I used to work with some people who played Farmville. They’d say things like, “Soandso gave me a cow! Awww, thanks, soandso!” They’d always say it out of nowhere and it would be confusing for a minute and I’d think, “Our coworker GAVE YOU A COW? Do you both own land somewhere? You know how to take care of cows?” But then it would become obvious that they were talking about Farmville. And then somehow I was the foolish one. Anyway those people are definitely going to be so excited about this news, coming from Toy Story writers Alec Sokolow and Joel Cohen. From IGN:

So, yes, we will continue writing movies. We are also working on several new and very exciting opportunities. We’re in conversations with Zynga to do something with one of their brands. Can’t really say too much on that front yet, but ‘Old MacDonald’ didn’t have a factory, if you get our drift.

Ugh, yes we get your drift. The unfortunate thing about this, I think, is that the movie is probably going to be so far removed from the actual idea of Farmville (since the idea is, like, a pixillated farm trading game that exists mainly on Facebook?) that it probably won’t even be that bad. Toy Story was good! I’m pretty confident that the writers of Toy Story can create a fine movie based loosely on the idea of a farm. It’s just too bad that they have to say it’s a Farmville movie because, gross, very gross, please no, gross. I’m not even completely convinced that advertising it as a movie about Farmville is even a better marketing idea than just as a new cartoon thing from the writers of Toy Story. Do that many people care about Farmville anymore? Can you even PLAY Farmville on the new Facebook, or do you just have to watch what all of your friends are listening to on Spotify and then that’s it? (Very good Facebook zing.) If I were in charge of the Hollywood Farmville initiative I would try to think of a way to bring in the non-Farmville people, like these very well thought-out and creative ways:

  • Don’t put Farmville in the title of the movie.
  • Advertise for what seems like two different movies, one about Farmville and one not about Farmville, but in reality they are the same movie that IS actually about Farmville.
  • The tagline can be something like, “A normal cartoon about activities on a farm.”
  • Or the tagline can be something like, “A cartoon to take your family to see.”
  • Oohh, have the characters from Toy Story go on different radio shows and talk about it. Or if any TV shows exist at that point where computer animated characters are guests regularly.
  • Something that makes fun of Angry Birds should be in one of the trailers, but in a timeless and charming way.
  • This can be the title and tagline: Farm Life: “Life ain’t easy on the farm.”

Everyone will see this movie and everyone will love it. I’m hired for this job!

Comments (32)
  1. I’m excited at the prospect of paying for the movie with cattle and crops.

  2. …and an unreasonable chunk of my adulthood.

  3. That’s pretty cool, I guess. But I’m holding out for the Words with Friends movie.

  4. explainer guy has sold his corn crop in order to dig himself a gravesite **shotgun blast**

    ps. is this how farmville updates work? i blocked it in 2007.

  5. You know, people come down pretty hard on these “Angry Birds,” “FarmVille” movies, but are they any better than other videogame movies?

    • No, they are worse. Much, much worse. I mean, most videogame movies are bad, but they are (usually) based on titles that have SOME sort of storyline, so there’s at least potential to make a movie. Farmville and Angry Birds are momentary diversions, lacking in plot and characters.

      • I think that would be more of an asset because, lets face it, a majority of videogames have weird story lines that have to be at the very least acknowledged (would Super Mario Brothers been as bad is there were no videogame franchise to compare it to?). The lack of stories here allows the producers to pick and choose what aspects they want to include and the best way to implement them.

      • The Wizard was based on a video game and that movie was AWESOME.

        • I like where your heart is, but the Wizard was a movie about a video game prodigy. It wasn’t based on any game. Now if you excuse me, I have to go upstairs to bother Brian the Astronauts mom for some hot pockets.

          • Fine, it was a giant commercial for Super Mario 3 and the Power Glove and the upcoming NES World Championship that was touring convention centers that whole summer. And it holds up as such… which is to say brilliantly.

  6. I have never played Farmville since it just seems so stupid and pointless.
    - Mafia Wars player*

    *me

  7. The opening scene sets up the dramatic conflict right away. A farmer and his wife are quietly playing Words With Friends on the porch when their livestock is suddenly swept up into the sky by a flock of angry birds. The rest pretty much writes itself.

  8. I assume I’ll be seeing this movie many times, mostly because my grandma will be trying to invite me to see it every single day.

  9. You don’t get to 500 million friends without having most of them block your posts or remove you from their friend list entirely.

  10. Shouldn’t they wait 10 years so we can get nostalgic for Farmville first?

  11. If I go to a movie that turns out to be about Farmville, I’m bringing a lawsuit.

  12. This reminds of me of when Bill Murray signed on to do Garfield because he thought Joel Cohen was Joel Coen. Good rememory.

    • That reminds me of the time I watched the first five seasons of Desperate Housewives because I thought Nicolette Sheridan was Nicole Sheridan.

      • This reminds me of the time I googled who Nicole Sheridan was even though I figured she might be a porn star and then some porn came up on my computer and my computer briefly froze and now i may or may not be fired.

    • Hey, so remember that Bill Murray Poetry contest? A few days ago I got an envelope labeled “POSTMASTER: PLEASE RUSH! CONTEST RESULTS ENCLOSED” and I was like, “Whaaa-aat?” and inside was a letter from the World Poetry Movement advising me that the Selection Committee has certified my poem as a semi-finalist and that furthermore if I send them $50, regardless of the outcome of the contest, my poem will appear in the beautiful “coffee table edition” of “what promises to be one of the most highly regarded collections of poetry we have ever published… STARS IN OUR HEARTS.” and I was still like, “Whaaaaaa-aaat?” and then on the second page they had my Bill Murray poem for me to carefully review for typographical errors. Actually, they had half the poem and then some text saying “Your entire poem will appear in the book. Don’t worry of some lines are missing here.” Good proofing system!

      Anyway, congratulations to me, and to any other semi-finalists (i.e., everyone who entered).

  13. Yeah, Toy Story WAS very good. Now let’s take a look at what else these guys have written:
    Toy Story (1995)
    Monster Mash: The Movie (1995)
    Money Talks (1997)
    Goodbye Lover (1998)
    Cheaper by the Dozen (2003)
    Garfield (2004)
    Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties (2006)
    Evan Almighty (2007)
    Daddy Day Camp (2007)
    Walter the Farting Dog (2010)
    Speedy Gonzales (TBA)

    With the obvious exception of the classic Walter The Farting Dog, I’m just not convinced that these guys have what it takes to make a good movie.

  14. They could name it Harvest Moon.

  15. Regarding Farmville, I read this the other day and enjoyed it, so here, everyone:
    Ian Bogost made a game to make fun of Farmville called “Cow Clicker” and it ALMOST KILLED HIM sort of:
    http://kotaku.com/5846080/the-life+changing-20-rightward+facing-cow

  16. This will probably be one of the first times uncle Lou and aunt Theresa will be more excited about a kid’s movie than their nephews

  17. Funny Farmville

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