Wahlburgers, the hamburger restaurant opened by Mark and Donnie Wahlberg, is finally OPEN FOR BUSINESS! Last night’s opening night was a star-studded gala event including such celebrities as Mark Wahlberg and Donnie Wahlberg. Also their mother. And apparently Anderson Cooper. And from the looks of this picture, Lance Armstrong or something? It’s hard to say. Let’s just assume that that’s Lance Armstrong because it’s way more fun to assume that than to figure out who it really is. Anyway, the restaurant is full of wonderful background stories that people will be telling their families about over the next 100 years of eating there. Like this one:

“This is in the spirit of the family,” said Donnie Wahlberg, referencing a menu that includes a Triple Decker. (“Like the house we grew up in.”)

Cook what you know. There is also a reality TV show in the works, maybe, and the child’s menu includes an item called the “smahlburger.” It’s called fine dining. Sam Sifton said it’s a poem to burgerness. I love this restaurant so much. It’s called Wahlburgers! It’s a burger restaurant opened by Mark and Donnie Wahlberg. Say hello to your STOMACH for me. (I hope McDonald’s doesn’t sue me, but I’m lovin’ THIS.)

Caption this photo from the opening night of Wahlburgers, the hamburger restaurant opened by Mark and Donnie Wahlberg. Winner will receive special SAUCEMENT (there we go) in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. (Photo via FilmDrunk.)

Comments (81)
  1. Upon learning that Anderson Cooper had dined there, Wahlburgers was immediately shut down for health code violations.

  2. I’m just waiting for Jon Hamm and Mary Steenburgen to jump on the bandwagon.

  3. So…wait…I’m confused. The house they grew up in had three decks? What does anyone need with three decks?

  4. The Biter #WahlburgersBurgers

  5. Andersoon Cooper was there to explore some new ground, after it was revealed that he’s never tasted beef before.

  6. Looks like it’s wahl to wahl celebrities in there.

  7. “Alright; which one of you stole the Kevin Bacon off my Wahlburger?”

  8. Wait till they get a load of my Dirk Diggler brand mashed potatoes and the special sauce surprise found in those aforementioned mashed potatoes

  9. Wahlburgers, where the owner wears a backwards baseball cap opening night

  10. Imagine Wahl the burgers
    I couldn’t if I tried
    Dining with Anderson Cooper
    Fecal strep-covered fries

  11. Every Sunday they feature the Funky Brunch.

  12. Forget opening night, I’m waiting for the Funky Brunch.

  13. I will dine here as soon as I’m finished shopping at Sarah McLachlan’s Ceramic Clock Land

  14. looks like a happening place!

  15. Does anyone else notice that the guy at the end of the table decided to pass on a burger and just stick with a salad?

  16. Not to be outdone, Billy and Stephen plan to open a hat store titled BaldWIN.

  17. I guess the empty plate at the head of the table is for Elijah.

  18. Occupy Wahl-Burgers.

  19. Opening night was followed by the Funky Brunch the next day.

  20. With the raging success of their first establishment the two brothers began phase two of their business plan: A chain of drugstores called “Wahlgreens” and a chain of superstores called “The Superstore From Two Brothers Named Mark and Donnie”

  21. “This is in the spirit of the family,” said Donnie Wahlberg, referencing the lack of any other tables or patrons besides his immediate family. (“Like the house we grew up in.”)

  22. Pictured: The Kitchen Staff

  23. Pictured reverse clockwise: Mark Wahlberg, Mark Wahlberg’s mother, Anderson Cooper, Packy Sullivan (Mark Wahlberg’s golf caddy), Walter White (Cambridge Edition) and some sort of eyeless lizard.

  24. “Anderson Cooper Has Dinner At Wahlburgers” sounds like a “You Can Make It Up.” Worlds Been Had Colliding.

  25. They don’t pump ketchup. They only pump positive vibes.

  26. “Donnie Wahlberg? Never heard of him.” -Donnie Wahlberg’s mother

  27. Burger Nights.

    (Too obvious? Unsavory associations with meat that’s been adulterated and performances that were sweaty and undercooked?)

  28. Melissa Leo was last seen with dyed red pigtails, muttering something about “getting into character” while clutching a chocolate Frosty.

  29. Ben Stiller scraps plans for new vegetarian restaurant ‘Greenburgers.’

  30. Other menu items include:

    Mixed Greens (“Like the carpets in our house”)
    Potato Chips (“Marky’s favorite childhood snack”)
    Skinny Fries (“Like Christian Bale”)

  31. Just glad they rename the rooftop bar Roofies whenever it’s Ladies’ Night.

  32. Sure Wahlburgers is The New Kids on the Block but we have a The Sixth Sense it will be The Happening place for people looking for The Perfect Storm Date Night. Accept no The Substitute! This Band of Brothers is Invincible!! The Big Hit! etc.

  33. “When you’re here, you’re a creepy violent douchebag… You know, family.

  34. “This is in the spirit of the family,” said Donnie Wahlberg, “That’s why Mark financed the whole thing and introduced me to the manager to audition for the grillman.”

  35. “Are you eyeing my lemon drink?”

  36. “If this $6 Burger costs $10, why are we calling it The $6 Burger?”

  37. but is it kosher?

  38. After I finished ordering, Mark asked me what I wanted to drink. I said a Coke. Then he made a farting noise with his mouth and said “What’s the matter, smartass, you don’t wanna try the fuckin’ shakes here?”

  39. I own this restaurant. Nawt you, nawt you and nawt you.

  40. is it just me or is there a row of chairs blocking an entrance in the background?

    Maybe they had to barricade out the masses of wahlburger die-hards and anderson cooper fans so they could enjoy a savoury meal in peace.

  41. Mark Wahlberg introduces Anderson Cooper to beef, says hello to his own mother.

  42. “You know what this place needs? MORE BAKED CLAMS!”

  43. Come to Wahlburgers and try out “Wicked Pissah” special sauce.

  44. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  45. Sorry, Mark and Donny, but I’m holding out for George Micheal’s new restaurant Wham!Burger.

  46. Haha. Mark’s Wahlburger doesn’t even have a bun.
    #healthyliving #southbeach #atkins #lowcarb #late1990s

  47. This place is about a minute away from my house. I should go take pictures of it so you can see how weird of a location it’s in.

  48. It took me an hour to get it but that “say hello to your STOMACH” line killed me!
    I need some sleep.

  49. Wat, a sproat?

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