It’s hard to believe that we’ve gone this long without a second and third installment of Independence Day, our nation’s premiere alien fighting/on TV on the fourth of July movie. That movie came out in 1996! There have been at least about 45 “Independence Days” since then, and each of them had to come and go without its own installment of Independence Day. Just when you thought you could trust Hollywood to give you everything you needed, you have to go and be reminded of how they only ever made one Independence Day movie. Well, NOT ANYMORE! They’re going to make two more of them! Hoorayyyy. But there is one kind of big problem, from the A.V. Club:

The deal remains stymied by Will Smith’s exorbitant, $50 million asking price to come and punch more aliens in the face, along with his other, more recent demands such as strict control over the script (as seen in the recent stagnation on Men In Black III), and finding parts in the movie for wife Jada and daughter Willow.

Well, come on! Obviously you gotta get Willow in there. Do they even make movies without Willow Smith in them anymore? Maybe whoever’s in charge here should hit the showers and let the real Mr. Hollywoods (the entire Smith family) do what they do best (feed their lives into the fame machine). But, in the case that they don’t find SOME kind of role for Willow and Jada (daughter and wife?), WHO SHOULD THEY GET TO REPLACE WILL? 

Aaron Paul: Aaron Paul has already proven himself as a sympathetic, multi-dimensional actor who would, I’m sure, have no problem killing aliens in one scene, loving his wife in another scene, and then arguing with the president about whatever in another scene. All very believable. All very handsome. I’d already like AT LEAST two tickets. “They’re ALIENS. And they’re going to KILL. US.” – Aaron Paul, Independence Day 2 and 3. (Also Walt should be the president.)

Willow Smith: Willow Smith has already proven herself to be an actress whose talent stretches far beyond her ears YEARS. Far beyond her years. And if Will Smith is going to be such a baby about all of it, why not just give him what he wants, right? Just put Willow Smith in there. Give her a great role. Give her the best role. Give her his role. Willow Smith IS Will Smith IN Independence Day.

Jada Pinkett-Smith: Kind of the same as the last one, to be honest. If Will Smith wants Jada in Independence Day sooooo bad, just give her his role. And then he’s out of the movie. And you still have a Smith in the movie. And who even cares, right? Who even cares about any of it. Certainly not Will Smith, who is so intent on DESTROYING EVERYTHING.

Jaden Smith: Uh, WHY DIDN’T WILL DEMAND THAT JADEN WAS IN THE MOVIE? Because he’s nervous? He’s nervous that Jaden is going to take over his legacy before he’s even done with it? Well, maybe he should be. Maybe Jaden should take all the roles meant for Will Smith right away. Hollywood was meant for the young, OLD MAN. Your time is up!

That should teach Will Smith a lesson. You can’t get everything you want when you’re reviving a decade and a half old movie. You can only get some of the things you want. Or probably everything you want? Probably he will get everything he wants. #arronpaulforwillsmith

Comments (41)
  1. I just hope Goldblum is signed on, because without him Earth would have never figured out that the aliens use Windows 95 to operate their ships.

  2. What in holy hell is going on with Willow Smith’s hair?

  3. Herman Cain thinks the role should go to Barack Obama.

  4. It is impossible to imagine a sequel to Independence Day without Will Smith.

    Wait, I think I spelled not even a challenge wrong.

  5. Why don’t they just get that guy who did that Will Smith impersonation on SNL? You know, the guy who does the Denzel Washington impersonations. Can he impersonate Randy Quaid too? I don’t know his name, so I refer to him as Annoying Impersonation Guy on SNL.

    • Jay Pharoah! He could totally be the new Will. I bet a lot of people wouldnt even notice the difference.

      • But if we cast Jay Pharoah as Will Smith, we’re missing the unique opportunity to bring the dramatic gravitas of a Denzel Washington impersonation to the role. This matter should not be considered lightly.

  6. If you have 5 minutes of spare time, you should do this sporcle and see how much of Bill Pullman’s speech you can name: http://www.sporcle.com/games/stanvick/id4_speech

    You will likely beat my unamerican 83/159 (52%)

    • You should ask Lawblog about this speech.

      • Will do! Hopefully the lawblog google alert will send him here shortly anyway

        • Bill Pullman’s speech, presented with a description of what happens to me as I watch the movie.

          [ At this moment I am convinced that I will be able to make it through this speech without crying for the first time ever, as I've seen this movie a dozen times, and it's not possible to cry every time, right? ]
          Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in this history of mankind.

          Mankind — that word should have new meaning for all of us today. [ at this moment, a lump starts to form in my throat. But I push it down. "Not this time!" I say ]

          We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore.

          We will be united in our common interests.

          Perhaps its fate that today is the 4th of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution — but from annihilation. [ Now my eyes start to feel a little dusty, but I wipe them off and pretend it's allergies]

          We’re fighting for our right to live, to exist.

          And should we win the day, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice:

          “We will not go quietly into the night! [lots more dust]

          We will not vanish without a fight!

          We’re going to live on! [ soooo much dust ]

          We’re going to survive!”

          [ at this point tears are streaming down my cheek as I say along with President Pullman...]
          Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!

    • THAT was so much fun! I got a 98! Thanks Cheddar for posting that link.

  7. Bill Pullman should play all of the characters. This goes without saying, so that is why no one said it. Great, thanks for all your help!

  8. So Willow Smith looks set to go as an alien.

  9. Cool jackets, everyone.

  10. Do you guys remember 9/11? Well, it was a really bad time. The worst I have ever seen. Typing about it, even now, hurts. It was a week later before I heard anyone laugh. Anyone. And, well, it was two weeks later that I got invited to a BBQ by some recent college grads I knew tangentially. I was not a lot older than them, and I thought “maybe it is time for a social event,” and I went.

    When I got there, in addition to a hibachi, they had a widescreen projection TV with speakers as tall as me. They had decided the day’s main activity would be to watch Independence Day. Because, as their leader put it, “A lot of people say this is wrong, but fuck those people, we’re gonna watch this movie because we kick ass in it. New York blows up and then guess what, we fucking win! We fucking GO TO TOWN AND KICK ASS.”

    The movie started and I felt wary of it and then increasingly sick and shaky, and as Harvey Fierstein was sitting doomed in traffic, I left. I remember walking to my car, being half a block away, and hearing behind me the sound of American cities exploding and a dozen guys cheering.

    I was not a lot older than them but I felt that in the handful of years I had become somehow differently constituted in every atom.

    That is my Independence Day story and it is why I am opposed to any sequels.

    Although, of course I do hope Will Smith gets $50 million!

  11. I can think of someone: Oscar winner, star of Iron Eagle I-IV, once punched Billie Dee Williams in the throat. Ring any bells?

  12. But really, I want to see those aliens whipping their tentacles back and forth.

  13. Elle Fanning

  14. Can’t we just let Eddie Murphy play every character and put this entire thing to bed?

  15. They should get one of the blond haired, blue eyed Ryans. Maybe pull a Dr Parnassus with it and get a few.

  16. Why are they bothering with Two and Three when they could just remake the first one?

  17. “Welcome to Earf, BITCH.” -Aaron Paul, Independence Day 2

  18. Ohh hell naw! They need to bring back Will Smith. Otherwise, yall mutahfuckas will complain (as usual lol) that hollywood is fucking up original movies and shit.

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