We’ve got a bunch of movie trailers this week and NONE of them are rom-coms! What happened to all the rom-coms? Have we run out of ideas for rom-coms? Hellloooooo, Hollywood. Give the me what I want! ROM-COMS! Instead of rom-coms, though, we have a bunch of other kinds of movies, and generally they don’t look that terrible! So let’s jump in, eh? Let’s jump in.

Big Miracle

Aww, this doesn’t look terrible! Granted, I’m certainly not going to see it because even though it looks nice and has lots of people I like in it, it is ultimately a movie about saving whales, which is a very noble cause and good for you, but I don’t really want to see a movie about it. I apologize. I’m sure there are lots of people who want to see a movie about it, but I am just not one of them. Also I don’t like Drew Barrymore, and she seems to be Drew Barrymoring it up big time in this one. Sorry, Drew Barrymore!

Justice

I’m put off immediately by this movie because, as most of you I’m sure, I do not like Nicolas Cage or January Jones. They are terrible! But also, and I’m sure many of you are not with me here, I also do not like Guy Pearce. He always seems to be smirking? This annoying stupid smirk that he attaches to every character and it’s like not every character is smirking all the time, you know? So I don’t like that guy, for that weird nit-picky personal reason. But other than that this movie seems like a fine idea for a thriller. Kind of like Drive, except not really and so much worse. See it or don’t, either way I’m fine with it!

The Grey

Ahhh, the classic tale of man vs. wolf. A relatable idea, but do we REALLY need another man vs. wolf movie? JK. I don’t understand what this movie is about. There was a plane crash and now he has to fight wolves to avenge his wife’s death? I don’t know. I’d want to see it maybe, but I feel like there’s gonna be a lot of wolf gore and I DO NOT enjoy wolf gore. So no thank you. Good try but no thank you.

The Deep Blue Sea

This is an adaptation of the Terrence Rattigan play of the same name. “We know.” FINE. Although this is a short trailer, I think it looks pretty promising? It at LEAST looks pretty. I 60% want to go see it.

J. Edgar

Who’s doing the voiceover here? The voiceover sounds like it’s done by a guy who doesn’t have a deep voice, but is doing a deep “trailer guy” voice because he had to record a movie trailer voiceover for a project in his Sound Engineering class. Is it Leonardo DiCaprio? Because his accent, as usual, is TERRIBLE SOUNDING! What’s the deal with Leonardo DiCaprio and terrible accents? He should either not do them or try to do them better. Someone should pass that advice onto him, thank you. Oh and also this movie looks like it would be good as long as it is under two hours and ten minutes and I highly doubt that it will be so BOOOOO TOOOO LOOOONG.

Man on a Ledge

Nope, no thank you. Did not like this one. Everyone is acting terribly as if accurately portraying an emotion is not the only job they have to do and the plot is annoying. “ACTION AND HIGH STAKES.” – This movie. “ZZzzZZzzzzzZz.” – Me.

Urbanized

Ahhh! I can’t wait for this one, from the director of Helvetica and Objectified, which I understand are totally annoying documentaries to love, but ARE documentaries that I love so DEAL WITH IT! Can’t wait to find a topic very interesting that I thought I’d find very boring and then feel like a REAL smarty about it. “I’m so smart now.” -Kelly, after watching this documentary.

Comments (28)

  1. You don’t like Drew Barrymore?!?!!!

    Kelly, you’ve just shattered my whole world view…

  2. for all you chicago videogummers: there is a special screening of urbanized on october 9th. the director’s doing a talk after. everyone* should go!

    *who likes design and planning and nerdy things.

  3. To be fair, I’m pretty sure J. Edgar is a rom-com.

  4. There can be only one

  5. Liam Nesson with broken bottle boxing gloves? Fighting a wolf? Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m gonna see “The Grey”.

  6. Re Deep Blue Sea: I mostly hate films adapted from plays. They often feel so claustrophobic. Off the top of my head I think Death and the Maiden worked well, but mostly it’s just not a great idea.

  7. THAT’S what we’ve been doing wrong this whole time — we haven’t gotten ourselves stuck in ice.

  8. Rom-Com On, Hollywood! Those movies are your tried-and-true money-makers! They basically make money appear … out of THIN AIR

  9. Nicholas Cage was the best in Bad Lieutenant: POCNO. For example http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8otgTeqyjMI&feature=related

  10. I have not seen Helvetica and Objectified, but Urbanized looks great! It seems like it addresses a lot of things people should be addressing, mainly making cities more livable (especially in the wake of suburban sprawl) and what it takes for that to happen. It looks pretty, too.

  11. I disagree about Leo’s accents. I think he does them well, or at least not poorly enough that I would say he’s bad at them. Dude is a great actor and he sounds like J. Edgar Hoover in the trailer. Not his fault Hoover talked funny.

    • I agree (although I haven’t seen Blood Diamond, so…). The terrible accent I am really excited for in this movie has got to be Jeffrey Donovan as RFK, hoo boy.

  12. I am going to nerd out so hard on Urbanized. hotspur, you know what I’m talking about.

  13. My friend and I are going to see The Grey — he’ll be wearing his wolf and moon t-shirt, and I’ll be wearing a homemade “Team Wolf” shirt.

  14. “When you walk down the street, everything you see is designed.”

    Here’s guessing Boston isn’t in this movie.

  15. Hahaha re: Man on a Ledge

    What type of bank heist situation would call for the sexy bank robber to strip down to their underwear?

    Not that I’m really complaining…

    …but still, kind of ridiculous.

  16. I understand that fighting the wolves probably represents the character’s inner struggles or whatever, but I have to say I’d be a little uncomfortable watching a movie built around “Liam Neeson is very depressed that his wife is dead.” [Emoticon to indicate earnestness.]

    I will totally watch that whale movie (someday, on tv, in the privacy of my own home), and I will totally be a snotty, blubbering mess through the entire third act.

    Did anyone notice that Man On A Ledge was written by Pablo Fenjves? If you remember that name, you are old, like me! (He testified in the O.J. trial.) Hollywood Facts!

  17. Drew barrymore, Nick Cage, January Jones, and mini bar bottle boxing gloves are all horrible.
    Guy Pearce is cool though.
    Oh wait, !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  18. Big Miracle – Yes-yes, sure, but is it in 3D? Also, I love how the Russians are referred to as ‘Reds’. When the hell does this movie take place exactly? Doesn’t seem at all like a period piece.

    Justice – Maybe take a few years off, Nic. Like, five.

    The Grey – ‘Close the door. Get under the bed. Now: The wolves are going to take you.’ I’m joking, this actually looks like it could be great. Those wolves are freaking me out right now.

    The Deep Blue Sea – Aw, why couldn’t the whole trailer have been shots of people standing, sitting and thinking about sitting or standing? Shoot.

    J. Edgar – While I’m glad to see DiCaprio pursuing a role that doesn’t simply require him to sweat and look bug-eyed (see: Shutter Island, Inception) the makeup effects range from just ‘okay’ to ‘bizarrely distracting’. And the fact that Eastwood apparently played down certain aspects of Hoover’s life annoys me to a point where I’m more than willing to write the whole movie off.

    Man On A Ledge – ‘No longer available.’ Moving on!

    Urbanized – I wish I was more able to tell what this was about beyond the ‘everything you see in a city was designed’ thesis put forth by this trailer, which is more than kind of a ‘duh’ thesis. I need more information! And a deeper context for design.

  19. It is very hard for me to take J. Edgar the movie seriously, because after every line that Hoover says, I keep adding some permutation of, “And then wear ladies’ underwear.”

    “It’s time we showed this country the difference between a hero and a villain. And also how to wear ladies’ underwear.”

    “My qualifications? I am wearing ladies’ underwear RIGHT NOW! WHO AMONG YOU CAN SAY THAT?”

    “Every member of this bureau must conduct himself in a way that makes him beyond criticism, like, that he wears ladies’ underwear, or something.”

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