Russell Brand seems to me like he must be one of the most insufferable people on Earth to know in real life. ON EARTH! Having Russell Brand and Katy Perry over for dinner is probably the last thing that any Hollywood couple wants to do. And one of them is always like, “Ugh, you know we have to though.” And the other one is like, “Seriously? But, do we really have to?” And the first was gives them a look that means, “Unfortunately of course we have to, and you know that.” Because of some Hollywood thing where they have to have people over for dinner. How has he ever gotten anywhere in his career? What is his career, even? He is a comedian? This story is about him travelling to his comedy show in Canada, so I guess he’s a comedian. But I have certainly never seen him perform comedy, I don’t know about you. In fact the closest thing I’ve seen to him performing comedy is this Twitter joke he pulled on Canada, after having a technical issue with his plane that kept him from flying there to perform. And oh goodness is it a GREAT joke. From The Hollywood Reporter:

“HELP! I’m gonna be late for Casino Rama show unless someone can force Canadian customs officials to let us land in Orillia!” he announced. Then around 6 p.m., just hours before he was due on stage at Casino Rama, Brand, using the moniker @rustyrockets, posted yet again: “I’m sorry. I can’t enter Canada. We must abolish the borders between our nations AND our minds.”

We must abolish the fart noises between our rubber chickens AND our arrow hats. Boioioioioioing! I don’t understand this at all! What happened was that there was a technical issue with his plane in California and he never even left. So then he tweeted this as a joke? HOW IS THIS A JOKE? Russell, please explain yourself. And please dress like a human and fix your hair before you do it and do NOT bring Katy, don’t even get me started on Katy. And here are some other funny jokes for next time, just in case:

  • I’m sorry I can’t make it to the show tonight. My deepest regrets. I’ve had a loss in the family. Please pray.
  • Car broke down. Can’t make it in time for the show.
  • Very sick, everyone. On route to the casino and had to reroute to the ER. No show tonight. :(
  • Plane crash. Everyone ok. No show tonight tho, will be rescheduled.
  • Scheduling error with the show, will have to reschedule.
  • Katy has died. RIP. She will live on in music and wonderful memories. Casino show will have to be rescheduled.
  • Arthur still #1 in the box office, have to go to world record meeting, show will be moved up a week. Thanks 4 understanding.
Comments (34)
  1. I guess you just don’t get his Brand of humor.

  2. Gwenyth Paltrow almost hit me in her Mercedes SUV, and I decided this was probably a good day not to fly.


  4. That is a very good joke, but Canada’s Number 1 Prankster? Come on, that title still belongs to Ryan Gosling, for convincing society that he is attractive.

  5. Maybe it’s just me, but I think Katy Perry has the highest hotness to talent ratio; meaning that her level of hotness is inversely proportional to her talent.

  6. “I’m nine years sober. Did you know that? It’s true. I used to have a real problem with heroin and booze, but now I’m clean.” – Russell Brand, every goddamn time someone pours a glass of wine at a dinner party

  7. And his face sucks.

  8. I am very sad you are choosing to write about Russel Brand the Royal Jerk instead of posting our beloved Breaking Bed recaps :(

  9. My ex thinks this guy is HILARIOUS. My ex is not very bright.

    • What is it with these exes? Mine’s favorite comedy — FAVORITE COMEDY — was the one where Chris Kattan played a cop driven around by Queen Latifah in her taxi. When I learned that, I couldn’t speak. I seriously just stared at her for 20 seconds.

    • i hate dating people with bad taste because they drag their poor taste into the relationship.

      my example: my ex once took me to a tech n9ne concert. he was a huge tech n9ne fan. he brought a lot of drugs to the show so that we would be able to meet tech n9ne. that’s how i smoked a blunt with tech n9ne. he’s almost as bad as his music in person.

      • I don’t know what that means but it sounds like something my ex would do. Every damn detail of it, including dragging me to a show of a dude I’d never heard before so he could smoke drugs with the guy.

  10. canada’s biggest prank on russell brand was convincing him that he is welcome here. he’s not.

  11. I’m sorry, but that Katy Perry crack is beyond the pale. I am horrified that you would suggest, even jokingly, that she will “live on in [her] music.” Jesus god NO!

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