I feel like the Internet is just this insatiable swamp beast that is constantly trying to sneak out of its swamp and eat us alive, and nothing will kill it, not even fire, so the only thing that we can do to stay alive is just constantly feed it things that it thinks are more delicious than the human heart, but you’ve got to be fast or else it’ll GETCHA. Another VERY GOOD analogy for the Internet would be that scene in the first Leprechaun movie starring Warwick Davis and Jennifer Aniston when the people learn that one of the myths of the Leprechaun is that he has to shine every pair of shoes that he he comes into contact with, so they gather all the shoes in the house into a garbage bag and just whip the shoes at him, and he’s so angry because now he has to shine all these shoes before he can go murder some fools, but myths are myths and those shoes aren’t going to shine themselves. In this metaphor, we are the people in the house, the Internet is the Leprechaun, and lazy, emptily nostalgic, low-rez pop culture mashing garbage is a bag of shoes. As if to prove my point, the scene that I’m talking about is on YouTube and it has more than 150k views.

This picture of Pee Wee Herman standing with Darth Vader out to hold the Internet off for a little while, but we don’t have much time. We’ve got to get to higher ground. RUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! (Click through to enlarge. Via IHeartChaos.)

Comments (20)
  1. Release your anger, Peewee. But please, not in public places.

  2. How can the internet be hungry? We just had a pizza party last night!

  3. Now Pee Wee, this is one of my personal favorite parts of the Death Star tour. Please say hello to our residents, Pedro and his wife Inez. Inez is holding a clay pot that she seems very proud of. She has carefully detailed it with lots of paint and glaze. And Pedro is working on an “adobe.” Can you say that with me? “Adobe”.

  4. they should re-do that franchise with her playing the new leprechaun:

  5. In its defense, it might just be that the internet is hungover. Not that I can empathize with that this morning or anything. Not at all. Now would you all be dears and draw the blinds?

  6. Looks like Pee Wee finally upgraded Konkie.

  7. Actually the Internet will not be satisfied until we see a picture of someone at a Halloween party as Darth Vader in a Pee-Wee Herman costume.

  8. What if the Monsters are the leprechauns, Gabe and Kelly are gathering up the shoes to throw at us every 45 minutes, and we shine them by commenting or else we’d have to do our actual work.

    More shoes!

  9. Vader: “i AM your FATHER.”
    PeeWee: “i know you are but what am i?”

  10. In Leprechaun was there anyone who just commented on the bag of shoes?
    (Asking for a friend)

  11. Why didn’t Jennifer Aniston just run the leprechaun over?

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