PETMAN is robot that was designed to test protective clothing for the U.S. military, with the secondary function of being your best new friend forever! PETMAN can be used if you’ve, maybe, just moved to a new city and you’re having trouble meeting new people. Or if you need a friend to go jogging with that won’t judge you for your need to stop every once in a while and take a breather, the way that you’re absolutely sure that your other, human friends will. Or if you need someone that will do pushups with you without tiring out, since you can do so many more pushups than all of the other people you know, and usually when they’re done you’re like, “Seriously? You’re seriously giving up already. How do you expect to gain any more muscle if you just give up as soon as you get tired? You have to push yourself. I do not believe you’ve reached your limit.” And all of your friends are mad at you for being such a pushy blow-hard about the pushups all the time. That’s where PETMAN comes in. Sure he doesn’t have a head. But what good has a head ever done for anyone? When they’re not busy falling off, heads only ever get in the way. PETMAN understands that, just like PETMAN understands you.

Did you see when PETMAN got pushed and he just kept going? What a trooper. Not like the rest of your dumb friends who can’t even take a little constructive criticism, even though you’re just trying to help and you thought you had that kind of relationship but I guess you don’t, I guess you just have to say flattering lies to each other all the time like a couple of STRANGERS. And do you see how PETMAN exists? Not like the rest of your 0 friends who don’t even exist because you don’t have any friends, like in that first scenario we mentioned about moving to the new town. Just a perfect solution! And a perfect friend. Also PETMAN will test any protective clothing that you need to test. Win/win/win/winwinwin. (Via Neatorama.)

Comments (27)
  1. This video desperately needs Eye of the Tiger playing over it. YOU CAN DO IT, PETMAN!!!

    • P.S. I am in all seriousness very impressed with PETMAN’s bipedal balancing, lunging, walking and squatting abilities. I seriously was like, “We’re almost there.”

      P.P.S. HE HAS A HEAD analog! It’s just a pint-size, blinking red light bulb.

  2. That’s a good idea, just keep giving the robots more and more protection. Whose side are you REALLY on, U.S. Military?

  3. Did anyone watch the Big Dog videos? That thing is scarier.

  4. #petman’sswaggerwalk

  5. See the padding on the poles? That’s to protect the poles from PETMAN, not the other way around.
    I think PETMAN jokes should be the new Chuck Norris jokes. (If we even have jokes after the robot apocalypse).

  6. That tiny police siren head reminds me of this guy…

  7. i, for one, welcome our new robot overlords.

  8. Clearly he’s the PETMAN the army deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So they’ll hunt him because he can take it. Because he’s not their hero. He’s a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark suit of armor.

  9. Where’s his Bicycle?!

  10. I enhanced his head a little.

  11. Yet another reason to name my firstborn PETMAN.

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