What is the scariest thing that has ever happened to you? A couple weeks ago, I tied my dog to a parking meter and ran into the bodega to buy a tomato, or whatever, and when I came back out for a split second I thought she was gone. Really, I had just looked the wrong way and in fact she was right where I left her, but for a split second I had an honest-to-God heart attack. Like, if I was not the prime 67-year-old specimen of perfect health that I am today, if I were, say, 10 or even just five years older, then I probably would have died, so intense was the momentary shock. Sooooo, that was pretty scary? I don’t know. I’m not sure that I have a real story. My life is kind of amazing and perfect? And I’m super tough, so nothing scares me? Just kidding. If I get up at night to go to the bathroom in the dark, I have to open the medicine cabinet so that the mirror faces the shower curtain because I am too scared to see some weird dark reflection in the mirror and possibly a monster and/or ghost and/or escaped convict behind me. It’s a fun story because of how much I AM AN ADULT. Still, though, these are just cute little stories compared to Katherine Chloe Cahoon’s Halloween-themed new video about the time she ate dinner with the whole football team in a dorm cafeteria and then was…uh…almost…raped…in the shower? JESUS CHRIST!
The moral of the story is WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN GOING ON HERE?! Happy Halloween? YIIIIIIIIIIIIKES! Stay safe out there, you guys. Be careful around shower cur-TAINs. And learn how to tackle people wearing only a towel? I don’t know! I’m scared! (Thanks for the tip, Lauren.)