It almost makes you sick to your stomach to think that it’s been nearly 30 years since Hollywood remade Scarface the first time. What have they been doing since then? Making totally different movies and not just remaking a movie that they’ve already remade once before? Come on! Be realistic, Hollywood. If that was really going to be your attitude then we wouldn’t have Peter Jackson’s King Kong, widely regarded as The Most Important Movie Ever Made. Hopefully, after your upcoming remake of Scarface you’ll start tightening up this remake cycle. Personally, I’d like to see a new version of Scarface every two years. Just as soon as the cameras stop rolling on the old remake, start ‘em goin’ on the new remake. It’s called the silver screen. From the Hollywood Reporter:

[Universal] is developing a new Scarface movie to be produced by ousted former studio head Marc Shmuger and Martin Bregman, the veteran producer who made the 1983 remake.

The project is in the early stages but it being described as not a sequel or outright remake of the 1983 Al Pacino-starring movie nor the 1932 Paul Muni-George Raft movie. Each of those were crime sagas telling the rise and fall of a gangster, and each was a mirror of their time. The 1932 version was set in Chicago and featured bootlegging, Italians and Irish mobsters. The 1983 version was set in Latin-loving Miami and cocaine was the vice of choice.

The new Scarface is planned to be the same: a crime tale set in today’s world, offering a dark look at the American Dream.

Awesome news. Especially considering how great the last Scarface movie was (second best movie ever made after Peter Jackson’s King Kong) I’m sure none of us can even wait to see what they do this time. Well, lucky ducks, you don’t have to wait! We have a sneak peek at the exciting and modern take on this old classic:

Selena Gomez plays Dr. Scarface, an intergalactic drug lord from the Pepsi Nebula System who has come to New Earth to live the dark side of the American dream in MECHABoston. Her rise to the top is a bloody one as she is forced to use her plasma gun on countless dorks. Cut to: interior of a hover McDonald’s. “Hey,” Dr. Scarface says, “this space ecstasy flavored McShake is delicious.” (Great opportunity for space ecstasy flavored McShake tie-in.) For her 12th birthday, Dr. Scarface holds a party at her mansion (the White House) with a live performance of a duet of “Livin Da Vida Loca” by the Black Eyed Peas and Beyonce’s newborn baby on vocals. Suddenly a gunfight erupts! Everyone dies a horrible death. Dr. Scarface rests her bleeding face on a giant pile of space ecstasy and delivers a spoken word poem about the environment. But will the kids listen? It is in your hands now, children. Just before she dies she whispers her famous catchphrase: “Not me, mom.” End credits. Cameo by Ryan Gosling’s jacket from Drive.

Pre-order it now on Blu Ray.

Comments (41)
  1. I don’t know what I have to do to make Scarfacetaco a reality, but I’d like to find out.

  2. Bad news for college dorm room poster sellers.

  3. Couldn’t someone make a film about the rise and fall of a gangster and, you know, just not call it Scarface?

  4. I will never forget watching the 20th anniversary DVD release of this and my Cuban boyfriend storming out of the room because Mexicans were playing Cubans! This movie is not popular with the Cubans, so I hope Miami boycotts it because it’s been too long since Elian Gonzalez and we need a good Latino Escandalo!

  5. “Sext H3770 to my little friend!” – Dr. Scarface

  6. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  7. It’s not a McShake. It’s a McFlurry. Get it right.

  8. Why not try to court the Etsy crowd and call it “Scarfface”?

  9. there already was a Scarface for the new millenium….and still the only one in my book….

  10. “The World 2.0 Is Yours! LOL!”

  11. “Personally, I’d like to see a new version of Scarface every two years. Just as soon as the cameras stop rolling on the old remake, start ‘em goin’ on the new remake.”
    Seems to be the business plan for Spiderman.

  12. I’ve never actually seen Scarface but obviously know the jist of it through all that MTV Cribs I watched as a youngin’. Anyway, I was recently talking to my dad about the movie and he said it is just a terrible, cheesy, awful movie and has definitely not stood the test of time. Then I read an interview with Vince Gilligan in which he compared the evolution of Walter White to the evolution of Tony Montana and this made me VERY upset.

    This post makes no sense. Someone please hold me.

  13. ScarFacebook: Say hello to my 500 million friends.

  14. Something is wrong with Fandango, it won’t let me buy ALL THE TICKETS

  15. Can we all just admit that Scarface is not a good movie? Especially compared to The Godfather, among others. But it is actually a relatively mediocre and somewhat uninteresting film, made even more boring by its constant reference and parody over the years. Yes, “say hello to my little friend,” yes piles and piles of cocaine. I am tired of it.

  16. “Latin-loving Miami”

    wait, what?

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