Oh no! Bad news, young girls and men (?!) (you’ll see). Courtney Stodden has been forcibly removed from Facebook. Apparently this has been happening a lot, but also it is happening again now. Oh no! Not Facebook! Well, don’t worry. The high-powered legal mind of Courtney Stodden’s mom is ON THA CAZE. From E!:

“It’s the jealousy from the women towards her,” [Krista] Keller exclusively tells E! News. “The men love her, the women hate her. The women report the photo because it’s so easy to do. You just click a button. They think she’s too sexy, they all report her together, and it’s done.”

The rule of Occam’s Bikini dictates that Courtney Stodden is DEFINITELY too sexy. And her mom (BEST MOM) makes a pretty solid argument, your honors. Very justice. And now, for the closing arguments:

“A lot of men and young girls love her page, but when the wives see their husbands on her page, they team up to get Courtney kicked off!” Keller adds. “When Facebook gets enough reports on one page, it locks her out.”

WHEN THE WIVES SEE THEIR HUSBANDS ON HER PAGE, THEY TEAM UP. Boom. Drops the gavel, walks off the stage. This is OUR generation’s A Few Good Men. This guy knows what I’m talking about:

Remember when Courtney Stodden’s 51-year-old husband was on Lost? Wouldn’t it be neat if that was the reason we were still talking about him? (I am just kidding, no one is talking about him. Not now and not then either.) Something something polar bears! What’s in the hatch, is it HEAVEN? Nope! It’s Courtney Stodden’s Facebook page. LOST!

Comments (37)
  1. I like how she assumes that any woman, upon catching her husband looking at suggestive photos of a 16-year old, is going to immediately be upset with the underage girl.

  2. Well, that certainly is one way to interpret the situation. Also, and this might just be my super repressed midwestern lutheran upbringing leaking through, but if my mother ever described me as sexy I would set myself on fire. That just seems weird! Whatever happened to backhanded compliments, like “You could be so pretty if you did your makeup and cut your hair”. Moms today, sheesh.

  3. Fortunately, her Linked In profile is still going strong.

  4. So basically, Courtney Stodden’s Facebook page is some sort of a magnet for other people who are also in terrible marriages. Is there some kind of Newtonian-style law of human behavior we can draw from this?

    • Not Newtonian, but there are Stodden-based laws of pervodynamics:

      The 0th: If two pervs are both looking at Courtney Stodden’s facebook page, they are in pervequilibrium with each other but that is totally not gay.

      The 1st: Marital discord can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only be changed into pervy searching on the internet.

      The 2nd: The total perviness of the system (measured by PVsubS (Stodden pageviews)) can only increase over time.

      The 3rd: As bandwidth approaches zero, the perviness of the system approaches zero.

  5. At the risk of sounding like I’m on Team Stodden here; what exactly is the deal with people reporting pages on Facebook? EXPECIALLY in this case. If you know who Courtney Stodden is well enough to look her up, then you know she is a human nightmare, and if that offends you to the point that you feel compelled to report her, then why were you even looking at her page in the first place? You not utilizing your spare time very efficiently, Courtney Stodden reporters!

    • Expecially is how they spell especially in Canada.

    • You Do Realize that the FCC doesn’t listen to nor watch broadcasts to monitor for offensive content; it’s driven solely by people who take time to write letters to complain about how they were offended. Only when they reach a threshold of complaints do they investigate.
      What I’m saying is, there are a lot of Nosy, Know Nothing BUZZKILLS that have nothing better to do with their time* than write letters to the FCC in an attempt to see nothing BUT their sanitized views on society reflected on Television and Radio.

      *As I sit on the internet complaining and shit talking all day…

      • I know; I have a special place in the opposite of my heart for the PTC. When Bono said “fuck” on live television, the FCC received 234 complaints. 217 were from the PTC. Fuck those guys. They’re ruining it for the rest of us.

      • Anyone complaining to Facebook about this is complaining to the wrong group. Child Protective Services is MUCH more effective.

  6. “I got kicked off of Facebook for sending too many Mafia Wars Updates”

  7. “Don’t take down my facebook, D-D-D-D-D-Dont” – Courtney Stodden

  8. Ah, the old “jealous bitches” argument. Rarely true, and seldom used by anyone we should actually be jealous of.

    • My mom grounded me for taking her car out in the middle of the night without telling her, getting all drunk, piercing my nipples and then driving home and bashing the car into the garage door. She just jealous.

  9. I’m the only reason my husband even knows she exists, and he thinks she is the scourge of humanity. Figure that one out, Courtney’s mom!

  10. And then there’s this: https://twitter.com/#!/CourtneyStodden
    She writes like a bad Christian romance novelist.

  11. worse things could happen – my girlfriend saw me looking at courtney’s facebook page and now has started to dress and act like her.

  12. I think Occam’s Bikini was an episode of Pacific Blue

  13. Her therapist is failing her.
    “Her” in this case can mean either Courtney or her mom.

  14. Guys, Courtney’s mom’s rationale is just completely illogical. Has anyone told her how illogical she’s being?

  15. hahaha, mad lulz, lmfao, etc…
    i really have no comment, other than that Courtney Stodden gif you guys (videogum) use gets me every time. The lips!

  16. “As I languidly log into my lascivious Facebook, I notice I’ve been cruelly kicked off again! Mmm, I smell jealousy! And coconut-scented lotion!! ;-P”

  17. Doesn’t Courtney’s mom know that everyone hates her, man and woman alike? And honestly, even as someone who would give my left nut to sleep with the girl, there really shouldn’t be trashy pics of sixteen year olds all over facebook. This is one case where I’m siding with the moms.

    Have you read Courtney’s twitter? It seems the only things she loves more than old dick are herself and alliteration.

  18. She looks like Zuul.

    And not in that sexy Dana Barrett rise above the sheets when Bill Murray comes to visit way. She literally looks like she’s been possessed by a demigod who worships Gozar the Gozarian.

    • “Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the Rectification of the Vuldronaii, the Traveler came as a large moving Torb! Then, during the Third Reconciliation of the Last of the Meketrex Supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Sloar! Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Sloar that day, I can tell you!”

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