In putting together these top ten lists ever week (meaning, as we all know, feeding the week’s videos into the Animal Video Math Machine and re-posting the correctly sorted list), I’ve begun to notice certain weekly trends popping up. Last week it was, appropriately, animals dressed in Halloween costumes. Before that I think it was dogs fetching things? Listen. I’m not saying they’re the smartest or most novel video trends, but they DO exist. I’m currently researching it all for my lengthy half memoir/half textbook called Anime Videos. It’s going to be confusing having to explain that it’s actually pronounced Ani-ME, like it’s about animal videos and also me, not about “anime,” but I feel like it’s going to be worth it. Anyway, this week the trend seems to be “staged animal videos.” Staged by humans to make the animals seem like they’re doing a thing they’re not doing. Usually I don’t like these types of videos, but trust me when I say that we have some GREAT ones this week. One of them may even be the number one video? Who knows! (I know!) Click through to the list to find out!

10. Falling Baby Pandas

9. Dog Balances Things

8. Aligator Hugs

7. Squealing Puppy

6. Spinning Squirrel

5. Sad Pug

4. Ballerina Prairie Dog

3. Snapping Turtle Eats A Watermelon

2. Two-Legged Dog

1. Turtle Plays Piano

YESSSSSSSS! I could watch that turtle not play piano all day! Hahaha. The best part about that video is that the song features guitar as its main instrument. There is also some piano in there, but nooootttt really, mostly it’s at the beginning when the turtle hasn’t even started playing yet. You couldn’t have just picked a piano-heavy song to play in the background, turtle? What’s wrong with you! NOTHING? You’re right, I’m sorry, nothing is wrong with you. You’re the best. Some may say that it was an odd (crass, even) choice to put the two-legged dog at number two, but listen to this: Maybe it would have been pandering to put him at number one? So what if he has two legs! He’s got his life together, hopping along without a care in the world. He doesn’t need number one spot pity. He’s fine. He’s perfect. Don’t worry about him. The little ballerina is also perfect, obviously, even though it is not a REAL ballerina and is just on its hind legs for the treat that sloppily comes in and out of frame. TREAT IN THE SHOT! Get that treat outta the shot! The sad dogs are wonderful, but the pug is slightly more wonderful because it sounds even more pathetic than the other one looks (which is SUPER pathetic). The rest of the videos explain themselves. Congratulations to all of our winners. You’re all great. Especially the turtle playing piano. You’re the best.

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Comments (14)
  1. It seems like the theme was “horrifyingly frightening/sad animals that are somehow cute”

  2. That whole time I was wondering how that twirling squirrel would ever get down

  3. In regards to the snapping turtle:


    “Meh.”

  4. That two-legged dog just made my heart grow bigger.

  5. It’s the bit of watermelon that flies up and hits the camera lens that really sells the snapping turtle video.

  6. Two-legged dog got robbed.

  7. What a difference one leg makes. Two legged dog looks way more happy than Li’l Brudder.

  8. I love the two legged dog video, but it is clear from the video menu that pops up upon its completion that the uploader is a psychopath.

  9. Can’t wait until the piano turtle shows up on Ellen and meets Nicki Minaj.

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