The Town

It’s hard out there for a shrimp. Gotta get on that hustle, get on that grind. Ain’t no nostalgia in this shit right here. Hold on, I totally want to enter into a dangerous life of crime, but do you know if The Town is available on Netflix Instant Qwikster Netflix Instant? From NBC New York:

Police say a prolific burglary crew in New York City took cues from the bank heist drama “The Town.” Police say the burglars splashed bleach on ATMs and cash drawers to try to destroy DNA evidence. They also cut power to their target locations and used miners’ headlamps to see what they were doing in the dark.

An NYPD spokesman said Tuesday that the suspects told detectives they’d watched the bad guys in the Ben Affleck-directed film do the same thing.

Hahahha. Good work, boys. You’re in the gang! If you were going to use a movie to learn how to rob banks, wouldn’t you use a better movie? I feel like watching The Town is a very good way to learn how to bury a duffel bag full of cash in some weird community garden, or whatever, but when it comes to the actual robberies, not so much. THEY TRY AND ROB A SPOILER ALERT BASEBALL STADIUM AND IT’S RIDICULOUS. Come on, crooks. Get your head in the crime game. If you’re going to use a movie to learn how to be the cat and be here to steal, you should really watch Sean Connery’s and Catherine Zeta-Jones’s 1999 film, Entrapment. WHAT IF YANKEE STADIUM HAS A LASER FIELD AND YOU HAVE TO BUTT DANCE THROUGH IT? Dame Jeremy Renner will be of no use to you then. Use your noodles, hamburglars.

Comments (21)
  1. I am suing the production company of The Town because it was less like Sex in the City than I believed it would be based on the name.

  2. I have a hard time believing someone from New York City would watch a movie about Boston.

  3. Am I the only one who thinks cutting off the power to the alarm and contaminating the crime scene with bleach sound like pretty smart ideas for a burglary crew? I know we’re making fun here, but the article does say they’re prolific.

    • Hey, I’m a prolific writer, but it doesn’t mean anyone but me likes my Harry Potter/Twilight slash fanfic. (And even I’m on the fence about it.)

    • If they were truly criminal savants, they would have used Mission Impossible face/voice removal technology; any effort below this standard is sophomoric at best.

  4. I sure hope they watched The Shawshank Redemption, too.

  5. Unfortunately, they were caught after they tried to learn how to drive by watching Drive.

  6. I’m sorry, I only get my tips on how to be a thief from really classic films (not now, Kato!):

  7. “I’m ready to drive the car!”

  8. They should have taken lessons from Heat. But maybe they were reluctant to wear a Val Kilmer ponytail or Robert DeNiro goatee.

  9. How has The Town not been in the WMOAT yet?

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