Wassup dudes and dudettes, check out this hip new webspace that is STRICTLY 5 TEENS. It’s called ChatAboutJesus.com and it’s NO ATHEISTS ALLOWED! Da bomb! Check out this fresh ad for the homepage, my word is my bond, and you can also watch this video streaming on your XBOX probably, I think some kids know how to do that. Radical!

You might think that God doesn’t love you, but Brad says that he does. So stop listening to heavy metal and black rap and start getting in touch with Our Lord and Savior. If you think Batman has what it takes to clean up Arkham Asylum, you should see what God can do with the human heart! Pro-Tip: hold an acoustic guitar in your avatar. (That goes for every website, not just ChatAboutJesus.com.) Vitamin Water! (Via @EugeneMirman.)

Comments (53)
  1. How do I know??


  2. And remember, teens: if all your sexts are anal, you’re still technically saving yourself for marriage.

  3. As an adult with needs, I like to hang out at ChatAboutEros.com.

  4. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  5. Is it as obvious to everyone else that this guitar kid is definitely trying to get in this girl’s pants?

  6. “So wh4tvr u w1sh th4t 0thrz wou1d do 2u, do also 2 them, 4 th1s z the L4w N the Pr0phets.”
    - M4tt 7.12

  7. ChatAboutJesus.com Protip: Jesus will never ask you to bring a pack of wine coolers, some McDonalds and condoms to a prayer meeting.

  8. so is he awkwardly flirting or not? Maybe it’s for the best that she ignored his declaration of love.

    But “Brad would say God loves you?” Are we making fun of Brad, or do we agree, because you can just say “God loves you.”

    Also, no real teenager uses ‘their’ correctly.

  9. I’d like to chat about Jesus, too. I payed him 20 dollars, like I do every week, but this week the lawn looks MAYBE 1/2 mowed and there are weeds all around my prize-winning hydrangeas.

  10. I can’t wait until the Hallmark Channel special undercover investigation, To Catch An Athiest.

    • I heard they were going to start a show called, “To Catch A Hypocritical Christian”, but they realized they’d need to create an entire new channel to do it justice so they put it on the back burner.

  11. That girl looks way too happy to be thinking her god doesn’t love her.

  12. Looks like this will replace SmarterChild as the preeminent teen counselor

  13. Is anyone attempting to chat about Jesus and stuff?

  14. I know some Christians, the kind who quote specific verses and are super-upbeat all the time, and think Catholicism is a cult, and got married when they were 22 because that was long enough to go without trying sex, thanks. And of everyone I know (except maybe people in bands) they are absolutely the most concerned about appearing to be cool. At all times. They put just gobs of effort into it, I mean they live and breathe the effort. What I am trying to say is, they all hold guitars in their avatars.

  15. I don’t know, you guys. I’ve got some mixed feelings about this one.

    On the one hand, as an atheist, this seems pretty silly and ripe for laughs. But at the same time, being a teenager can kinda suck sometimes. From these ads, it seems like this website is mostly just reaching out to kids having a tough time of it.

  16. “You might think that God doesn’t love you, but Brad says that he does.” Correction, Brad says he probably does. Don’t get this girl’s hopes up, Gabe.

  17. I guess I don’t get what is ridiculous about this. Don’t get me wrong most everything that Christians make to try to seem cool come out as complete shit. This just seems like a place like minded people can go to chat about something. It seems kind of like what we do in the comments.

    Full disclosure: I am Christian so maybe that has something to do with it.

  18. Wait, who’s Brad! Is he like Tom from Myspace?

  19. You guys! I changed my avatar to a pic with an acoustic guitar… and now Jesus loves me!

  20. Batman is so terrible at cleaning up Arkham that it has gone from being an asylum to being an entire city.On a less important there is totes a god you guys.

  21. Umm ok i love the fact of talking to teens about talking about jesus, but its out of line to throw in the part about death metal and black rap. just becuase some people listen to it doesn’t mean they don’t love God. I personally love death metal, because that’s what i grew up listening to, but i have gone to church my whole life. its just part of me. and it has turned me to loving christian hard rock music even more due to my heavy metal background. so yeah. don’t go telling people to stop doing something because you believe its wrong. as long as they believe in God and jesus then you have no right to tell them what is right or wrong. because the bible says not to judge, for it is a sin to judge others by your own thoughts. I am 18 and going to college to be a youth pastor, i understand what this article was saying, but the part about death metal and black rap is out of line. stuff like that is what turns youth away from christianity, because people judge them.

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