I know it’s still really hot and gross outside, but I’m pretty sure it’s technically fall right now. Great! Fall, if it were to exist in a larger way than it does — that is to say, if it weren’t just a few days of muggy, a few days of fall, and then winter for the rest of the days — would be my favorite season. Sadly, since it does not, I have no favorite season because they’re all a bit too much for me. But the idea of fall is still great, as is this amazing time-lapse video of a normal pumpkin growing into a gigantic horrific pumpkin nightmare. As of right now, it is my favorite movie of the fall! Congratulations to it! Videogum Movie Club: this time-lapse video of a pumpkin! But unfortunately it doesn’t really have anything you need to actually be a movie, like characters or a plot or a title or costumes or Ryan Gosling or even Vincent Gallo. It barely has anything. But one thing we can certainly give it is A TAGLINE!

  • In the pumpkin patch, like everywhere else, no one can hear you grow.
  • This is Pumkamin. He’s a little worried about his gigantic size.
  • Who ya gonna carve? Not this pumpkin, it’s too big!
  • Don’t be afraid. Don’t be very afraid. It’s just a pumpkin.
  • 1,487 pounds, lots of seeds, and a soda can for some reason.
  • Every pumpkin has one special thing.
  • The true story of a real big pumpkin.
  • Its story will touch you, even though it can’t — it’s just a pumpkin. It can’t touch.
  • Halloween can kill me, but it can’t make me care.

What am I, Dr. Pumpkin!? Those are some great pumpkin taglines! (Via BuzzFeed.)

Comments (37)
  1. We’re gonna need a bigger pie tin.

  2. Pumpkan you believe it?

  3. It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! (and everyone else too)

  4. “There’s something wrong with Esther (hint: she’s a pumpkin)”

  5. Billy Corgan is pissed that you got bigger than him.

  6. Halloween is coming…

  7. This isn’t a caption, but they started filming this thing when it was pretty small. How did they know it would grow to be so big?

    Or do they just film ALL THE PUMPKINS just in case?

    • I’m pretty sure every pumpkin is under surveillance from September until November.

    • Maybe when you grow pumpkins year after year you are able to spot the prodigies when they’re young. “Yes, this little baby pumpkin has great potential… We shall cultivate it, watch over it and also inject it with all the Pumpkin Growth Hormone we can find.”

    • Unrelated (so I’ll put it in the “unrelated” thread), on passing a farm earlier this week, there was a sign informing me that they were indeed selling pumkins. I almost pulled over got 12. Never know when you’ll need an extra pumkin.

    • UNRELATED: Now that the newspaper industry has collapsed, what do people spread on their kitchen tables when they disembowel their pumpkins? iPads?

  8. There’s an intriguing subplot here as well, involving a Pepsi turning into a Coke.

  9. Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire.

  10. What did they feed that thing? And why was it growing under that tent?

  11. “You’ve been Pumpk’d.”

  12. we’re gourd-a need a bigger boat

  13. Cinderella’s got a big surprise waiting in – After The Ball

  14. This Fall: Pumpkins Will Grow.


  16. Just more proof that America’s obesity epidemic can be directly linked to sugary soft-drinks. Never saw that dude without a pop nearby.

  17. Growing The Big One 2: Growing It Bigger

  18. Lord of the Pumpking: One Pumpking to Rule Them All

  19. Did you guys read this book when you were kids? Maybe this pumpkin is so big because two different mice were, unbeknownst to each other, lovingly caring for it.

  20. Death by a thousand cuts

  21. Houston Fall Fair, we have a pumpkin.

  22. “To watch the full version in real time, please check your local listings for NBC’s Fall Schedule.”

  23. Later, the pumpkin tweeted angrily about how it was asked to leave an airplane.

  24. All I want is a drink of soda, and they keep moving the can!

  25. WOW! Thats is a great pumpkin Charlie brown!

  26. “Have you ever had a really big pumpkin?”–the tagline from Big (Pumpkin) starring Tom Hanks.

  27. Twin brothers Giant Pumpkin Is Set To Become The World’s Largest Pumpkin.

  28. Just so’s ya’ll know. (southern accent thrown in to sound like an official pumpkin farmer)

    There is a variety of pumpkin called a “Giant Pumpkin”; they routinely get over 500 lbs. You grow lots of pumpkins and then clip the vines of all but the one that is thriving the best. That way the 1 pumpkin can grow and grow and grow.

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