I was going to go into talking about how I always have such a hard time trying to figure out what to be for JesusWeen, like I always have ideas throughout the year but never really remember them or act on them and when JesusWeen actually comes I just end up throwing on whatever and everyone’s always super upset like it’s any of their business anyway, but then I was looking at JesusWeen’s Facebook page and saw this:

Which makes the whole thing a LOT easier. The top is pretty much set, half the work is done. But we still have to figure out a bottom? Here are what I’m thinking for my JesusWeen bottom:

  • Mermaid
  • Cher from Clueless
  • Horse bottom
  • Spider legs
  • Humongous ween
  • Blood bottom
  • He Hate Me
  • Risky Business

Stillllllll difficult, actually. Very hard decision. (Via ChristianNightmares, Gawker)

Comments (48)
  1. I got this cool mask:

  2. Second!

  3. I’m going to dress up as common sense and freak everyone out. Either that or use Kelly’s He Hate Me idea.

  4. Wait, are we giving money to ministries that print Christian books to help the unsaved? Or are we giving the money to ministries that print Christian books OR giving it to help the unsaved? Personally, I’m giving my money to hire an editor for the Jesusween promoters.

  5. I’m thinking white flowy bottom as well. Maybe a cute white hat like this

  6. I feel like a jerry-rigged Human Centipede is the Jesusween bottom that keeps on giving.

  7. I’ve always been perplexed by the injunction against celebrating Halloween amongst my fellow Evangelicals. If the reasoning is that we should avoid anything that had roots in pagan practices, then shouldn’t we stop referring to days of the week as “Thor’s Day” and “Saturn’s Day”? Should Christmas, the time of which is tied to the winter solstice, have its date moved? Should we stop having Christmas trees? Stop using bunnies for Easter celebrations and searching for Easter eggs? They all have pagan roots.

    It’s dumb.

    • My very religious brother got married a few weeks ago, and the church’s wedding coordinator told them that they couldn’t play the traditional wedding march because it has roots in paganism. This is a guy who bought me a Bible for Christmas three years in a row, and refused to live with his fiance until they were married because it “wasn’t proper,” and even HE found that to be a bit extreme.

      • Is it me or is there a big push in Fundamentalist circles these days to sort of “purify” the movement of everything not explicitly Christian, no matter how trivial? It’s difficult for me to judge because I grew up in Brooklyn and I honestly didn’t realize how big fundamentalism was in America until I went to college, so that whole scene always feels sort of foreign to me anyway.

        • Well, getting into definitions of fundamentalism and the different ways it’s manifested in American Christianity is a pretty lengthy subject. But, generally speaking, fundamentalism came out of an early 20th century movements defined by firmly held belief to a few core theological beliefs (historicity of Jesus’ resurrection, inerrancy of scripture, etc).

          In addition, though, fundamentalism has largely been defined by how its adherents hold to strict lifestyle rules that differentiate them from “the world,” whether tea-totaling, avoiding R-rated movies, unease about celebrating Halloween, etc. These rules obviously aren’t found in the Bible itself (or followed the same way or with the same strictness by everyone who considers themselves fundamentalist), but are believed to be a key part of truly living a Christian life in all aspects.

          So, to answer your question, it’s nothing new at all. And it’s not necessarily about purifying the movement as much as not allowing it to diluted by “worldly” influence. They want to stand out as living lives wholly dedicated to their beliefs, and some of those rules we find bizarre they see as a testimony to how those beliefs guide them to a better life.

          I would also add that, while there is plenty of overlap, Evangelical does not always mean Fundamentalist, at least in the way I’ve been defining in. They do tend to hold those same core theological views, but much of evangelical culture in the last couple decades really goes out of its way to mix and engage with the “secular” world. For instance, most my evangelical friends, who do hold some very conservative theological views, have zero issue with drinking and listening to non-christian rock and rap.

      • what did he think you were doing with the Bibles that you needed a fresh one every year?

      • Folks, I found a picture of facetaco’s brother.

    • Wait, are you suggesting that religious people are hypocrites? I can’t believe it…

    • I stopped trying to make sense of Evangelicals ever since a youth pastor told me that the blue streaks in my hair weren’t a good witness. Jesus doesn’t want you doing things that make them uncomfortable.

      I also remember some very artibrary rules “from the old testament,” of course, about peircings: earrings were ok for girls, pretty much anything else symbolized slavery. The old testament was very clear about earrings being ok on girls.

  8. Jorts – perfect for every occasion.

    • 9/10 Soundgarded Guitarists agree (the 10th is wearing Cargos)

      • I know people be dissing cargo shorts these days, but fuck that noise. In the summer, when I don’t have a jacket and don’t want to have some kind of bag with me, I need those pockets for stuff like ipods and sunglass cases and whatnot.

        • Real heros – real human beings – they carry things. Many things. Sure, iPods and sunglass cases, but also: knives to fend of bears and tools for fixing things and maybe a variety of medicines for healing people. Real people need real shorts with pockets. Many pockets.

          To be honest, I’m not sure I trust anyone that doesn’t have pockets. Would you? Think about it. Who typically doesn’t wear a uniform with pockets? People in suits…but tell me something, who would you rather hand your money over to, to handle your defense: a Lawyer in a two piece suit with barely any pockets…or a lawyer wearing this bad boy:

          “Your honour…Would a guilty man hire a lawyer with this many pockets? I rest my case.”

    • SoundgardeN. The D is for I ‘D’eliberately put a D in there.

  9. i am a Christian. i am so so sorry, guys.

  10. I don’t know what my costume will be. All I know is that I will be ready for houses that are just passing out Bibles.

    • The best thing about your post is that now I know how to test an egg for freshness, so when my wife says “Do you think these are still fresh?”, I will have an irrefutable empirical test to perform rather than the pat “I’m sure it’s fine.”

  11. What if I want to COMBINE the two holidays? I’m going as Barack Obama celebrating Jesusween. Everybody will think it’s ironic, but for different reasons.

  12. Did you know you can buy an assembled JesusWeen costume? It’s true!

  13. Dibs on Sexy Jesus

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