Oh, the hoverboard. Sometimes I almost wonder would it not be better had Back to the Future 2 never been made? In some multiverse existence Steven Spielberg has never offered us this poison pill, and we never did swallow such a tormenting vision of the future. THEY DON’T EXIST, BOYS, LET’S ALL MOVE ON. What I’m saying is, we would all love it, and it has driven mankind for well on 22 years, but it’s time to let the dream die. Because not only do hoverboards not exist and will never exist, but our futile attempts to convince ourselves otherwise is opening a whole other can of worms. Sometimes it is nice to simply have dreams and hold them in your heart and know that we live in an imperfect and often disappointing world, but that it has to be enough. Even in the face of some sort of existentialist absurdity, it has to be enough. Because if it’s not, and if we refute what is real, then what we end up with is this lumpy, disgusting, gigantic piece of shit made out of what, painted balsa wood? Floating down three feet of track with the use of a dry ice engine and 10 people standing around to make sure you don’t fall and at the end you’re like “wait, was that it?” Yeah. That was it.

We can lead meaningful lives, I promise. Let’s try that now instead of making hoverboards. You’re not going to ride that thing to work anyway. You’re 100 years old. Feed your kids. (Via HaveYouSeenThis?)

Comments (16)
  1. Robert Zemeckis (The Frighteners, Thriller)! Not Spielberg!

  2. Whatever, Gabe. Don’t let my cape hit you in the face when I fly past you on my hoverboard in 10 years.

  3. It is simply not yet the future. That’s all. Not until cars fly. I want to dodge falling bodies as I eat Dippin’ Dots, and then, THEN, I will toast to the future, which will be our present.

    • Once, about 10 years ago, I was wig my family at the Jersey shore on the 4th of July and there was a blackout. Because I hate being wasteful, I figured I should drink all of the beer in the refrigerator.

      The result? Me wandering around asking anyone who would talk to me how there could be blackouts in the 21st century when we had been promised flying cars. My family reminds me of this regularly.

  4. What a bunch of stupid Frenchsters.

  5. “Oh, the airplane. Sometimes I almost wonder would it not be better had Master of the World never been written? In some multiverse existence Jules Verne has never offered us this poison pill, and we never did swallow such a tormenting vision of the future. THEY DON’T EXIST, BOYS, LET’S ALL MOVE ON. What I’m saying is, we would all love it, and it has driven mankind for well on a score and two years, but it’s time to let the dream die. Because not only do airplanes not exist and will never exist, but our futile attempts to convince ourselves otherwise is opening a whole other can of worms. Sometimes it is nice to simply have dreams and hold them in your heart and know that we live in an imperfect and often disappointing world, but that it has to be enough. Even in the face of some sort of existentialist absurdity, it has to be enough. Because if it’s not, and if we refute what is real, then what we end up with is this lumpy, disgusting, gigantic glider made out of what, painted balsa wood? Floating 120 feet with the use of lift and your brother standing around in Kitty Hawk to make sure you don’t die and at the end you’re like “wait, was that it?” Yeah. That was it.” — Elisha Gabriel Delahaye, Editor of The Videogum Daily Register and Advertiser — December 18, 1903

  6. Can I? Can I? Ok, I will.

    “Great Scott!”

    “Heavy!”

  7. wait. they went through all that trouble to try and make the hover board? i guess they didn’t get the announcement about the nike air mags? that’s when i gave up on my hover board

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