GREAT NEWS! I have absolutely perfect news. Limp Bizkit’s Fred Durst, who penned your favorite song of the ’90s, “Nookie,” and your second favorite song of the ’90s, “Break Stuff,” and directed your favorite movie that you have on your Netflix queue because Jesse Eisenberg is on the cover but probably you won’t ever watch it, The Education of Charlie Banks, is going to star in a sitcom for CBS! ABOUT HIS OWN (not really, though) (he wishes!) LIFE! From Deadline:

[Fred Durst] has partnered with CBS TV Studios-based producers Eric and Kim Tannenbaum on a half-hour comedy project, which he will star in and produce. The untitled comedy, sometimes referred to as Douchebag, has received a script commitment. It centers around a rock legend looking for balance between his high profile lifestyle and trying to raise a family.

!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s all I can say about this one — lots of exclamation points. Obviously it already has the BEST name, I can’t even believe Hollywood got it so right, and it has the best cast, no matter who else is in it. But. WILL IT ALSO HAVE THE BEST CATCHPHRASE? (Yes.)

  • “It’s just one of those days.”
  • “Honey. I’m a rock legend.” (“OOOooooooooohhhhhhh.” -Studio audience every time.)
  • “I’m a real douchebag.”
  • “Honey, that’s great, but…WHERE’S MY CAP?”
  • “Who am I, Jonathan Davis over here?”
  • “Everything is fucked. Everybody sucks.” (Studio audience erupts in awwwwws, which gradually turn into furious applause every time.)
  • “My biscuit is…LIIIIIIIIIIIMP.” (Said whenever Fred Durst is holding an actual biscuit, which will be often, and the whole studio audience joins in when he says “liiiiiiiiimp.”)

Oh my goodness I can’t even express how excited I am for this absolutely for sure terrible TV show. Though if there’s no Wes Borland cameo I might have to throw all my TVs out the window. IT’S JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS!

Comments (41)
  1. That’s So Raven

  2. Where’d you hide the cookies?

  3. *Fred breaks a dish*

    Fred’s Wife: Aw, Fred. Why’d you go and do that?

    *Fred looks at studio audience*

    Fred: The nookie?

    *Uproarious applause*

  4. it’s probably just going to be an update of a sitcom from the mid-80′s but with yelling.

  5. This show is prettay, prettay, prettay bad.

  6. “Fred Durst. Fred. Durst. F-R-E-D. D-U… Listen, I was the lead singer in Limp Bizkit. Limp Bizkit. We were big in like 98-99. No, not in Europe. We were big in the U.S. We played Woodstock ’99. No, that wasn’t the one where they threw mud at Green Day, that was in 94. We played the one where the audience started fires and there were rapes… Wait! I’m getting off the subject. The point is, my name is Fred Durst and I’d really like to you cash this royalty check for $21.73 from last years sales of the Mission Impossible II soundtrack so I can get over to McDonalds and order a McGriddle before they stop serving them at 10:30.” — Fred Durst New Catchphrase

  7. “I wanna dip my balls in it!”

  8. “For better or Durst.”

  9. “Whatever, I’m going to trim my jaw-line maker.”

  10. “I’d buy that for a dollar!”

    It double-works, because that’s probably the only thing he CAN afford to buy at this point.

  11. Wife: “Freeeed! What is going on here?! The baby has ruined the entire house and demolished the kitchen! Men cannot take care of children! Gah!”

    Fred Durst: “Sorry honey! He did it all for the COOKIES!”

    Wife: “C’mon.”

    Fred Durst: “The cookies.”

    Wife: “C’mon”

    Etc. etc.

  12. I don’t care much for catch phrases, but If he doesn’t have a neighbor named Joey “Puddle Of” Mudd, they will have lost me as a viewer from the start.

    • And he’ll always be getting Fred involved in his schemes, and Fred’s wife will always be mad at him,a nd then Joey will be all “she fuckin’ hates me!”

      • Every Week, Joey will have some loot gained through a grift, or random accumulated goods, or ill gotten gains; and the cops or rightful owners/victims of his crimes will come confront him to take back whatever Joey’s stolen to mount on the hood of his trailer park home; every week, he will sink to his knees and cry, “And You TAKE IT ALL AWWAAAYYY!!!” Every. Week.

        I Guess I Do like Catch Phrases

  13. Why does CBS feel like it must constantly prove who terrible it is? We trust you little overachiever, you are the hurter of comedy souls.

  14. “Quench your Durst.”

  15. Obviously, his catchphrase will be what he says before he starts any of his misadventures.

    Fred: “Well, we’d better get ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN”

    Audience: “WHAT!”

  16. “A Very Soggy Bizkit”

  17. “I did it all for the money.”

  18. Okay, I’m going to admit something here. One night me, the wife, and sister in-law all watched “The Education of Charlie Banks”… and you know what? It wasn’t that bad. Jessie Eisenberg mumbled some stuff and looked uncomfortable, and Josh Ritter stomped some people’s heads.

    It wasn’t that good either.

  19. STICK IT UP YOUR YEAH

  20. This is coming out in 2012, right? Yep, right on time.

  21. the Who cover

  22. “Now I know y’all be lovin’ this SIT-COM here, my C-B-S SIT-COM is right here!”

    The adventures of the only musician talented enough to rhyme a word with the same word.

  23. “Up your noze with a rubber hoze!”

  24. @#!$ My Chocolate Starfish Says.

  25. smittyballs  |   Posted on Oct 14th, 2011 0

    “Give me something to break.”

    (a lady hands Fred a coffee mug)

    “How ’bout your fucking face?!”

    (Fred punches the lady in her fucking face)

  26. I’m in agreeance?

  27. no Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water jokes?

  28. You wanted the worst? You got the worst.

    YOU AIN’T SHIT! AHAHAHAHAH! YOU AIN’T SHIT MOTHERFUCKER! AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA

  29. “Aw, Limp Bizkit.” – Fred Durst, lead singer of Limp Bizkit

  30. You been Douched!!!!

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.