Having your own routine in life can be the best. You get up, you do whatever, and you keep doing whatever it is you normally do in the correct order that you do it in until you go to bed at your bedtime. That sounds great! Very enticingly put. But, even though the routine you’ve set up keeps you at a standard level of happiness that you’ve come to accept and enjoy, sometimes you feel like you just gotta break out of it a little and get SUPER weird. It’s only human! So you dye your hair maroon and get bangs. Or you try some of your roommate’s leftover quinoa. Or you buy a romper by accident because you thought it was a dress but then you wear it anyway. Or you order the fish of the day even though you don’t even like fish at all. OR you’re the Oscars and you decide that you’re not going to announce the nominees for Best Picture in alphabetical order! WHAAAAAAAAAT?!! From GoldDerby:

Over the weekend, Awards Daily reported that this January’s Oscar nominations announcement will include a twist. Tradition holds that nominees are read alphabetically, but that will be abandoned this year to increase suspense. A major rules change for 2011 has anywhere between five to ten films receiving Best Picture nominations, depending on which gets at least 5% of the overall popular vote. Efforts will be made to withhold just how many Picture contenders there are as the shortlist is unveiled on live television.

So we don’t know how many films are going to be nominated already, and now we’ll have to wait for the whole list to see if our favorites are nominated?! COOL YOUR JETS, OSCARS! We’re all about reviving an overblown and dead-ish ceremony, but have you thought that maybe you’re being a little TOO progressive? Calm down! If we’ve learned anything from decades (?) of human existence, it’s that big changes happen slowly. So how about let’s take it down a few notches and get weird a little more softly:

  • The nominees are announced alphabetically, but the first letter of each title is pronounced a different way than it should be.
  • Each title is announced in an accent that has nothing to do with the film.
  • Someone offscreen does the talking and the person onscreen lip synchs.
  • The title is phrased as if it were an episode of Friends.
  • An extra two seconds are added before each title’s announcement.
  • For three seconds during the announcements the announcers pause as if the feed has been interrupted but then they keep going and never mention it.
  • Every nominee’s announcement is followed by a little sigh.

Switch it up a little, but not TOO much. We can barely handle all the excitement as it is! PLEASE CALM DOWN, THE OSCARS! (Via Vulture.)

Comments (26)
  1. Oh man, I’ll bet this is gonna drive the Felixes CRAZY.

  2. I need smelling salts to overcome this shock!

  3. I look forward to every nominee being read out by David Blaine who, after unexpectedly removing each new nominee from the pocket of a nearby celebrity, will proceed to stare intently into the camera whilst walking from side-to-side, ignoring the surprised screams that surround him.

  4. They should announce them in the order in which they appear in Jack Nicholson’s Qwikster queue

  5. There are no announcements. Instead, everyone who involved in making a movie this year is issued a T-shirt to wear around town on “announcement day.” The shirts will say “Nominated!” or “Sorry, better luck next time.” It will be our job as fans to stay alert and piece together the full list.

  6. Kelly here are all your suggestions rolled up into one:

    “…*2-second pause*…’ello guvnhas…this first nominee could not BE any less alphabetical…*3 second pause*…Best Picture: Shmelancholia…Sigh!” – Chandler Bing (lip syncing)

  7. After the nominees are announced, they remind everyone that Forest Gump was once nominated for Best Picture, too.

  8. They should play Six Degrees of Separation to get from one movie announcement to the next, using ONLY best actor / actress winners from the past.

  9. BNPG: best pictures as friends episode titles:

    The One With the Stuttering King

    The One With the Boat, The Iceberg, and the Ross & Rachel Love Thing

  10. The one with Sandra Bullock

  11. Dimwitted Steroid Boxer

  12. Who is this for? People actually get up to watch this? They don’t just wait for the Internet to post the list of nominees that you browse through at your leisure several times before the actual oscars because lord knows you forget/don’t care after a couple hours until someone is all, “was that obscure cartoon you meant to see at the arts theater nominated?” and you’re like…:: sigh :: let me google it. and it turns out yes…but like it would win against pixar! lolamirite?

  13. How about for a change they just nominate the five best movies of the year? #pedantgum

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