though Plywood. I appreciate the devious outlook as to just this show is only badly written!

      • I’m gonna call this right now: Herschel is banging his daughter. I got a real creepy vibe from him when she came back from the store with Glen.

  12. The whole “zombie down a well” scene bothered me so much, and here’s why:
    a.) How is “We need live bait” a logical answer to the situation. Maybe you should take more than 2 minutes with the original plan before abandoning it!
    b.) In a world where human life is so precious, why risk a fellow friend to lasso a zombie down a well?
    c.) Why is it that every time someone develops a shitty plan, Glen is the guy fingered to carry it out? And why doesn’t he stand up for himself for once? Like, “Fuck you, it’s your turn to undertake this poorly planned and insanely dangerous mission for once!”
    d.) At what point did Glen find the time/clarity of mind/courage to lasso the zombie. I would have just kicked and screamed like a girl ’til they yanked me back up. A little too convenient. Ugh.

    I stopped caring about the episode shortly after this scene (during the 10 minutes of following commercials.).

    • Now that Glen’s not a virgin, I think he’ll be standing up for himself more often. Also, their first plan wasn’t very good, either. How many cans of reconstituted ham product do they have lying around up there? It’s like they don’t even know how to behave in a regular apocalypse, let alone a zombie one.

    • Couldn’t they have pumped the well full of water, raising its level up to the point where the zombie was at the suface, THEN take it out? Notwithstanding the whole point that they didn’t really need to bother with the well but oh well.

      • I am not sure I would have voted for your plan werttrew but the thing is, it is way smarter than what they actually did. And that is why I can’t ever watch this show. I just can’t. It’s up to its eyeballs in so stupid.

        Also, if there’s half a dead zombie in the well, couldn’t that contaminate the whole water table and therefore the other four wells? I am not an engineer but I’d be worried about that and would probably boil the water from now on.

        (You guys should totally call me when the real zombie apocalypse happens. I worry about water tables, I own a Maglite, I can show you how to “shower” with moist towelettes, and I can happily live off Power Bars and whiskey.)

    • The scene was completely idiotic and clearly a reason to use those special effects. Trying to pick it apart would only waste valuable minutes.

      Which isn’t new actually. The show sucks. it is obviously a garbage TV show with garbage acting, garbage characters, and really garbage writing that has only slightly improved in the 2nd season admittedly.

      The only question worth asking in my opinion, is where the threshold is. The threshold of “This is a TV show about a zombie apocalypse, and is inherently better than 99% else of what is available. HOWEVER. It is terrible, so I must stop watching, in spite of this.”

      When will we pass that threshold. It’s coming right? Soon? I can’t not watch it. But I’m so close to not watching it.

    • All valid points that I also wondered about…this is also something I wondered:

      e.) Why risk getting the zombie out when the water is probably already contaminated?! He had blood on him already, I’m assuming the water was already contaminated. And if they did happen to successfully get the zombie out, how were they going to decontaminate the water? Were they going to break out their water-testing kit? How do you even test for zombie contamination anyway?

      • See above, re: Garbage writing. There was literally no reason for those events to occur, because it has nothing to do with the plot, nothing to do with character development, and doesn’t provide any realism that might give us insight into the setting of the show…it accomplished nothing. There are a MILLION questions one could ask about that scene, and the answer is always “Because an idiot wrote it to validate using the effects”

  13. The only reason I watch this show anymore is so that I know what is going on in these recaps.

  14. Time to introduce Rick’s travel-writer cousin into the cast:

  15. Hershel seemed pretty dismissive of the qualities of his barn. What was that about? I’m sure they’ll probably never touch back on it.

    • i suspect that there are zombies somewhere on the premises, maybe in the barn. the scene you`re mentioning, plus the family`s apparent resistance towards and discomfort with the idea of actually killing the zombies…they scene an epi or two back when they hinted that they were holding out for a cure. I don`t know, just a hunch. maybe they are keeping family members as zombies, hoping for a cure….who knows.

      • I think this is 100% likely.

      • My comment was meant facetiously because of how shoe-horned in the mentioning of the barn felt in that scene. I’ve been reading Walking Dead since it started, and didn’t want to spoil anything that they’d directly adapt from the comics (which has been a crapshoot but it seems like they’re jumping on it a bit more [the well zombie was not in the comics, Hershel's barn is]), but I guess they’re making it so obvious that you’ve pretty much described SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER exactly SPOILER what happens AWE, SPOILED.

        I didn’t expect anyone to just earnestly spell out Hershel’s business in a reply to my comment.

      • Yep. Some uncles, aunts, and little Jimmy the paper boy are somehow chained up in the barn while the humans pray for a cure. But they have to feed the zombies something.

        But WHEW! Thank goodness Grimes nor anybody else saw anybody carrying food out to the barn! Wait – that will be next week. Even though they’ve been at the farm for days and days and days and – never mind.

        And thank goodness at night the zombies are considerate enough to not make noise that will drift over to the TENT CITY erected 100 yards away. They are so considerate.

        • And Herschel will need food to keep his zombie relatives alive in the barn, so he’s gonna make sure Grimes and COo ain’t got guns, and then pull guns on them and feed them to the zombies.

          1 or 2 characters will die before a valiant rescue/escape plan is executed when Maggie switches allegiances and sides with Grimes Inc. and off they go to the next boring episode where nothing happens.

  16. A few of my friends watch this show and claim its really good, but I always wonder it isn’t “Every zombie movie ever, but drawn out over the course of several TV seasons.”

  17. I love how the Farm-family (that`s their name) still makes `trips` into the drugstore. They still make trips, still needlessly endanger the lives of the family member asked to make the trip, still, still, still. Here`s an idea, dick flaps–TAKE EVERYTHING IN A SINGLE TRIP!! Trust me, it`s not like little Suzy Perkins from down the road is going to be needing cough medicine any time soon and will be totally bummed out when she finds out you and your family selfishly took everything for yourselves, because her fucking head has been chewed off. Take a big bag, send a few people, empty out the entire store, and then you never have to go back again. Cripes.

  18. I don’t usually do this, because I know it’s irritating, but…Gabe? Gabe! It should be “discreet,” right? (I wouldn’t mention it except it’s the headline and I want to link this but it’s hard to when the headline has a typo)

  19. This show is turning into “The Killing: Zombie Edition”. They have a generally decent idea but don’t know how to execute properly, wastes too much time setting things up and then nothing happens.

    I was waiting for the pan out scene where they show lots of solar panels on the roof of the farmhouse to explain their never-ending power supply. I mean, did you guys check out their fence? Three lines of barbed wire! OH MY! At this point I was expecting a Lord Of The Rings fortress! I’m sure zombie wander by and turn around worried the wire could tear their skins and give them ugly scars. Lord know they’re all out of Mederma in that pharmacy!

  20. What would have saved this episode: Norm Macdonald shows up and is all like “Hey your friends wish you well…. They wish you were thrown DOWN a well! ….Your friends… wish you were MURDERED …. in a well….” No laugh track, just Norm Macdonald looking at everybody with that squinty eyed grin on his face like everything is normal.

  21. Even worse than Lori being pregnant it…who’s the daddy?!! It doesn’t seem like that much time passed between her having sex with Shane and then with Grimes.

    And did she REALLY write down “First Response” or something on that paper?! No time to be picky Lori! “Pregnancy test, because shit, I may be pregnant” would’ve been just fine. And he didn’t know what it was, so what if they didn’t have that brand haha! Pretty lucky for that place to have one First Response left! And I love how she said “look in the Feminine Hygiene section”…and sure enough, there was that exact section there.

    And when she was headed to the woods with the knife, I thought she was going to give herself an abortion!! Well, I guess she’ll just hafta hope that vets know how to abort babies.

    • Re: the pregnancy test – I also have to wonder if it was really super necessary to even get one in the first place. Like, if it is such a touchy subject, and NO ONE CAN KNOW, and you’re asking Glen to risk himself to get your special brand, why not just… wait? You’ll find out soon enough. Just the writers telling not showing, I guess.

    • I too thought when I saw her with the knife she was going to give herself an abortion and felt guilty about it

      • Yea, cus all I thought was, “No way did she wait this long to take the pregnancy test?!” If I had a possible pregnancy on my mind, I’d pee on that thing ASAP!

      • I think you meant “and feel guilty about it” – because Lori is awful and feels guilty about breathing. There’s nothing wrong with expecting something exciting and morally questionable (not that I’m saying all abortion is wrong, just that a self-abortion in the middle of a field at night with a random knife might be weird) would happen on a show about zombies.

  22. “I have a perfectly good barn but you people should sleep outside in your tents.”

    “There are zombies around but I don’t like guns so don’t have guns on my property. Even though there are zombies around.”

    “Let’s go to the pharmacy in town AGAIN since we were too lazy and/or stupid to CLEAN IT OUT OF EVERYTHING WE MIGHT HAVE EVER NEEDED the first few trips we went to the pharmacy.”

    • I can sort of buy the no guns thing, since generally in the show when it comes down to shooting zombies, you are pretty much screwed anyway. The no guns policy would equate to no loud noises that let the zombies know where we are.

      There are plenty of other stupid things with the show, but the idea of giving up easy zombie killing to avoid giving away your position to all zombies in earshot isn’t the most far fetched. And, he asked they disarm before telling them they had to leave eventually. The other way around, and he’d risk someone pulling a gun and saying “no, I think we’ll stay”.

  23. Why is everyone still so gun-obsessed anyway? Start using reasonable melee weapons or get a sick crossbow like my man Daryl already!
    Or go to the gun store next to the pharmacy (only applicable in Real America) and grab silencers. Jesus.

    And to jump way back, I don’t think an entire water table would be affected by one zombie, if they are indeed separate wells. Natural filtration and shit. Blah blah.

    • “Hi I’m Darryl. I like to walk through the zombie woods with a crossbow strapped to my back instead of armed and in my arms ready to shoot at zombies.”

    • Oh c’mon, we all know the “silencers” in movies don’t actually exist in real life. There are suppressors that counter muzzle flash and limit some noise but they’re ultimately not a lot quieter than a regular gunshot without special sub-sonic ammo.

  24. “Let’s try to get a noose around the rotted flesh and bones of the neck of a 250+ pound zombie and lift his squirming kicking screaming body up out of the well. Surely his head won’t come off”

  25. Over where all the cars were abandoned, there was a truck carrying Arrowhead Mountain Spring Water. Shane popped one open and took an impromptu shower. Why didn’t they load the rest of those bottles into the RV? This show is losing me fast.

    • They like to leaves supplies where they are so they have to make many, many dangerous trips over time to get them – like going to the pharmacy over and over instead of clearing it out in 1 or 2 trips WEEKS AGO.

      And why don’t they use a strong vehicle to tow/push/pull vehicles out of they way so they can drive on down the highway? THE KEYS ARE ALL IN THE IGNITION, PEOPLE.

    • Wow, Shane really likes to waste water, huh? First the jug of water, and then the running shower while he’s shaving his head!! Tisk tisk, Shane!

  26. Shortly after the season 2 finale airs, Shane a.k.a whatever his name is featured in a Lady Gaga video where he plays the role of her lover. Since Shane as a result becomes instantly more recognizable, the character arc for Shane moves swiftly from badguy to the new hero basically.

    He explains that his father was a drinker and therefore… no wait, that was Daryl’s thing! He gets hypnotized by a witch and… no wait Eric Northman did that one! Whatever, he is transformed, and we’re all totally going to root for him. Season 3. Can’t wait!

  27. Oh, and I love how both times Carl woke up (pre-seizure, post-surgery), he says “Mom, there was a deer!”, and “Is Sophia ok?”. I’m pretty sure I’d be saying “What the fuck?! Did I get shot? Am I dead? Where are we?!?!?!”

    • I know. enough with the deer already. That was ridiculous anyway. Deer don’t sit there and let kids just touch them.

    • Well, the Sophia question is at least a bit smarter than the deer one. Dude needs to be concerned with the only person of the opposite gender in his age range he’s seen since the end days. Dude’s gonna hit puberty soon, and if they don’t find Sophia he’s going to be in for some rough times. Hell, there’s no more internet. Although I guess there are always dangerous runs to the pharmacy for skin mags.

  28. I’m not sure why Lori is around when it is clear Shane and Rick are in love. The sexual tension is almost too much to bare.

  29. I’m not sure why they bothered to make Lori a character when it’s clear Shane and Rick are in love. The sexual tension is almost too much to bare.

  30. Hey, last week when Shane shaved his head, I decided that he looked like Gabe. Has anyone else noticed this? Have we talked about it already? Sorry if we did. I know this show has already caused us so much wasted time. I hate to add to the problem.

  31. God, I just really want Sofia’s mom to shout, “My girl!!!” once. just once.

  32. I gotta agree that this show is soooooo boring right now, but I’m gonna keep watching because
    a) I feel bad about pirating all of the comics, so as long as the show stays on the air and I watch I feel like I’m giving something back to Kirkman
    b) Carl Face is our generations Teeth Face (get well soon, Carl, I miss your delighfully stupid face!)
    c) The creative team changed halfway through the season, so I’m holding out hope that once it comes back from the 3-month hiatus after ep. 7 the new team will give us the show we all need in this time of economic adversity.
    d) Just fucking zombies. What more do you need? You people are so hard to please, I swear.

  33. I know everyone left but Gabe mentioned the movie Gone Fishin’ but forgot to mention that J.J. Abrams wrote it! That is very weird, even for J.J. Abrams

    • I also think a stuntman died during the filming of that movie. Can you imagine that being your legacy? Dying trying to add some excitement to a crap-ass Joe Pesci-Danny Glover buddy film?

  34. During the funeral or whatever scene at the beginning with the dead guy’s wife (?)/mom (?) (who cares), I was like, “death had meaning?? – everyone’s dead and zombie apocalypse and there’s like 12 people possibly in the world and no one’s death ‘has meaning’ and GROW UP WEIRDO!”.

    And then I read the recap and realized I’ve read *way* too much Gabe, you guys.

    • I hear ya. I even tell people things that they’ve said in their articles like “Oh, Gabe said ‘something something thanks for playing the end’ yesterday and it was hilarious!” and my friends are like “who the fuck is Gabe?” Sometimes I feel like I know Gabe and Kelly better than own family.

  35. I’m going to say the second best course of action would have been to make some sort of lasso and drop it down the well and at least TRY roping the zombie from up there before dropping Glen in?

    The #1 BEST course of action would have been to not waste an entire episode on “action” that would leave us, um, exactly where we started? Like I get that it’s a zombie show, but maybe not just stick them in there for the sake of having a zombie in there? Maybe prioritize something else like the quality of the storytelling in your television show?

    “I’m not good at it.” -The Walking Dead

  36. I gotta say, I’ve never seen so many people say they hate a show so much, yet watch it every week. When I hate a show, I don’t watch it.

  37. Why hasn’t Gabe said anything yet about the Deputy costume Grimes wears all the time? It’s definitely a costume at this point, there is absolutely no need for him to have it on… He owns other clothes (speaking of, everyone is always sweating so why is he always wearing a shirt under his deputy shirt? Can’t he just take one of them off? And can we please talk about my imaginary boyfriend Shane’s really cool outfit this week?).

    • Yes we can talk about Shane’s outfit. Who the hell was the thin guy and that young blonde at the funeral? And why did Otis’s widow give Shane the just dead man’s balloon-like clothes (which magically fit) instead of Herschel or the mystery man?

  38. I nearly peed my pants when you called him “T-Bone”. Well played, sir…

  39. I thought the well zombie was Otis. I guess not. I thought people would have mentioned that possibility here. Or maybe the timing is wrong?

    When this series started, did anybody else imagine that maybe just maybe since they have plenty of storytelling time, there might have been some sort of explanation of how a virus can animate a dead lump that might even be missing a circulatory system, lungs etc? That there has to be some way that they move around? Anybody? And some way that they process the flesh they eat? Hello?

    Sorry, this is actually a cartoon for 10 year olds, I keep forgetting.

  40. I like your reviews, they are usually on point and funny. But the obssesive use of the name Grimes, when you clearly call just about everyone else by their first name is so beyond anything I could ever imagine to be more annoying. And it’s like every other sentence. I don’t get it. What is wrong with using his first name like everyone else? It’s more irritating than the show.

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