If you live in New York City you’ve probably seen these PSAs on the train, warning against riding on the outside of subway cars. “The only safe ride is a ride in side — get in the train, not on it,” they say. And every time I see them I think, “What a ridiculous thing, I can’t believe that this is a PSA. Riding outside the train is not a thing that exists and I definitely do not believe it at all.” Those exact words every time. It honestly seems to me like something that 4chan invented to trick Oprah, and now moms across America are grounding their kids about it. “I can’t believe you go to school and just ride around on the outside of subway cars all day!” “That is just DISGUSTING!” Because, ah! How could riding on the outside of a subway car be a thing that people do!!!?? Obviously you are going to die doing that! You have like a 50% chance of dying on the INSIDE of a subway car! THAT’S A TRUE FACT! But obviously I, as usual, was just very naive. Apparently it IS a thing that people do. They put their bodies on the outside of subway cars while the subway cars are going and then that’s where they stay for the whole ride. On the outside. 

PLEASE STOP DOING THIS! THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA! YOU HAVE A 100% CHANCE OF DYING! I’m not going to look into it because I don’t want to know, but I’m sure, since this is a thing that actually exists, that many people HAVE died doing it. And I don’t want to make light of that. BUT, PLEASE, WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING IT? I understand it only slightly more than this subway nightmare. All of you, please quit it. Don’t ride on the subways. And my goodness, please don’t have subway parties. And definitely don’t have dinners on the subway. Please stop all of it. It’s all wrong. Maybe you shouldn’t even go on the subway anymore. Maybe no one should. This whole subway experiment is just not working out. (Via Gothamist.)

Comments (19)
  1. I’m not an advocate of hitting kids by any stretch, but each and every person who has or has even considered riding on the outside of a subway car deserves a parent to come down to where they live and smack them really hard on the back of the head while screaming “What the fuck are you even thinking?????

  2. I like how his friend says he’s a professional, as if this is something you can do as a job, I got my Master’s in riding outside subway cars

  3. seriously! it’s getting out of control!

  4. I once rode on the outside of the Submarine Ride at Disneyland. I turned out alright.

  5. This is gonna sound pretty dark, but if you’re stupid enough to do this, you kinda deserve to die. Sorry.

  6. “Surf the train and you could be wiped out – forever.” – The MTA

  7. It’s the shoelaces! They’re too long!

  8. Yesterday’s xkcd certainly seems appropriate

  9. This guy really fucked up by smiling. How are you gonna go to all the trouble to cling to the side of a moving train and then NOT pretend like you’re chasing a criminal?

  10. I wonder what he’s listening to on his iPod. Drive soundtrack? Probably Drive soundtrack.

  11. It’s like that Twilight Zone episode, but stupid.

  12. What do you do if you’re stuck on a train with one of these assholes and you basically have to sit and wait for something terrible to happen. This whole thing is giving me an anxiety attack.

    I honestly hate this person.

  13. did he not see the end of speed? how is that not a thing he is scared of?!

  14. This has been happening since at LEAST the 40s. Jack Kerouac’s friend got his head chopped off from sticking his head out the window (when subway cars had windows). I hate to say it, but this is just Darwinism at work and the only thing that really upsets me about this is that it slows down my commute.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.