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Sad news, guys: Andy Rooney died over the weekend. An American treasure! Not sarcastic! For as much as it was so easy to poke fun at his rants, he was still a venerable institution, and in their own bizarre, crotchety way, those rants were a delight. The New York Times obituary captured them perfectly:
He admitted to loving football, Christmas, tennis, woodworking and Dwight D. Eisenhower, one of the few politicians who won his approval because, as an Army general during World War II, he had refused to censor Stars and Stripes, the G.I. newspaper for which Mr. Rooney worked. He also claimed to like shined shoes and properly pressed pants and had machines in his office to take care of those functions, although somehow he always managed to look rumpled.
But he was better known for the things he did not like. He railed against “two-prong plugs in a three-prong society,” the incomprehensibility of road maps, wash-and-wear shirts “that you can wash but not wear,” the uselessness of keys and locks, and outsize cereal boxes that contained very little cereal.
“I don’t like any music I can’t hum,” he grumbled.
He observed that “there are more beauty parlors than there are beauties” and that “if dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.”
Haha. Oh, Andy Rooney. (The obituary also includes a pretty interesting look at the weird racist, homophobic, and misogynistic comments he has made over the years, but what are you going to do?) It was only two months ago that we mourned the death of his 60 Minutes segment and now we are mourning the death of Andy Rooney himself. R.I.P. Andy Rooney. You are in heaven now, complaining about the angels.
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this is like when that cranky old man down the hall dies. i know i am supposed to be sad and all, but am having a hard time caring.
TOO SOONEY.
“talk about too soon! we just aired his retrospective last week and now we’ve got run it again and cut Kroft’s interview with Harrison Ford – now THERE is a crusty old man.” – 60 minutes editorial staff
Mr. Rooney’s wife of 62 years, Marguerite Howard, died in 2004. Mr. Rooney is survived by their four children and his eyebrows.
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=681818n
An appropriate time as ever for the Andy Rooney Game
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y94dFAlYBhg&list=PL286AADB54427BA76&index=1&feature=plpp_video
“Hey Gabriel, it’s been a couple of millenia, maybe you could learn a new song? You know, something more modern, like a Bach flute sonata or a selection from that new Lou Reed / Metallica album that is the rage with the kids these days.” – Andy Rooney in heaven
“Hey, God. Didja ever notice how you put the vagina and the butthole so close together? What’s going on there? Is that some kind of cosmic joke?”
maybe andy eats everything: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jl_nqx7XQO4
It should also be noted that Andy Rooney was a WWII veteran (despite being a pacifist) who was awarded a bronze star for bravery.
Noted.
“He admitted to loving football, Christmas, tennis, woodworking and Dwight D. Eisenhower…”
“He also claimed to like shined shoes and properly pressed pants…”
This article sure does seem to weirdly be casting suspicions on the innocuous declarations of a dead man.
Have you guys ever noticed how hard it is to close cereal boxes?
I’m pretty sure that image is actually of an Andy Rooney impersonator from one of those “rent a ‘celebrity’ for your birthday party!” companies
I agree.
in all honesty, i really hope that my obituary is a run down of things i like and dislike.
“Things he enjoyed included internet videos of people hurting themselves, granola bars, and cold pizza with a fried egg on top. He hated NFL quarterbacks Tony Romo, Philip Rivers, and Tom Brady simply because of the look on their face. He disliked being touched, and thought eating cheese was to blame for having a lack of manners…”
*monsters not included
**footnote no longer applicable due to editing. explainer guy regrets the error.
Did you just say cold pizza with a fried egg on top? Are you some kind of wizard?
Ha ha, I just spent 30 seconds thinking Gabe said Rooney was a “venereal” institution.